Out of town in laws attendance at birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter just turned 7. We had a birthday party with all her friends as she requested. My in laws live 4 hours away, we had already made plans to visit my in laws and extended family the weekend after her birthday party for a bridal shower so we did not invite my husbands family. We figured we would come early and spend a long weekend with everyone and celebrate my daughter with cake/etc.
My parents/siblings are local so we invited them. My nieces are around the same ages as my daughter and really wanted them there (nieces on my husband side are much younger).

My MIL is so offended she was not invited to her birthday and my parents/family were. Am i crazy for thinking this is absolutely out of line?! Despite the distance we see my ILs pretty often (at least one weekend a month).

I’m so tired of feeling guilty about inviting my parents to anything since they are local. My ILs live near their other grandchildren and kids so it’s not like they are alone. The other day we got a babysitter when my parents weren’t available and my MIL was upset because we didn’t ask her to come down and babysit. Is this normal?’

Are you for real? You see them that often and didn’t let her know about the party? It doesn’t mean that they will come or will be obligated to come but very odd to have such a close relationship and not even mention the party so they could decide for themselves.

[Anonymous]

You see them often enough that the drive is clearly not a big deal for them. I really don't get why you didn't invite them. It causes no extra work for you. You don't need to figure out if it works with your schedule. You don't need to figure out transportation. If they normally stay with you, you could have had DH book a hotel, which takes all of 5 minutes. This seems like a major oversight on your part and I'm really surprised you need so many people to point this out for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all these folks piling on you are a bit nuts, as we live here and we never really thought about asking my parents in NY to come down for every event. However, next time be smart and head it off at the pass and ahead of time and prime the pump and say “and let’s do something special for Larla’s birthday when we’re up there that weekend”. So they know they get to celebrate the birthday.

And yes, they have to realize that the grandparents down the street are going to see these kids more. If they’re that put out, are they going to drive in every time you need an emergency babysitter? Your parents get that “honor”. I didn’t think so.

Agree. And who drives four hours to a seven-year-old’s birthday party? Are you kidding me? Wow, some people really do not have a life. OP, let your husband deal with his family as they sound annoying and kinda nuts. lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You see them often enough that the drive is clearly not a big deal for them. I really don't get why you didn't invite them. It causes no extra work for you. You don't need to figure out if it works with your schedule. You don't need to figure out transportation. If they normally stay with you, you could have had DH book a hotel, which takes all of 5 minutes. This seems like a major oversight on your part and I'm really surprised you need so many people to point this out for you.

Why is it an oversight on her part and not the husband? Where is the husband in all of this? It is his family. Also, I bet if you book a hotel for them, then they’re going to be offended by that so you can’t win. Let your husband deal with his family as anything you do is going to be critiqued and judged. I would ignore her complaints if I was you. Who has time for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think all these folks piling on you are a bit nuts, as we live here and we never really thought about asking my parents in NY to come down for every event. However, next time be smart and head it off at the pass and ahead of time and prime the pump and say “and let’s do something special for Larla’s birthday when we’re up there that weekend”. So they know they get to celebrate the birthday.

And yes, they have to realize that the grandparents down the street are going to see these kids more. If they’re that put out, are they going to drive in every time you need an emergency babysitter? Your parents get that “honor”. I didn’t think so.

So, let me get this straight. Because you choose not to invite your out of state parents to "every event" you think it's fine for OP not to invite her inlaws but her own parents to what most would consider an important event--a grandchild's birthday party? ok . . .

NOPE

Her parents live locally. They can just swing by, attend party and leave. She would have to probably accommodate the in-laws as they’re not gonna drive an 8 hour round-trip in one day which makes their visit at least a 24 hour visit versus her parents swinging by for a 1 to 2 hour party. Geesh. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Screw all these people piling on. Husband can invite his parents. If they think she’s miserable and awful for it, then their relationship isn’t going to be very good, and it won’t be her fault.

[Anonymous]

Agree you should have invited them, though I place blame on your DH who should have been the one to invite them. Your MIL should be mad at her son.

