Do you wish you had your children younger

[Anonymous]

Now that I am a 47 yo Mom of a 6 and 8 yo...I wish I had started sooner. My parents had us (3 kids) all before age 30. They had a few grandchildren in early 50's (my sibling who married in 20's) and now have 8 grandchildren age 4-24! I think their 50's, 60's and 70's have been the best years of their lives, enjoying retirement, children and grandkids. I enjoyed my 20's and early 30's and don't know what kind of parent I would have been had I married and had kids sooner. Nothing I can do about it, now.
I heard a quote today regarding regret.....the person said:
"I am so happy where my feet are today - I can't look back and worry about my footsteps". I like that.

[Anonymous]

Above poster, again....
I do worry that I won't see or enjoy grandkids the way my parents do. That makes me sad.......but what can you do. That said, my grandmother lived to over 100 and saw all 8 of her great-grandchildren....and was "with it" enough to really enjoy them.....I hope I am that lucky (and healthy).....

[Anonymous]

Yes you are judging. I went to law school, did well and joined BigLaw. Good thing I met my DH through mutual friends in my 20s. Still didn't have my first until 34 because I waited to make partner before having my first. It's the best of all worlds, for me anyway.

"Girl goes to law school and does really well. Girl joins a law firm and works like crazy with no time to go out and meet people. Spends late 20s at work, going out very rarely with a guy she knows isn't right, rarely going out with friends in a situation where she would just meet someone. Girl prioritizes pleasing boss/clients, and gets golden handcuffs. Girl turns 30. Girl starts to realize that clock is ticking. Girl doesn't yet want to give up job with long hours because that has become her life and she has the golden handcuffs. Girl either tries to make partner, thus delaying more, or frantically starts internet dating. In mid-thirties, and a bit desperate, it is hard to find a compatible person. Some make it, and some don't.

I'm not judging. This scenario describes most of my best friends. Moreover, but for the grace of god, go I. Instead, I was one who married so early that, even with waiting almost a decade, I was still fairly young to become a mom, for DC standards. But, it is not wrong at all to say that these women are in this situation because they (like I) prioritized their career over having a family when they were younger."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10:04 - you missed my point. I don't care when you had kids. I don't care IF you have kids. I was responding to a few nasty posters who were leveling nasty accusations about career women who waited too long to have kids. Those accusations get tired and silly. There are plenty of young moms out there, and that's great, but for a lot of us, that just wasn't how things turned out. It's fine if you chose to have kids early - or didn't choose and had kids early anyway - but a lot of us didn't meet the guy in our 20's, or at all. I just think it's a silly myth that women should be blamed for their infertility because they "chose to wait" for too long - in most of the cases I know, it wasn't a choice, but a circumstance.

In some cases, this is true. But, for the vast majority of the people that I know that are either in this situation, or came close to being in this situation (i.e., met the guy at 35-40, got married, had kids), it happened more like this: Girl goes to law school and does really well. Girl joins a law firm and works like crazy with no time to go out and meet people. Spends late 20s at work, going out very rarely with a guy she knows isn't right, rarely going out with friends in a situation where she would just meet someone. Girl prioritizes pleasing boss/clients, and gets golden handcuffs. Girl turns 30. Girl starts to realize that clock is ticking. Girl doesn't yet want to give up job with long hours because that has become her life and she has the golden handcuffs. Girl either tries to make partner, thus delaying more, or frantically starts internet dating. In mid-thirties, and a bit desperate, it is hard to find a compatible person. Some make it, and some don't.

I'm not judging. This scenario describes most of my best friends. Moreover, but for the grace of god, go I. Instead, I was one who married so early that, even with waiting almost a decade, I was still fairly young to become a mom, for DC standards. But, it is not wrong at all to say that these women are in this situation because they (like I) prioritized their career over having a family when they were younger.

