Out of town in laws attendance at birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since they’re 4 hours away do they expect to spend the night at your house?

+1 this is a very significant added burden on the birthday weekend. Especially if OP is seeing them the following weekend and they can celebrate then. 7 is not a milestone and I think what OP did was totally fine.

You think it's totally fine to rub a party in their face they weren't invited to? Where did you learn that?

Where did the grandparents learn they can demand invites?

[Anonymous]

Yikes. I have difficult ILs with whom I don’t get along and even I know an invite should have been extended, whether they would have come or not, and regardless of the upcoming visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since they’re 4 hours away do they expect to spend the night at your house?

+1 this is a very significant added burden on the birthday weekend. Especially if OP is seeing them the following weekend and they can celebrate then. 7 is not a milestone and I think what OP did was totally fine.

You think it's totally fine to rub a party in their face they weren't invited to? Where did you learn that?

Where did the grandparents learn they can demand invites?

Did they demand? Or have a normal reaction to finding out they were excluded from a party that was flaunted in their face?

[Anonymous]

Invite everyone. Let them turn it down if they can't make it.

Also, don't overshare. Are you posting all of this on line and they see your parents on line at the party? Of course MIL will be hurt.

[Anonymous]

I don't have grandkids yet but the older I get the more I get it. Life is fleeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have grandkids yet but the older I get the more I get it. Life is fleeting.

It is, so make honey not vinegar. Be wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s ridiculous to invite the out of town grandparents. The party is for and about the child, not the grands. They can make the trip another time and let the child have her party.

Im the PP whose in-laws came to all the kids’ bday parties. We don’t do anything special for the in-laws (or other adults) for the actual party. They did bowling parties, trampoline park parties, ice skating parties and offer kid food (pizza, bday cake etc). it’s all about the kids and the adults are just watching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yikes. I have difficult ILs with whom I don’t get along and even I know an invite should have been extended, whether they would have come or not, and regardless of the upcoming visit.

I have easy in-laws, which is why we include them. A quick way of destroying a relationship is telling someone else how the relationship should go.

[Anonymous]

My kids party is later this month and I’m totally dreading the in-laws coming. I know that sounds terrible. I just don’t have the energy to host, nonstop cleaning, cooking 3x a day. I also feel like I can’t focus on what my kids need and making sure the day is wonderful for them. All of that sounds stupid, but I become an anxious mess. My own parents are local and just come for the party and leave after. It’s not a big production for them.

[Anonymous]

Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

[Anonymous]

The reason you know the DH dropped the ball here is because if the situation were reversed, no one would blame the DH, it would be on OP.

Like if OP's ILs lived locally and her parents lived 4 hours away, and then invited the local ILs to the party and not her own parents, and then her mom called in tears because she'd been left out, no one, and I mean no one, would say "Well why didn't your DH anticipate that your parents would be upset about this and insist on inviting them?" It sounds absurd just thinking about it. It would be on OP for not considering that her parents would feel left out specifically because the ILs were invited and that even if they couldn't come, they'd want to feel like they were wanted. No one would expect her husband to anticipate that! It's absurd.

Yet people will sit here and accuse OP of intentionally leaving out her ILs or of being callous or neglectful for not inviting them when it was within her husband's power the entire time to just let them know the party was happening and tell them they are of course welcome but also that everyone understands it's a long drive.

Also the people claiming a child's 7th birthday party is a very important family event are nuts. Unless you only have one grandchild in the whole family, that is a minor event. The kid won't even remember it in a few years. If in a one-grandchild family, I think it's minimally important. It would be okay for no grandparents to come and to just send cards or gifts and FaceTime the day of. It's not high school graduation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

You don't pay for people who don't jump at Sky Zone, dork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

Let's not make this harder than it is - if grandparents live driving difference (like a few hours that doesn't require an overnight) and you see them regularly, sure, invite or mention to them. If someone requires an overnight and you to host, no, no one's saying that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The reason you know the DH dropped the ball here is because if the situation were reversed, no one would blame the DH, it would be on OP.

Like if OP's ILs lived locally and her parents lived 4 hours away, and then invited the local ILs to the party and not her own parents, and then her mom called in tears because she'd been left out, no one, and I mean no one, would say "Well why didn't your DH anticipate that your parents would be upset about this and insist on inviting them?" It sounds absurd just thinking about it. It would be on OP for not considering that her parents would feel left out specifically because the ILs were invited and that even if they couldn't come, they'd want to feel like they were wanted. No one would expect her husband to anticipate that! It's absurd.

Yet people will sit here and accuse OP of intentionally leaving out her ILs or of being callous or neglectful for not inviting them when it was within her husband's power the entire time to just let them know the party was happening and tell them they are of course welcome but also that everyone understands it's a long drive.

Also the people claiming a child's 7th birthday party is a very important family event are nuts. Unless you only have one grandchild in the whole family, that is a minor event. The kid won't even remember it in a few years. If in a one-grandchild family, I think it's minimally important. It would be okay for no grandparents to come and to just send cards or gifts and FaceTime the day of. It's not high school graduation.

We don't know the DH dropped the ball. It would be nice if OP came back and told us who effed up and told the in-laws about it in the first place. OP can be reporting all this 2nd hand and all of this is from her DH who told her they were offended. Quite a lot of missing details here. But, if you don't want the blowback don't be an exclusive jerk in the first place. An invite you know they wouldn't accept anyway would have gone a long way.