Vent: Annoyed that Grandmother's House = too much TV

[Anonymous]

When I go to visit my super boring BIL, I welcome the TV. He has no personality and no interests, so trying to converse with him is exhausting. I don't own a tv, but if they did not have one, I would never go visit!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has reinforced my belief that the tv-on-at-all-times-no-matter-what-the-situation crowd has some severe social issues. I like TV - I watch quite a bit when DC is napping or asleep at night, because I can do a lot of housework or crafts. But I do not have it one when I have guests. That's rude rude, rude and completely disregards the comfort of one's guests.

What if **gasp** your guests (and this thread is about family gatherings) also enjoy having the TV on? I know it's hard to imagine with your tiny brain that different people have different preferences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually have the TV on as background noise. We have lots of lively conversations and certainly no one ignores anyone. Doesn't sound normal to me.

Why do you feel like you need background noise? If no one is watching it, why don't you turn it off? I genuinely would like to know.

I'm not PP, but for the same reason that some people like to have the radio playing while they are working.

Some people function better when there is background noise, as opposed to the quiet.

TV in the background can actually make it so that the steady stream of noise makes noise itself less jarring.

I've always been more productive when I have some background noise.

Why can't people just accept that different people function better under different circumstances.

As an aside, I've found that often people have the TV on and pretend to watch it when they *don't* want to talk to people. It's possible that OP's inlaws/family doesn't have much in common with her and doesn't want to make small talk. The TV is a nice way to avoid that.

Ok, if you want background noise, then, and it's not for watching, why don't you put on music?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually have the TV on as background noise. We have lots of lively conversations and certainly no one ignores anyone. Doesn't sound normal to me.

Why do you feel like you need background noise? If no one is watching it, why don't you turn it off? I genuinely would like to know.

I too hate having the television on and cannot fathom why anyone would want it on as background noise, especially when there's company over. I find it difficult to understand conversation if there's television on in the background, and the commercials, lights, and noise just generally annoying me and sometimes give me a headache.

I grew up in a family where we were only allowed to watch television a couple hours a week. My sibling married someone who has TV on all the time, is very bossy, and it really annoys the hell out of most of us.

I would encourage those who have company over to turn the TV off unless there's something very specific everyone wants to watch.

Maybe we're not as easily distracted as you? Having a TV on makes any lulls in the conversation or quiet moments less awkward. Plus, often it's some sort of educational/history program and it helps bring up a new topic to discuss. I would encourage those that do not like having the TV on, to turn it off if they have company. The rest of us can decide on our own how to handle it, thanks!

Pp here. I should have added, I have poor hearing and my mother wears a hearing aid. My in law could care less that having the tv on means my mother can't hear the convo. He'd rather hear the tv. And he wonders why we don't want to do holidays at his house....

OH my gosh, we had a similar situation one time with my MIL (who is addicted to TV and must have it on at all times). We were at HER IL's nursing home, and great-grandfather-in-law and we were trying to have a conversation. Well, MIL wanted to have a sports game on in the background and kept trying to turn it up but GGFIL, who was hard of hearing, was growing more and more irritated b/c he could not really hear what people were saying over the TV. Well, he finally EXPLODED and MIL was TOTALLY shocked and could NOT understand why hard-of-hearing GGFIL would be "so hard" on "poor little her' when all she was doing was try to hear the sports game. *I,* HER DIL, thought she had been really rude to not understand that an older person (in whose home we were) can maybe not hear very well and was growing irritated with the volume. Even I had been able to see that, and I had only been in the family for a few years! I felt so badly for GGFIL and thought MIL behaved completely horribly. OF course I kept ALL of this to myself, b/c it wasn't my place or business, but whew, this is what I am talking about when I say that tv people can be soooo rude and not realize how distracting or irritating it can be to others who are merely trying to have a social conversation, which is (presumably) what getting together is all about! You do NOT always need your little "crutch" of a television on when people are trying to visit!!!

What do you do with your free time not spent watching TV? I'm guessing not reading or brushing up on your writing skills?

People who watch too much TV much not have a long attention span, nor the ability to read and comprehend what they are reading.

It was tough going, but I made it through. Paragraphs are your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:eh, usuallly it doesn't bug me. I just assume they are trying to veg out/not have to think/relieve stress on long awaited day off....Just turn off your own tv if you don't like it.

It only bothers me when we have other peoples kids over who aren't used to tv... they cannot stop staring and don't hear a word you say. Mouths hanging open. THEN we have to turn off the tv.

So, so strange. So, in effect, you are saying: you have TV on a lot, b/c you want to anesthetize your children to the effects of TV, so that you can have it on, while they are busy doing something else, b/c they just ignore it.



Sorry, but yo no comprendo.

Yeah, this is actually pretty common. But also fucked up and cray-cray.

"Oh no! A normal child has come to my house and the blare of the TV is distracting them. Now we'll have to turn it off!"

So bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:... Bitch bye

TV lovers have such a way with words, don't they?

This whole "I'm so enlightened because I don't watch TV" is so damn laughable and pathetic.

There's a reason why you are often the guest and not the host. Your guests secretly think your parties are dull as hell. I hope you at least offer wine to dull the pain.

Parties are dull without TV? Huh.

Nah, but you'd better have plenty of wine and some other form of entertainment to keep things fun and interesting (music, games, etc).

How old are you? We drink and eat and talk. We're mid 40s to early 50s.

