Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry but do you people really not consider your weight when making food choices? Do you not realize the amount of time and money the food industry spends trying to get you to eat salt, sugar, and fat? The crazy rise on obesity in this country (for those who don't see it please exit the bubble and read a newspaper from time to time you will hear all about it, yes even among children). It's absurd to suggest in our society that recognizing those facts and being vigilant about maintaining a healthy weight makes you have an unhealthy view about weight. It's all part and parcel of the issue I'm raising here: that every consideration is paid to making fat people feel normal when being fat is anything but normal.

OP, you are missing our (non-judgy posters who disagree with your vitriol) point in a pretty big way. We're not talking about paying every consideration to making fat people feel normal. We're talking about paying every consideration to NOT BEING A JERK because someone is fat. What you're suggesting is not some public health awareness campaign for your son. You're talking about fat shaming, and you're disguising it as teaching your kid healthy habits.

How about if you just teach your kid healthy habits without the obesity boogeyman? Maybe he will simply assume that it's normal to be "healthy" in the way you describe, rather than setting himself up compared to other people?

[Anonymous]

OP, we are all with you on the issue of processed food is full of fat, sugar, and salt, the food industry pushes it like drug dealers, its terribly unhealthy. Yes! Right on! Teach it! Eat that stuff all the time, or most of the time, and you will not be healthy. ONE side effect of the crap is overweight. What we are finding is that overweight is not the cause of all the other bad health impacts, by an large - you have to get very obese before that is true. The overwieght is what you see, but the stuff you don't see is the dangerous, unhealthy result of the processed food. So why, why, would you focus on overwwieght as the important outcome of eating crappy food? You can eat crappy food and stay thin, and you can get fat on home cooking. There is a relationship, sure, but it isn't sure fire and it isn't what your little child shoulld be worried about.

[Anonymous]

OP is the type of person who will never listen to anyone else. However, DS is only 8 months, but I've read some really great tips on how to talk about healthy eating without emphasizing weight with him when he's older. Thanks PPs! As someone who had an eating disorder for 10 years, I feel sad for people like OP. They are SO hung up on weight that that's all the can see.

Also, I have no idea where this whole making fat people normal thing comes in. I think there is a "don't make fun of fat people" trend...but I kind of equate that with "don't make fun of someone with glasses, hearing aids, a big nose, etc".

[Anonymous]

OP,

Why are you so scared of fat people? It must be hard to live your life thinking about this all the time. Where do you live? If you live in the majority high income areas of MoCo and NoVa this will be a non-issue for your family.

We are in an economically diverse school and there are a few obese children per grade. When I have gone to school events at a nearby school that has a farms rate of less than 10%, I have never seen a fat child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is the type of person who will never listen to anyone else. However, DS is only 8 months, but I've read some really great tips on how to talk about healthy eating without emphasizing weight with him when he's older. Thanks PPs! As someone who had an eating disorder for 10 years, I feel sad for people like OP. They are SO hung up on weight that that's all the can see.

Also, I have no idea where this whole making fat people normal thing comes in. I think there is a "don't make fun of fat people" trend...but I kind of equate that with "don't make fun of someone with glasses, hearing aids, a big nose, etc".

this, exactly.

OP isn't concerned with health, but with weight. and seems to think that she will guarantee her son is a healthy weight all is life if he only knows that fat people are bad. good luck with that, OP.

[Anonymous]

There was another girl in my DDs 3rd grade telling other little girls often that they werent as pretty or as thin or as popular as she was. When confronted by the teacher she said "but its all true so I shouldnt be in trouble." even if the recieveing child isnt as thin and it is true she was still being unkind, hurtful, and ugly.
Focus your own children on the importance of being kind and accepting. Focus your family on healthy food and activity choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry but do you people really not consider your weight when making food choices? Do you not realize the amount of time and money the food industry spends trying to get you to eat salt, sugar, and fat? The crazy rise on obesity in this country (for those who don't see it please exit the bubble and read a newspaper from time to time you will hear all about it, yes even among children). It's absurd to suggest in our society that recognizing those facts and being vigilant about maintaining a healthy weight makes you have an unhealthy view about weight. It's all part and parcel of the issue I'm raising here: that every consideration is paid to making fat people feel normal when being fat is anything but normal.

OP, are you my SIL?

She ONLY talks about food. Is it organic, local, whole? Is it whole grain, full of antioxidants, gluten free? And on and on and on.

Her children do the same. They are allergic to everything. They can wax eloquent about additives and preservatives. They are skinny, but their mom worries about their slightly rounded tummies.

