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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes you are judging.  I went to law school, did well and joined BigLaw. Good thing I met my DH through mutual friends in my 20s. Still didn't have my first until 34 because I waited to make partner before having my first. It's the best of all worlds, for me anyway.

"Girl goes to law school and does really well. Girl joins a law firm and works like crazy with no time to go out and meet people. Spends late 20s at work, going out very rarely with a guy she knows isn't right, rarely going out with friends in a situation where she would just meet someone. Girl prioritizes pleasing boss/clients, and gets golden handcuffs. Girl turns 30. Girl starts to realize that clock is ticking. Girl doesn't yet want to give up job with long hours because that has become her life and she has the golden handcuffs. Girl either tries to make partner, thus delaying more, or frantically starts internet dating. In mid-thirties, and a bit desperate, it is hard to find a compatible person. Some make it, and some don't.

I'm not judging. This scenario describes most of my best friends. Moreover, but for the grace of god, go I. Instead, I was one who married so early that, even with waiting almost a decade, I was still fairly young to become a mom, for DC standards. But, it is not wrong at all to say that these women are in this situation because they (like I) prioritized their career over having a family when they were younger." 
[/quote]

Nope, I'm really not judging, or at least I am not judging the women.  I think that is wonderful for you that you were able to have it all.  But that doesn't change the fact that you - like I - prioritized your career when you were younger.  You chose to wait, but you were in the advantageous position of being able to start trying for a child whenever you decided it was time.  Most of my friends were not in that position, and when they realized that they were going to need to do something, they had to start way back on "find a guy."  That is a lot riskier, especially considering that it is much more difficult for a successful mid-career woman that is used to living a single life to find a partner than for a freewheeling twenty-something who may or may not turn out to be more successful than the guy.

In some way, I guess I am blaming - not really judging - the law firm culture.  As newly minted BigLaw associates, we give our lives to the job.  You have to, both to succeed and to have any happiness in it.  You may try to have balance, but really the priority must be the job.  Young associates are constantly forced to cancel plans and are disencouraged to have children.  Thus, the acknowledgement of the issue hits like a brick, and then it turns to desperation.  Then, you have older, more successful, women trying to find a perfect (they are used to perfection by this time, not that that is a bad thing in a mate, but it does make the first step harder) person to marry in a short time period, all while trying to maintain their career, and without discussing the timing issue with potential suiters, who aren't themselves constrained and pushed in the same manner.

I don't have the solution.  I'm just identifying the problem, which I think is a subculture that encourages prioritizing career over family, at least in the younger portions of a woman's career.[/quote]

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