Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

[Anonymous]

OP, I love your crazy. Please think of a few more topics to post on!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound toxic.

How about encourage him to eat healthy food and stay active so that his body is healthy and strong. Leave everyone else out of it. He shouldn't comment on other people's appearance at all.

This. Weight shouldn't be a topic of discussion at all, just healthy foods and lots of activity.

Fine and well enough, but...

If you've never had your child use the word "fat", then you clearly haven't read them "one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish" or a whole host of other books that teach basic English language adjectives.

I don't talk to my kids about weight -- I'm lucky in that we don't need to have that discussion in our house. We're blessed with good genes, and so we talk about exercise and staying healthy. They DO bring this stuff home from school though. They are teaching it in school -- health and P.E. My 7 year old (who is slim) came home and started talking to me about "calories" and "obesity". I told him not to worry about calories -- just try to make sure he eats the right kind.

But kids are curious and they are quick to notice things that are visually different. If my 5 or 6 year old points to some really huge person at an airport, and says, "Mommy, that person is obese". I'd say "Yes, you're correct. That is not healthy. But don't point, please -- we don't want to comment on people's appearances." And I'd leave it at that.

But I'll tell you honestly -- I see many people who treat the words "fat" or "obese" like curse words. They're not. They're words in the English language to describe people or animals. For young kids, often the explanation isn't perfect at first -- but I want them to know what these words mean, and to be able to use them appropriately without being shamed by me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. ing fat people alone.

Not OP, but most overweight people do have some say over their size. If they're not choosing healthy food and exercise, that is a matter of will or, if they're a very small child, *maybe* not knowing better. Most people do not have medical conditions or special circumstances making them fat.

DUH.

Eating junk food is a matter of will. Gaining weight from eating junk food, and losing weight when you are obese, are highly complicated matters of metabolism, genetics, access to healthy foods, luck, and a whole range of other factors. And losing weight is easy. Keeping it off is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. ing fat people alone.

Not OP, but most overweight people do have some say over their size. If they're not choosing healthy food and exercise, that is a matter of will or, if they're a very small child, *maybe* not knowing better. Most people do not have medical conditions or special circumstances making them fat.

DUH.

Eating junk food is a matter of will. Gaining weight from eating junk food, and losing weight when you are obese, are highly complicated matters of metabolism, genetics, access to healthy foods, luck, and a whole range of other factors. And losing weight is easy. Keeping it off is hard.

Calories in vs. calories expended, it's not complex at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I never said he would say that "you are fat" in response. I said he might say I am eating this way because it's healthy and I don't want to be fat. That's not a comment about anyone personally. I really don't understand some of these responses. They are so totally off point. I suppose it's probably a bunch of overweight people who are proving my point that you can't say boo about weight without being attacked.

Lady, you have issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Calories in vs. calories expended, it's not complex at all.

Actually, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are very open with our DS that he will get fat if he eats too much fatty processed food. In our household fat is neither healthy nor attractive. And we use the word fat, not metabolically challenged or curvy. He's 7 1/2 and has never said anything to any child about their weight. He knows fat is not good and he knows that hurting people's feelings isn't good either.

OP here. This is good to hear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are very open with our DS that he will get fat if he eats too much fatty processed food. In our household fat is neither healthy nor attractive. And we use the word fat, not metabolically challenged or curvy. He's 7 1/2 and has never said anything to any child about their weight. He knows fat is not good and he knows that hurting people's feelings isn't good either.

OP here. This is good to hear.

OMG.

[Anonymous]

There is no fine line. You teach your son how to take care of his body by eating healthy foods and enjoying physical activity. You also teach him not to judge others based on their appearance and not to make negative comments about how other people look. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are a riot! Can you please tell us how to tell a child that they are ugly-- in a nice way?

[Anonymous]

Wow - OP is reallly going to F up her kid at this rate. At least she has a son, not a daughter.

[Anonymous]

The OP has apparently not spent any time in our society if she honestly thinks that her son has a greater chance of being bullied for eating veggies than a kid does for being overweight.

What is your real agenda here, OP? I'm going to guess you have some real body issues, and you are going to pass those issues on to your child unless you address them. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Confused mom of daughters here.

Is there really a "fat is beautiful" movement that is taking over our culture?

Fat = beautiful during times and in places where food is scarce and fat is a sign of affluence.

Really, is there is any place/school in this country where the obese or very overweight kids are concerned the most beautiful, most popular, physical specimens to be emulated?

I would actually be more willing to take seriously a person saying, "With the new gay acceptance movement, I'm concerned my son is going to want to identify as homosexual to fit in with his peers." Really, I think that would be more valid than OP's assertion that she thinks fat acceptance, big is beautiful is to blame for kids eating unhealthily and not exercising. If you're truly concerned about kids and weight, OP, tackle the real issues: recess, physical education at your school, school meals, nutrition education.

Unless I am totally off-base here and have just missed seeing all the kids who are trying to gain weight and want to be obese because it's considered so beautiful in our culture...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no fine line. You teach your son how to take care of his body by eating healthy foods and enjoying physical activity. You also teach him not to judge others based on their appearance and not to make negative comments about how other people look. Problem solved.

I agree with this, but I do think judging people is a natural human reaction and there's no controlling it. As you say, you shouldn't share your opinion if it's negative. On the other hand, if my friend were to ask me, "Am I fat?" I'd tell her the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What I fear is that my son will say something inadvertent, not that he will say something purposefully mean (like calling someone "fat and ugly.") Let's say he gets made fun of in the lunch room for eating vegetables and hummus instead of potato chips, and when asked why he eats those things he says he's eating that way so that he does not become fat.

OP, you're projecting your own feelings about fat and nutrition onto your son. The reason he is eating veggies and hummus is because 1) it's healthy. 2) its tasty or 3) his mom made him.If he says "so I don't get fat," that is entirely your fault and problem. most children will not equate eating healthy food with 'not getting fat' unless one of their parents is obsessed with weight. Why should 'fat' even come into it at this age? I tell my kids that we need all different colors and kinds of foods to keep us healthy and that a lot of sugar is not healthy for us. I never use the word fat, at this age. Look on the website for revolution foods, aimed at kids. There are all kinds of ways of talking about healthy food without bringing someone's weight into it. You can talk about vitamins, you can talk about processed versus unprocessed, you can talk about where food comes from and what is done to it, all of this can go a long way toward explaining food choices without bringing weight, looks, shame, bullying into it.

Bingo. If you're eating certain foods because you're afraid of getting fat, you have a messed-up relationship with food. I eat veggies and hummus because they taste good and are healthy. I avoid too much junk food because I don't feel good when I eat it. All your son has to say in the unlikely event that someone makes fun of him for eating hummus is, "I like hummus."