Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

[Anonymous]

Guys, OP is a 17 year old boy, seriously. I mean, a 17 year old "doctor."

Tell it like it is, Doc!

Signed,

5'7" 118 lb FATASS. Yes, I mean, I'm a total lardass!

Agree with the poster upthread with her remark about the joining forces of us health nut DCUMers to put this obvious loon in her place. Only thing is, "she" is not real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry but do you people really not consider your weight when making food choices? Do you not realize the amount of time and money the food industry spends trying to get you to eat salt, sugar, and fat? The crazy rise on obesity in this country (for those who don't see it please exit the bubble and read a newspaper from time to time you will hear all about it, yes even among children). It's absurd to suggest in our society that recognizing those facts and being vigilant about maintaining a healthy weight makes you have an unhealthy view about weight. It's all part and parcel of the issue I'm raising here: that every consideration is paid to making fat people feel normal when being fat is anything but normal.

OP, if you're a prosperous middle-class mother (like most of DCUM) who has trouble maintaining her weight, you should talk to your doctor. Otherwise, just serve healthy food, don't force your child to eat if he isn't hungry, and let your son go in for active play. Discuss his weight and growth with his pediatrician and only his pediatrician.

Don't get overinvolved in weight issues; you are more likely to cause a problem than to solve one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
There is no way this poster is a physician.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry but do you people really not consider your weight when making food choices? Do you not realize the amount of time and money the food industry spends trying to get you to eat salt, sugar, and fat? The crazy rise on obesity in this country (for those who don't see it please exit the bubble and read a newspaper from time to time you will hear all about it, yes even among children). It's absurd to suggest in our society that recognizing those facts and being vigilant about maintaining a healthy weight makes you have an unhealthy view about weight. It's all part and parcel of the issue I'm raising here: that every consideration is paid to making fat people feel normal when being fat is anything but normal.

OP, if you're a prosperous middle-class mother (like most of DCUM) who has trouble maintaining her weight, you should talk to your doctor. Otherwise, just serve healthy food, don't force your child to eat if he isn't hungry, and let your son go in for active play. Discuss his weight and growth with his pediatrician and only his pediatrician.

Don't get overinvolved in weight issues; you are more likely to cause a problem than to solve one.

Thank you for the advice, it's useful and well-reasoned. I actually don't have trouble controlling my weight. I eat well and exercise a lot so it's really not an issue. But I know many kids who eat total crap all the time and are overweight, some are even obese. And so I do think about how I will talk to my son about eating those things when he starts to see other kids eating them all the time and wonders why our fridge and cupboards aren't stocked with them. One of the reasons I will give him, even if it's so hard for people to understand on here (still, very strange to me that they don't) is that eating too much of that kind of crap can lead to an unhealthy weight. And that that's not good for you. Just like smoking cigarettes, it's enjoyable and you might be totally fine if you choose to do it, but the odds are in favor of it making your life shorter and less healthy. Sure, we will have french fries and pizza sometimes, but if you do that all the time you're going to be fat and that's not a good thing. I suppose I will just have to fight the battle if and when it comes when some PC fat-apologist takes something he or I says and turns it into something it's not, much like has been done on this board in these responses again and again. That's a risk I will have to take.

[Anonymous]

OP, I used to tell me daughter that if she eats too much ice cream she would get fat. Until the day she replied, "but uncle B (my brother) eats pizza and ice cream all the time and he's NOT fat!" It was true. So now I say, we don't eat too much ice cream because its not healthy.
OP, why can't you just say that?

By the way, read Why we get fat, by Gary Taubes.

[Anonymous]

The OP is definitely a troll and we've all played into his/her hands.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so distressing that I just grabbed a couple of chocolates.

[Anonymous]

Even if OP is a troll, can I just say... as a Fat person, we know we are fat. So anything that your son mentions about weight is going to be already noted. Kids know when they are different. Fat kids know that they are larger than other kids. So yes, any mention of weight could be considered bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP.

As an initial matter, I haven't posted a response yet on this thread. I'm sure it angers some that there are others who are writing that they, too, struggle with these questions. But those are posts by strangers, not by me. And I think it goes to show there are serious questions here.

As I mentioned in my first post, I am a healthy weight. I eat very well, exercise. I agree that some skinny people are less healthy than fat people who exercise, but is anyone really suggesting that fat people who exercise are healthier than skinny people who exercise. I hope not because that's absurd. Obviously there are benefits to controlling weight that are separate and apart from just eating well (and honestly if you're eating and exercising well you are probably controlling your weight). As I said, I am by no means a size 2.

