Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Good luck, OP. I don't think it's going to go well for you!

Indeed not. And justifiably so, in my opinion, starting with

1. the OP's conflation of fat = unhealthy = ugly = lazy.
2. the OP's idea (as far as I can tell) that there didn't used to be fat kids who were treated badly by other kids for being fat. (I grew up in the Pleistocene Era, and yes, there were.)
3. the OP's idea (as far as I can tell) that it would be ok for her son to tell a fat kid that the kid is fat and unhealthy, if it weren't for the "new, overly-zealous bullying standards" that might get him in trouble for telling "the sad truth".

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

OMG! First you have to totally change your own horrible attitude!

What, you think there is something beautiful in being obese? I used to be obese. It's neither healthy or attractive. I honestly find this fat acceptance movement annoying. Put down the damn fork and exercise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

OMG! First you have to totally change your own horrible attitude!

What, you think there is something beautiful in being obese? I used to be obese. It's neither healthy or attractive. I honestly find this fat acceptance movement annoying. Put down the damn fork and exercise.

What's neither healthy or attractive is your attitude. There is beauty in all types of people and unfortunately ugliness as well. There is a way to accept people for who they are and still encourage health and nutrition.

[Anonymous]

It's difficult for me to imagine (and I'd like to hear from you, OP), circumstances in which one child NEEDS to inform another child of the "sad truth" that the second child is overweight or obese. Do you think the overweight/obese child is unaware of his own body? Do you think of your son as some sort of health ambassador to other children? Is your son a nutritionist. What, for heaven's sake, do you see his role in these circumstances?

I just don't understand your post.

[Anonymous]

OP, seriously, WTF. I really, really hope this is a troll post. The only reason you wouldn't want your son to make negative comments to people who are overweight is because you are worried he's going to be in trouble for bullying, even though he's really telling the "sad truth"?

Really? REALLY?

If this post is real, then lady, you have a seriously fucked up value system.

[Anonymous]

"People come in all different shapes and sizes."(No additional commentary needed, and in your case, it would probably be damaging.

Internally (to your family) you make healthy choices when it comes to food and exercise. Talk about those. No need to link it to other people being overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

OMG! First you have to totally change your own horrible attitude!

What, you think there is something beautiful in being obese? I used to be obese. It's neither healthy or attractive. I honestly find this fat acceptance movement annoying. Put down the damn fork and exercise.

It's not a fat acceptance thing. It's a human acceptance thing.

[Anonymous]

Nice try, OP. You want your kid to be able to bully overweight kids without any consequences. Good luck with that. Any chance your annoying kid will get bullied for having such a bitch for a mom?

[Anonymous]

There is no fine line here, remarking that some other kid is "fat" or "obese" is bullying. Your child should not comment on anyone else's eating or exercise habits, nor should he ever criticize another kid's appearance.

Meanwhile, the level of concern you display is sufficiently unusual that your child may be at risk for an eating disorder. Have you considered therapy for yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well good luck because it is clear that your not so subtle attitude will trickle down to him.

It is never appropriate to comment on someone else's appearance or weight in a negative manner. Ever. This shouldn't be a hard thing to teach.

You're delusional and quite frankly your attitude is harmful. Being in the healthcare field where people are dying from obesity, it is my duty to tell them the truth to save their lives. Some people are truly clueless and save themselves a lifetime of poor health by getting to a healthy weight. It's too bad that being PC about weight and the culture of dont hurt anyone's feelings is killing Anericans. Can't wait for that mindset to change.

[Anonymous]

I recently read a fascinating essay about how people in the West have replaced the ethics of sex with the ethics of food. I think, OP, you have a very misplaced moral code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm looking forward to checking in on this thread. Should be fun.

Good luck, OP. I don't think it's going to go well for you!

+1! I'm going to guess OP is trolling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want my DS to understand that there are serious health risks to being overweight and that it is not "normal" to have a BMI above his healthy range. I want him to understand that there is really nothing beautiful about being an unhealthy weight and that he (like myself and DH) needs to be active to keep weight under control (not skinny, by any means - I wish - but within a healthy range).

But I fear that if he knows that being overweight or obese is not good, he will recognize that kids he goes to school with are unhealthy and say something that is considered bullying by the new, overly-zealous bullying standards. In light of the obesity epidemic and the number of very young children I see now who are overweight, if not obese, I think it is likely that he will have to navigate issues that we simply didn't when we were in school and kids were much healthier.

Does anyone have any advice for how to strike the balance to make sure my child understands that although it is very serious and unhealthy for children (and really anyone) to be overweight or obese, he needs to be very careful of what he says (even if it's the sad truth) or else he may find himself in trouble?

OMG! First you have to totally change your own horrible attitude!

What, you think there is something beautiful in being obese? I used to be obese. It's neither healthy or attractive. I honestly find this fat acceptance movement annoying. Put down the damn fork and exercise.

It's not a fat acceptance thing. It's a human acceptance thing.

I accept them. People are allowed to be fat; their body, their life. I just find it annoying that people want to try to make obesity natural and beautiful. It's not. The more people talk about how being fat is beautiful the less incentive there is for people to be at a healthy weight. I was at a pool recently and overheard a very overweight child making fun of a skinny child. It's messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
Being in the healthcare field where people are dying from obesity, it is my duty to tell them the truth to save their lives.

I hope you don't speak this rudely to your boss's patients.

[Anonymous]

Ouch.

OK. I get it. OP totally lost me the second she started bringing "beauty" into it. At that point, we've lost the important lesson: I.e. - be healthy, and moved into some judgmental territory about beauty.

But I think there is a legitimate question buried in here that is worth discussing.

We DO have an obesity epidemic.
We also have a whole lot of girls who equate their self-value with their weight.

What are the right words to use with YOUNG kids (say, 3-7 year old range), that encourage some sense of enpowerment about health and eating choices (because for 95 percent of people who are obese, its a matter of making better choices), and yet not castigating of judging people who either make bad choices, or who really have some medical condition (or bad genes) that are going to make them pear-shaped no matter WHAT they do?

For a long while I avoided the word "fat", because I didn't want my 3-year-old (who had no filter to call someone fat. But now that he's 7, what do I say? Obese? Do I correct him when he accurately says "that person is fat" out of earshot? I usually say, "yes, that's true, but we would never want that person to hear us saying that. It's OK to say it to me, but remember that we would,'t say that to someone who was overweight."

Is that the right answer? I know I struggle to have this conversation in a way that 1) keeps it "real"; 2) encourages some measure of self-responsibility; and 3) is sympathetic to the fact that its not so easy for everyone, and it doesn't change a person's value.

It's easy to jump on the OP's back (she stepped in it), but does anyone want to have the real conversation?