I believe you when you say this is the case for your girlfriends, but not mine. I'm 32 and have lived in DC since right out of college, 22. I have 4-5 very good girlfriends who, while they do have careers, have put family and dating first and it's been a priority for them. Unfortunately DC is a difficult place to find someone, as so many of the men are also work-centric and you tend to really only meet people in your "circle". They are now all between the ages of 30-34 and still single, want to meet the right man just as much now as they did in their 20's. It's been a difficult journey for them. I didn't meet my DH until 30, again not because I was putting career first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes you are judging. I went to law school, did well and joined BigLaw. Good thing I met my DH through mutual friends in my 20s. Still didn't have my first until 34 because I waited to make partner before having my first. It's the best of all worlds, for me anyway.

"Girl goes to law school and does really well. Girl joins a law firm and works like crazy with no time to go out and meet people. Spends late 20s at work, going out very rarely with a guy she knows isn't right, rarely going out with friends in a situation where she would just meet someone. Girl prioritizes pleasing boss/clients, and gets golden handcuffs. Girl turns 30. Girl starts to realize that clock is ticking. Girl doesn't yet want to give up job with long hours because that has become her life and she has the golden handcuffs. Girl either tries to make partner, thus delaying more, or frantically starts internet dating. In mid-thirties, and a bit desperate, it is hard to find a compatible person. Some make it, and some don't.

I'm not judging. This scenario describes most of my best friends. Moreover, but for the grace of god, go I. Instead, I was one who married so early that, even with waiting almost a decade, I was still fairly young to become a mom, for DC standards. But, it is not wrong at all to say that these women are in this situation because they (like I) prioritized their career over having a family when they were younger."

Nope, I'm really not judging, or at least I am not judging the women. I think that is wonderful for you that you were able to have it all. But that doesn't change the fact that you - like I - prioritized your career when you were younger. You chose to wait, but you were in the advantageous position of being able to start trying for a child whenever you decided it was time. Most of my friends were not in that position, and when they realized that they were going to need to do something, they had to start way back on "find a guy." That is a lot riskier, especially considering that it is much more difficult for a successful mid-career woman that is used to living a single life to find a partner than for a freewheeling twenty-something who may or may not turn out to be more successful than the guy.

In some way, I guess I am blaming - not really judging - the law firm culture. As newly minted BigLaw associates, we give our lives to the job. You have to, both to succeed and to have any happiness in it. You may try to have balance, but really the priority must be the job. Young associates are constantly forced to cancel plans and are disencouraged to have children. Thus, the acknowledgement of the issue hits like a brick, and then it turns to desperation. Then, you have older, more successful, women trying to find a perfect (they are used to perfection by this time, not that that is a bad thing in a mate, but it does make the first step harder) person to marry in a short time period, all while trying to maintain their career, and without discussing the timing issue with potential suiters, who aren't themselves constrained and pushed in the same manner.

I don't have the solution. I'm just identifying the problem, which I think is a subculture that encourages prioritizing career over family, at least in the younger portions of a woman's career.

[Anonymous]

No. I think I speak for a lot of women when I say my 20s were very much me finding myself. I had a lot of insecurities etc. My 30s are much better - I'm more confident and I have many more accomplishments to build on - not just career-wise but in the way I treat people, treat myself, approach the world.

Had my first at 32 and second at 35 and that seemed right for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Young one, allow me to break this to you.

There IS NO fountain of youth.

You, too, will develop wrinkles one day, sagging breasts (if you don't already have them) and cellulite. Come post again when you're a bit more mature, sweets, so that we can have a real discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.

LMAO tell me about it. I go to Mom's Group meetups and show up seeing a bunch of women MY mother's age. I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages.

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.

You misunderstand my point- I'm not making fun of these women for being old. I'm just remarking on the fairly D.C.-centric phenomenon of women in their early-mid 40s having toddlers. It's definitely not like that in many other areas of the country- women here just tend to have kids later, so I was agreeing with the PP quoted that we live in an odd area where it's equally common to see a 27 year old and a 43 year old with children the same age.

As to the PP who asked if I work- I have no idea why the answer to that question would be at all relevant to my comment.

[Anonymous]

Is having 1st child at 32 and 2nd child at 33 (almost 34) considered an older mom?
One of the posters described herself as being an older mom for having her child at age 34. I would consider this the average age, neither younger or older. I know it's a matter of opinion but in regards to this discussion I'm just wondering how others are defining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young one, allow me to break this to you.