[Anonymous]

My kid has never had any grandparents at any birthday because they aren't interested. Some of you are just inventing problems for yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You see them often enough that the drive is clearly not a big deal for them. I really don't get why you didn't invite them. It causes no extra work for you. You don't need to figure out if it works with your schedule. You don't need to figure out transportation. If they normally stay with you, you could have had DH book a hotel, which takes all of 5 minutes. This seems like a major oversight on your part and I'm really surprised you need so many people to point this out for you.

Why is it an oversight on her part and not the husband? Where is the husband in all of this? It is his family. Also, I bet if you book a hotel for them, then they’re going to be offended by that so you can’t win. Let your husband deal with his family as anything you do is going to be critiqued and judged. I would ignore her complaints if I was you. Who has time for that?

I can guarantee OP was the hostess who planned the party and issued the invites. In that case it would be on her to extend an invite to the ILs as well. It's always nice to just be invited, even if it doesn't even make sense for the to come. Issue the invite, they say no, and everyone's happy.

[Anonymous]

You always send the invite.

You don’t assume they can’t make it. You don’t assume that they wanna plan cake at a later date.

It’s not about the cake. It’s about seeing the grandchild with her friends.

Stop making decisions for them just send the invite.

[Anonymous]

It just seems like with how often you see these people you almost went out of your way to not mention the party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It just seems like with how often you see these people you almost went out of your way to not mention the party.

I'll bet OP sent an evite which would have been so easy to just include the in-laws. But she went out of her way to not add one ore name and wanted her husband to just call them and read them the details over the phone? Why make life so much harder?

[Anonymous]

If I have a family gathering celebrating my kids i always invite everyone. Your mother in law had the right to be upset. You are being silly to pretend she is unreasonable about the party. One caveat, if I extend an invite for you to join me at large at home kids parties then you have to get a hotel because I dont have time to entertain guests.

The 4 hour baby sitting last minute I can understand as I wouldnt instantly think of asking someone 4 hours away to babysit. Out of sight out of mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You see them often enough that the drive is clearly not a big deal for them. I really don't get why you didn't invite them. It causes no extra work for you. You don't need to figure out if it works with your schedule. You don't need to figure out transportation. If they normally stay with you, you could have had DH book a hotel, which takes all of 5 minutes. This seems like a major oversight on your part and I'm really surprised you need so many people to point this out for you.

Why is it an oversight on her part and not the husband? Where is the husband in all of this? It is his family. Also, I bet if you book a hotel for them, then they’re going to be offended by that so you can’t win. Let your husband deal with his family as anything you do is going to be critiqued and judged. I would ignore her complaints if I was you. Who has time for that?

I can guarantee OP was the hostess who planned the party and issued the invites. In that case it would be on her to extend an invite to the ILs as well. It's always nice to just be invited, even if it doesn't even make sense for the to come. Issue the invite, they say no, and everyone's happy.

This isn’t preventing the husband from extending an invite

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You see them often enough that the drive is clearly not a big deal for them. I really don't get why you didn't invite them. It causes no extra work for you. You don't need to figure out if it works with your schedule. You don't need to figure out transportation. If they normally stay with you, you could have had DH book a hotel, which takes all of 5 minutes. This seems like a major oversight on your part and I'm really surprised you need so many people to point this out for you.

Why is it an oversight on her part and not the husband? Where is the husband in all of this? It is his family. Also, I bet if you book a hotel for them, then they’re going to be offended by that so you can’t win. Let your husband deal with his family as anything you do is going to be critiqued and judged. I would ignore her complaints if I was you. Who has time for that?

I can guarantee OP was the hostess who planned the party and issued the invites. In that case it would be on her to extend an invite to the ILs as well. It's always nice to just be invited, even if it doesn't even make sense for the to come. Issue the invite, they say no, and everyone's happy.

This isn’t preventing the husband from extending an invite

A wife saying do not invite your parents is absolutely preventing husband from extending an invitation.