This times a million. Who the fuck has the TV on at a party of adults? We really are turning into a nation of children.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm surprised at how this thread has gone. I haven't posted since my OP. We have a TV, but we just watch a show when we want to watch a certain show. We never have it on for "just background noise". And we never have it on when family is visiting (we rarely see them). That would be rude. Our visit was just one day, (not overnight) btw. So it's not like it was SO much time together that people just had to take a break and veg.

I think I felt uncomfortable because like one PP pointed out, maybe the others didn't want to talk to me or my familiy (or I think even to each other) or maybe they just like TV more then us. It just makes me feel bad. My MIL gave me a heartfelt hug at the end, and that is the only time we connected -- freaking 1 minute out of hours and hours. I just wish MIL and SIL would stop and think about what they are doing. Now I don't even want to hang out with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has reinforced my belief that the tv-on-at-all-times-no-matter-what-the-situation crowd has some severe social issues. I like TV - I watch quite a bit when DC is napping or asleep at night, because I can do a lot of housework or crafts. But I do not have it one when I have guests. That's rude rude, rude and completely disregards the comfort of one's guests.

What if **gasp** your guests (and this thread is about family gatherings) also enjoy having the TV on? I know it's hard to imagine with your tiny brain that different people have different preferences.

I wonder how OP's spouse feels about this. Our family gathering always have the TV on. It is usually sports. We all love sports and it is really fun to watch together. We cheer on our home teams - it is something we bond over every year. It is also one of few things we have in common. If we spend too much time talking, them someone brings up the defunct nephew in juvenile detention or the uncle that has no money or the cousin that is getting a divorce. Worse yet, the conversation turns to politics. Those who stayed in the hometown hate Obama and think the democrats are stealing their money. Those who moved on from the hometown can't understand why Republicans are undermining health care. That is a really fun conversation.

TV and sports are great. I'm not sure how any family functions could really function without them!

[Anonymous]

There was a ton of really good football on this weekend.

[Anonymous]

If you don't like the TV on, why don't you ask them to turn it off (politely, of course). They probably will.

[Anonymous]

Also, if I had the TV on while you were visiting, I apologize! I had no idea it bothered you so much. You should have said something! I would have turned it off! After all, I can't read your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm surprised at how this thread has gone. I haven't posted since my OP. We have a TV, but we just watch a show when we want to watch a certain show. We never have it on for "just background noise". And we never have it on when family is visiting (we rarely see them). That would be rude. Our visit was just one day, (not overnight) btw. So it's not like it was SO much time together that people just had to take a break and veg.

I think I felt uncomfortable because like one PP pointed out, maybe the others didn't want to talk to me or my familiy (or I think even to each other) or maybe they just like TV more then us. It just makes me feel bad. My MIL gave me a heartfelt hug at the end, and that is the only time we connected -- freaking 1 minute out of hours and hours. I just wish MIL and SIL would stop and think about what they are doing. Now I don't even want to hang out with them.

So make a suggestion of something to do to get them away from the TV. Stop being a baby. They have on the TV -- that does not make them criminals or crazy -- just people with the TV on more than you have it on -- so what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We usually have the TV on as background noise. We have lots of lively conversations and certainly no one ignores anyone. Doesn't sound normal to me.

Why do you feel like you need background noise? If no one is watching it, why don't you turn it off? I genuinely would like to know.

I'm not PP, but for the same reason that some people like to have the radio playing while they are working.

Some people function better when there is background noise, as opposed to the quiet.

TV in the background can actually make it so that the steady stream of noise makes noise itself less jarring.

I've always been more productive when I have some background noise.

Why can't people just accept that different people function better under different circumstances.

As an aside, I've found that often people have the TV on and pretend to watch it when they *don't* want to talk to people. It's possible that OP's inlaws/family doesn't have much in common with her and doesn't want to make small talk. The TV is a nice way to avoid that.

Um, why don't you address those issues instead of hiding behind the TV?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has reinforced my belief that the tv-on-at-all-times-no-matter-what-the-situation crowd has some severe social issues. I like TV - I watch quite a bit when DC is napping or asleep at night, because I can do a lot of housework or crafts. But I do not have it one when I have guests. That's rude rude, rude and completely disregards the comfort of one's guests.

What if **gasp** your guests (and this thread is about family gatherings) also enjoy having the TV on? I know it's hard to imagine with your tiny brain that different people have different preferences.

I wonder how OP's spouse feels about this. Our family gathering always have the TV on. It is usually sports. We all love sports and it is really fun to watch together. We cheer on our home teams - it is something we bond over every year. It is also one of few things we have in common. If we spend too much time talking, them someone brings up the defunct nephew in juvenile detention or the uncle that has no money or the cousin that is getting a divorce. Worse yet, the conversation turns to politics. Those who stayed in the hometown hate Obama and think the democrats are stealing their money. Those who moved on from the hometown can't understand why Republicans are undermining health care. That is a really fun conversation.

TV and sports are great. I'm not sure how any family functions could really function without them!

In other words, you have only superficial relationships so TV smoothes over the rough spots. Bummer for you.

[Anonymous]

My FIL has the TV on all the time, even when no one is watching anything. It actually drives me crazy--the way the TV is positioned, it's visible from the kitchen, the dining room, and the living room, so there's nowhere to go to get away from it. I don't mind watching a show or a movie together, but just having it on all the time bugs me.

I agree that suggesting a walk or a game in another room or another activity to get away from it is a good idea.