Overweight kids - how to help my child understand that fine line between bullying and the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - one more thought. If my son asked me why an Asian person looked different from us, I would say it's because he's Asian. I wouldn't be concerned that if, at school, a classmate asked why an Asian student looked different from him, that if he responded "he's Asian" he would get in trouble. But if my son asked me why an obese person looked different from us and I said "she's obese," and explained to him what that means and what the negative implications of that lifestyle are, and he then responded to a similar question at school from a classmate about an obese student by saying that the person is obese and explaining the negative health impacts, he might be labeled a bully.

You teach your child not to lecture other kids about obesity. I'm really starting to think you are overthinking this/you kind of want your kid to be the healthy crusader of his class. I can't imagine a kid is going to ask your son "why do you eat veggies?" and your son is going to launch into this whole thing about how said kid is obese and here are all the health impacts he is facing. You are REALLY over thinking this. Or else you are totally loony. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I never said he would say that "you are fat" in response. I said he might say I am eating this way because it's healthy and I don't want to be fat. That's not a comment about anyone personally. I really don't understand some of these responses. They are so totally off point. I suppose it's probably a bunch of overweight people who are proving my point that you can't say boo about weight without being attacked.

[Anonymous]

Lol PP nailed it with the "you just want to be able to call people fatass in front of your kid." DH and I are both healthy and active and raising are kid the same way. Thankfully he loves veggies and fruit. But does anyone else see that OP is setting her kids up to have an unhealthy relationship with food?

I grew up with a mom who taught me like how OP appears to be teaching her kid. Fat was ugly. Which to me meant skinny was beautiful. I hit puberty and started to gain weight and by 15 I was full on anorexic. Overcame that and became bulimic. I fought bulimia for almost 10 years until I met my now husband. It is still difficult for me if I put on some weight (and pregnancy was near hell in the beginning). Just a thought OP. Less likely to happen with boys I know, but still you just have to be careful how you phrase things to little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I never said he would say that "you are fat" in response. I said he might say I am eating this way because it's healthy and I don't want to be fat. That's not a comment about anyone personally. I really don't understand some of these responses. They are so totally off point. I suppose it's probably a bunch of overweight people who are proving my point that you can't say boo about weight without being attacked.

In no way would that be taken as bullying. You are over thinking this WAYYYYY too much. If that is all he says, that's fine. If he says "I don't want to be fat like you" that is a problem. But yeah, you are over thinking this so much I don't even know what to say. You have some seriously unhealthy views going on. And no, I'm not overweight.

[Anonymous]

We are very open with our DS that he will get fat if he eats too much fatty processed food. In our household fat is neither healthy nor attractive. And we use the word fat, not metabolically challenged or curvy. He's 7 1/2 and has never said anything to any child about their weight. He knows fat is not good and he knows that hurting people's feelings isn't good either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Let's say he gets made fun of in the lunch room for eating vegetables and hummus instead of potato chips, and when asked why he eats those things he says he's eating that way so that he does not become fat. In light of the current response schools have toward bullying, I could imagine if one of those taunting him was overweight or obese that he would get in trouble for it. That is my concern - not that he would call someone fat to their face - that's just stupid.

Just teach him to say he's eating those foods because they taste good and they are healthy. That's fine.

My kid's a vegetarian. When kids ask him how come he won't eat the chicken tenders, he tells them " I don't like the way they taste". IN fact, he doesn't like the idea of eating animal carcasses. That't the TRUTH but I have told him it is poor manners to use such words when people are in fact eating animal carcasses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I never said he would say that "you are fat" in response. I said he might say I am eating this way because it's healthy and I don't want to be fat. That's not a comment about anyone personally. I really don't understand some of these responses. They are so totally off point. I suppose it's probably a bunch of overweight people who are proving my point that you can't say boo about weight without being attacked.

If your 7 year old son immediately and spontaneously says "I'm eating carrots because I don't want to get FAT" then you are WAYYYYY overemphasizing the fear of getting fat. Just talk about how food is good for you and you enjoy the taste. Don't keep harping on how it bad food will make you FAT. You are really going to mess up your child and interfere with a healthy relationship with food.

[Anonymous]

Here OP -- I have a challenge for you. Imagine your son sits down to dinner and you are giving him a cutlet of lean, skinless chicken breast, steamed broccoli, and a nice green salad. He says, "This kid at school says they can make homemade waffle fries -- it comes in a bag and you bake it in your oven. Can we have that sometime?"

Answer him without saying "that food makes you fat". See if you can do it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are very open with our DS that he will get fat if he eats too much fatty processed food. In our household fat is neither healthy nor attractive. And we use the word fat, not metabolically challenged or curvy. He's 7 1/2 and has never said anything to any child about their weight. He knows fat is not good and he knows that hurting people's feelings isn't good either.

So let's say that as a teen or young adult, a child raised like this finds himself with an under active thyroid or an autoimmune condition that requires prednisone...now that skinny kid who has been taught his whole life that skinny is the only option and fat is gross an unacceptable becomes either anorexic or suicidal because he is completely disgusted with himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. You sound toxic.

How about encourage him to eat healthy food and stay active so that his body is healthy and strong. Leave everyone else out of it. He shouldn't comment on other people's appearance at all.

This. Weight shouldn't be a topic of discussion at all, just healthy foods and lots of activity.

[Anonymous]

I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. As if weight and eating and proper weight are entirely within a little fat kid's control, and that kid made the decision to be unhealthy, unlike your superior kid.

At the same time, you also seem to feel that someone needs to "break the news" to them that they are obese and eating in an unhealthy way, as if they do not realize that (despite what is probably daily harassment and teasing, and the mirror).

OP, how about simply leaving fat people alone. How about teaching your kid about himself, not about other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess what bothers me about your posts, esp. the second one, OP, is that you seem to view fatness and fat people as entirely self-willed -- as if they just sit down to unhealthy food 3 times a day because they want to be obese, having made that decision. ing fat people alone.

Not OP, but most overweight people do have some say over their size. If they're not choosing healthy food and exercise, that is a matter of will or, if they're a very small child, *maybe* not knowing better. Most people do not have medical conditions or special circumstances making them fat.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sad for your child.

[Anonymous]

OP, would love to know what you consider to be fat.

[Anonymous]

What I fear is that my son will say something inadvertent, not that he will say something purposefully mean (like calling someone "fat and ugly.") Let's say he gets made fun of in the lunch room for eating vegetables and hummus instead of potato chips, and when asked why he eats those things he says he's eating that way so that he does not become fat.

OP, you're projecting your own feelings about fat and nutrition onto your son. The reason he is eating veggies and hummus is because 1) it's healthy. 2) its tasty or 3) his mom made him.If he says "so I don't get fat," that is entirely your fault and problem. most children will not equate eating healthy food with 'not getting fat' unless one of their parents is obsessed with weight. Why should 'fat' even come into it at this age? I tell my kids that we need all different colors and kinds of foods to keep us healthy and that a lot of sugar is not healthy for us. I never use the word fat, at this age. Look on the website for revolution foods, aimed at kids. There are all kinds of ways of talking about healthy food without bringing someone's weight into it. You can talk about vitamins, you can talk about processed versus unprocessed, you can talk about where food comes from and what is done to it, all of this can go a long way toward explaining food choices without bringing weight, looks, shame, bullying into it.