Her children have been expelled from several schools, and are in therapy and on multiple medications. They are unpleasant, negative, judgmental, and save their harshest comments for anyone in the area who has the misfortune of being anything but emaciated.

Your issues run deep. You have traded true good and evil for FOOD good and evil.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

Why are you so scared of fat people? It must be hard to live your life thinking about this all the time. Where do you live? If you live in the majority high income areas of MoCo and NoVa this will be a non-issue for your family.

We are in an economically diverse school and there are a few obese children per grade. When I have gone to school events at a nearby school that has a farms rate of less than 10%, I have never seen a fat child.

I'm not "scared" of fat people. I honestly don't see how you got that from my post. I am actually not even "scared" of becoming fat. But I want to live a long, healthy life, and I (unlike many of you, which is very strange) realize that being overweight (yes even "just" overweight, and by that I mean having an unhealthy BMI) you are not giving yourself the best chances of having a healthy life. It's like smoking. I'd love to smoke, love it, but I realize that smoking is not healthy. I will teach my son not to smoke cigarettes, that doing so will kill you. Why can't I teach him that being fat carries the same risks when it clearly does?

As for my income and where I live, let's just say I'm not in your bubble. My son will come in contact with many fat people - I do. I love that we have diversity in our lives and I certainly don't want to move him into your type of bubble so that I can avoid these types of hard issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry but do you people really not consider your weight when making food choices? Do you not realize the amount of time and money the food industry spends trying to get you to eat salt, sugar, and fat? The crazy rise on obesity in this country (for those who don't see it please exit the bubble and read a newspaper from time to time you will hear all about it, yes even among children). It's absurd to suggest in our society that recognizing those facts and being vigilant about maintaining a healthy weight makes you have an unhealthy view about weight. It's all part and parcel of the issue I'm raising here: that every consideration is paid to making fat people feel normal when being fat is anything but normal.

OP, are you my SIL?

She ONLY talks about food. Is it organic, local, whole? Is it whole grain, full of antioxidants, gluten free? And on and on and on.

Her children do the same. They are allergic to everything. They can wax eloquent about additives and preservatives. They are skinny, but their mom worries about their slightly rounded tummies.

Her children have been expelled from several schools, and are in therapy and on multiple medications. They are unpleasant, negative, judgmental, and save their harshest comments for anyone in the area who has the misfortune of being anything but emaciated.

Your issues run deep. You have traded true good and evil for FOOD good and evil.

Again, if you read my first post, I'm not emaciated. Does the question I am raising really make you so uncomfortable, and are you so incapable of having an actual discussion about it, that you have to resort to creating a straw man that you can more easily take down?

[Anonymous]

Huh. I live in the Middle East, where veggies and hummus are staples in the diet. Yet there are a LOT of fat, happy people here. Hummus does not always equate with slender people.

You may be setting your child up for failure if you focus entirely on food and weight. I eat a pretty healthy diet, yet I'm fat (I always have been). Many of my colleagues eat junk food all day long, yet they are thin. I have to work a little bit harder than others to stay just under being obese; my colleagues don't have to try at all.

I think rather than focus on weight, you should focus on health. Eating well and exercising, for the sake of health.

[Anonymous]

Ok Op - you're clearly just looking for and enjoying a fight.

Discussion is pointless.

I feel for your child but am not wasting any more time indulging your silliness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I look around our neighborhoods and schools, and there simply is not an obesity epidemic in our part of fairfax county.

Yes, it is a problem in some areas of the country, mostly lower socioeconomic.

It is just not likely that your child will encounter any obese kids in his fcps, and only a few overweight kids.

You are making an issue of a non issue, why? Meanness? Holier than thou complex? Unhealthy focus on how important it is to be skinny?

Looking around all the kids I see at my kids' schools, running around the neighborhood, at after school activities, in stores, restaurants, church, etc, and how very few of them are even close to being overweight, I can't for the life of me figure out how this dillema actually crossed your mind.

Yes, our kids go to an elementary in DC and I have never seen any obese kid there, and maybe only a handful are a bit overweight but on the external look pretty healthy and are constantly on the go, playing and running and keeping up normally, etc. I also don't understand why OP is coming up with this imposed agenda onto her kid. Do whatever you want with him by explaining healthy habits, eating well, etc., and ONLY deal with issues of "bullying" IF your child does it. Why start calling his attention to something he''s probably not even aware of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well good luck because it is clear that your not so subtle attitude will trickle down to him.