But I do worry that this whole "big is beautiful" movement that has sprung up is dangerous to young people today. I don't want my son to have the delusion that being overweight or obese is anything but unhealthy. That's all it is.

I of course would never call someone fat or accept my child doing so. But as one other poster mentioned, really, isn't the fact that I wouldn't call someone that or allow him to do so a sign of the problem. It's the truth, isn't it? The substance in their body that makes them bigger is called "fat," yet we are in such a pc culture now about weight that you can't call a spade a spade without being a "bully."

What I fear is that my son will say something inadvertent, not that he will say something purposefully mean (like calling someone "fat and ugly.") Let's say he gets made fun of in the lunch room for eating vegetables and hummus instead of potato chips, and when asked why he eats those things he says he's eating that way so that he does not become fat. In light of the current response schools have toward bullying, I could imagine if one of those taunting him was overweight or obese that he would get in trouble for it. That is my concern - not that he would call someone fat to their face - that's just stupid.

I am grateful to the poster who asked if anyone wanted to have a serious conversation about these issues. I think the responses make clear my point. We are so damn pc now, fat is beautiful, people who are skinny are the freaks, and if you say boo about the health issues with being overweight and obesity you are a bully.

I support you, OP. This forum is full of judgy and misguided PC Nazis, as you now know.

[Anonymous]

Fat, over weight, obese do not belong in a young child's vocabulary. Right up there with stupid, spaz, ugly.

[Anonymous]

OP I get where you are coming from. I think at this age you don't need to go into specifics with your ds about obesity etc. that's a conversation to have if it's actually a problem for him. For now, just focus on being a good example and keeping him active and giving him healthy food choices. When he's a bit older and better at expressing himself (ie not in danger of inadvertently insulting someone) you can get into it. Or just focus on health and not the "fat" aspect of it. Instead of saying "we don't eat this food because it can make us fat" say "we don't eat this because it's not the best for our health".
It's a shame that PC has gotten to the point that we can't have these conversations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. ing fat people alone.

Not OP, but most overweight people do have some say over their size. If they're not choosing healthy food and exercise, that is a matter of will or, if they're a very small child, *maybe* not knowing better. Most people do not have medical conditions or special circumstances making them fat.

DUH.

Eating junk food is a matter of will. Gaining weight from eating junk food, and losing weight when you are obese, are highly complicated matters of metabolism, genetics, access to healthy foods, luck, and a whole range of other factors. And losing weight is easy. Keeping it off is hard.

Not that complicated really. Barring some serious medical issues it's a matter of calories in and out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. ing fat people alone.

Not OP, but most overweight people do have some say over their size. If they're not choosing healthy food and exercise, that is a matter of will or, if they're a very small child, *maybe* not knowing better. Most people do not have medical conditions or special circumstances making them fat.

DUH.

Eating junk food is a matter of will. Gaining weight from eating junk food, and losing weight when you are obese, are highly complicated matters of metabolism, genetics, access to healthy foods, luck, and a whole range of other factors. And losing weight is easy. Keeping it off is hard.

Not that complicated really. Barring some serious medical issues it's a matter of calories in and out.

Wrong. It is not simply a matter of how many calories you consume and burn. It has more to do with the "kind" of calories you are getting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. ing fat people alone.

Not OP, but most overweight people do have some say over their size. If they're not choosing healthy food and exercise, that is a matter of will or, if they're a very small child, *maybe* not knowing better. Most people do not have medical conditions or special circumstances making them fat.

DUH.

Eating junk food is a matter of will. Gaining weight from eating junk food, and losing weight when you are obese, are highly complicated matters of metabolism, genetics, access to healthy foods, luck, and a whole range of other factors. And losing weight is easy. Keeping it off is hard.

Not that complicated really. Barring some serious medical issues it's a matter of calories in and out.

Wrong. It is not simply a matter of how many calories you consume and burn. It has more to do with the "kind" of calories you are getting.

Um no it doesn't. You're plain old wrong. From a health perspective it's better to get healthier foods in but when it comes to weight gain and loss, it's about calories.
It's the ill informed like you that are part of the problem. "Oh yeah it won't matter if I eat 10,000 cals a day because it's all fruit and whole wheat".