There IS NO fountain of youth.

You, too, will develop wrinkles one day, sagging breasts (if you don't already have them) and cellulite. Come post again when you're a bit more mature, sweets, so that we can have a real discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.

LMAO tell me about it. I go to Mom's Group meetups and show up seeing a bunch of women MY mother's age. I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages.

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.

You misunderstand my point- I'm not making fun of these women for being old. I'm just remarking on the fairly D.C.-centric phenomenon of women in their early-mid 40s having toddlers. It's definitely not like that in many other areas of the country- women here just tend to have kids later, so I was agreeing with the PP quoted that we live in an odd area where it's equally common to see a 27 year old and a 43 year old with children the same age.

As to the PP who asked if I work- I have no idea why the answer to that question would be at all relevant to my comment.

I didn't misinterpret your tone - "I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages."

Explain your way around that one and then get back to me in about 10 years. "These women" - these? really?

[Anonymous]

Too old and you'll never see grandkids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too old and you'll never see grandkids

Yes this happened to me (my kids)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too old and you'll never see grandkids

Too old and too smug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Young one, allow me to break this to you.

There IS NO fountain of youth.

You, too, will develop wrinkles one day, sagging breasts (if you don't already have them) and cellulite. Come post again when you're a bit more mature, sweets, so that we can have a real discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.

LMAO tell me about it. I go to Mom's Group meetups and show up seeing a bunch of women MY mother's age. I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages.

I am 27, one toddler, done. I realize that's extremely young for this area and I'm sure people look at me like I'm a Teen Mom. I am glad that I got it out of the way and went through pregnancy when I was young and fit and bounced right back. I do have lots of energy for my DC. But I also worry that, unlike a lot of older moms, I don't have the patience that would really benefit my DC that I'd have if I were a late 30s mom. Those women really just don't give a shit. They'll sit there for hours waiting for their DC to quit dawdling. I'm too impatient.

Had I known *just how dramatic* the shift in life would be upon having a kid (I know people tell you but come on, there's just no way to know until you have one) I definitely might have waited longer. I do like the idea of my DC being graduated and out of my house when I'm only in my early 40s. It's possible I missed out on some life experiences and selfishness by having a child in my mid 20s, so maybe I'll just use that time to catch up.

You misunderstand my point- I'm not making fun of these women for being old. I'm just remarking on the fairly D.C.-centric phenomenon of women in their early-mid 40s having toddlers. It's definitely not like that in many other areas of the country- women here just tend to have kids later, so I was agreeing with the PP quoted that we live in an odd area where it's equally common to see a 27 year old and a 43 year old with children the same age.

As to the PP who asked if I work- I have no idea why the answer to that question would be at all relevant to my comment.

I didn't misinterpret your tone - "I mean good for them, but seriously, what do I have in common with these women besides our kids' ages."

Explain your way around that one and then get back to me in about 10 years. "These women" - these? really?

Lady, you're baffling me. I was referencing a group of women I had just mentioned. "These women" seemed as appropriate a phrase as any. I nowhere used derogatory terms like ugly, saggy tits, or wrinkles- those were YOUR words. When I said I don't have anything in common with them, I didn't mean in terms of looks. I meant literally, we are at different places in our lives. I could probably not interest a 44 year old woman in conversation much more than she could interest me. Aside from our kids, if they were the same age, what would we have to talk about? Probably not much. I highly doubt a 44 year old has the patience to listen to what a 27 year old considers important problems. If you have a complex about your age or whatever, that's on you- I did not insult women who are older than me by saying we have not much in common. In plain truth, we do not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:such a weird area we live in (McLean), we're younger in our 30s with toddlers, besides the the obvious trophy wives or second wives with the original kids all the moms are old as shit.

What else would you expect in McLean?

I am 32. I have a six year old and was recently asked at the play ground how long I had been his nanny.

McLean is a really wierd place!!! I want to move back to San Fran!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Too old and you'll never see grandkids

This is not and never has been important to me. Much more important to have a lot of money in the bank and career well underway before I had kids.