It is never appropriate to comment on someone else's appearance or weight in a negative manner. Ever. This shouldn't be a hard thing to teach.

You're delusional and quite frankly your attitude is harmful. Being in the healthcare field where people are dying from obesity, it is my duty to tell them the truth to save their lives. Some people are truly clueless and save themselves a lifetime of poor health by getting to a healthy weight. It's too bad that being PC about weight and the culture of dont hurt anyone's feelings is killing Anericans. Can't wait for that mindset to change.

Is this OP? If so, serious troll. Come on.

Teach your child that it isn't his place to comment on or mock somebody for their heath, income, looks, or etc. It's not hard at all. I don't agree with you that being fat is not beautiful, because I think beauty is subjective and personal, and it's not something you can define for someone else. And this "new" idea that big is beautiful? Have you ever heard of the term romanesque and do you know where it comes from and why? Now, morbid obesity is dangerous for some people. And sure, some folks should / can be exercising more. At the same time, I know of a few very heavy individuals who have struggled with thyroid and other health issues their entire lives. And there is a lot of new science that shows why some people pack on weight so easily and others do not. Again, not making excuses for anyone (I am rail thin myself) but the point is, other people do not need to make excuses to you or to your son. So you teach your son to worry about what he is doing, not what someone else is doing. It is no more appropriate for him to go up to little Johnny and say "you are obese!" than it is for him to go up to little Johnny and say "your legs don't work!" or "you can't see!" or "You're poor!" or anything else.

Again, I do not agree with you that you or your son are morally superior to heavy people, but let's say you really believe that. Well, I don't want my kid to get tattoos or to start smoking, but I also do not allow him to point at people and say "Look, she has tattoos! She made a permanent mark on her body that she can never erase!" or to point to a smoker and say "you are going to die early!"

This is not a hard lesson. You just don't make fun of anyone for the way they look, whether or not YOU or your son think that they must certainly have made choices to lead them there. Doing so is not nice. You don't want to raise a child to be not nice, do you?

Oh......wait.

You're are not only a troll, but just a plain dumb ass too. Trolls do come in a shape and sizes, don't they. As a physician for many years, probably longer than you've been alive, I cannot sit by while a layman attempts to trump axiomatic truths about obesity. It is dangerous. I could attach a crap load of lengths from the web so validate that point with bonafide insight from the medical community, but anyone could do that with a two-second google search. Obesity has gotten completely out of control and the numbers of diabetes, heart disease, cancers, arthritis are climbing. You can feel one way or another about the vanity issues surrounding obesity, but that has not impact on the dangerous realities of being fat. We do not serve anyone by coddling the idea that obesity is okay. I had a 22 year old patient who was morbidly obese and admitted for a PE (pulmonary embolus) secondary to obesity. Shockingly, he was the only sibling left of five kids. All of his siblings died from PEs and each one was morbidly obese. I flat out told him he was too goddamn fat. I said it like that because he did not understand the word "obesity". He claimed he had never once been told that he was too big. How awful. I'm assuming his MD was worried about getting sued, hurting his feelings, or facing the wrath of ignorant DCUMers. Whatever the case, it's inexcusable. I'm not okaying degrading someone or implying he/she is unattractive because of being overweight. We all have different values about that. But, I am okaying getting real. Our nation is on a downswing from this and our healthcare system is failing. Wake up people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm sorry but do you people really not consider your weight when making food choices?

yes, really. i haven't worried about my weight since i was a particularly vain 15-year-old. I pay attention to what I eat so that I minimize processed sugars, etc, because those are unhealthy, not because they are "fattening." The evidence leans heavily in favor of weight issues being correlated with unhealthy outcomes, not causative. Because lots of things that are unhealthy are also fattening. You know what else are fattening? My genes from my father's family. However, I'm smack dab in the middle of the normal BMI range, which I know only because I get weighed at the dr's office 1/year. That's what comes of learning about healthy eating and home cooking, not from worrying about how fat I'll look in my skinny jeans.

[Anonymous]

My favorite part of this thread is that OP is acting as if everybody who disagrees with her-- essentially, everyone-- is a fat person who is feeding their kids daily chub-inducing junk food. Her attitude is ugly, but the image of all the moms who band together to trash McDonald's and talk about how they "eat clean" and are paleo and would never give their kids chocolate milk elsewhere on here joining their (likely, given the demographic on here) muscular-skinny arms and scolding OP with one hand as they feed their baby a spear of broccoli with the other (baby led weaning!) makes me SMILE.



It makes me like you all.

It makes me say: thank you, troll.