Out of town in laws attendance at birthdays

[Anonymous]

You should’ve just told them, and then it wouldn’t been up to them whether they’d travel 4 hours for the party. But your MIL might be trying to guilt trip you, and wouldn’t have come but is using this to attack.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should’ve just told them, and then it wouldn’t been up to them whether they’d travel 4 hours for the party. But your MIL might be trying to guilt trip you, and wouldn’t have come but is using this to attack.

The sooner the MIL shows her true colors the easier to decide which boundaries to draw. Threats and attacks? No thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the fact is that your MIL will forever be comparing how much your parents are involved in your kids’ lives due to being local.

My parents live very nearby. MIL lives about an hour away. MIL is so jealous she can’t see straight. When DC was younger it was very stressful for DH and me, always trying to keep the peace.

Now that DC is a teen and MIL has blown up her relationship a million and one times with DH, it’s not much of an issue. But that competition of the MIL will always, always be there. Good luck.

Peace comes after the MIL blows up her relationships.

Or some mils learn how to manage their jealousy, understand other people have feelings to, and become delightful and invited.

But it’s up to the mil to decide the path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since they’re 4 hours away do they expect to spend the night at your house?

Yes of course. My in-laws are in their 70’s and live 3 hours away. They stay with us for at least a few days when they come over for the kids bday parities.

Are you OP? Let that troll come back and speak for herself.

Maybe she's too busy sticking pins in a doll that looks suspiciously like her MIL. Or at church. Give the poor thing some grace.

I think she ran off to start the new thread about hating her BIL and wanting to skip his wedding.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:IL posts are tough. I hope that most of the posters are just trolling. If not, DCUM is really full of sad and spiteful women. And for whom karma awaits.

Are you a boy mom by any chance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IL posts are tough. I hope that most of the posters are just trolling. If not, DCUM is really full of sad and spiteful women. And for whom karma awaits.

Are you a boy mom by any chance?

The ‘boy moms’ realize that one day their involvement with their sons and grandchildren will be at the whim of their future DILs, so they are very defensive about inlaw posts like these.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If these ILs truly drove in at the drop of a hat, made themselves useful, and were delightful to be around and took care of themselves, they would have been invited. The OP wouldn’t have thought about it. The fact that they were not and lost their minds tells me everything I need to know about them, especially since they were going to see the kid the following weekend, Also, a seventh birthday is not some major milestone. We invited out of town grandparents for first birthday, Christening, that kind of thing. We did not invite for kindergarten graduation, random number birthdays, etc, and no one got upset. We planned visits when it worked for everyone because visits meant that someone was staying somewhere for a few days and would need more time and planning because it would be a lot of togetherness when there were many other things going on. Kids were happy because “two cakes! More balloons!” and the activity was centered on the grandparents and grandchildren.

Ok. 7yr olds mostly just want their friends at the party but OP is the one who decided it was friends and SOME family. She knew what she was doing and now is like "woe is me! ILs are mad!" as if this was unforeseeable. She made her bed and can lie in it.

7yo wanted cousins. The kid ones, not the preschool ones.

Nice. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, you should have invited them.
I didn't understand family birthdays until I married DH and his grandparents were invited to every birthday.
We only invited school friends.

[Anonymous]

If your parents are invited, then invite your DH’s parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IL posts are tough. I hope that most of the posters are just trolling. If not, DCUM is really full of sad and spiteful women. And for whom karma awaits.

Are you a boy mom by any chance?

Actually the opposite in both respects. Surprised, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since they’re 4 hours away do they expect to spend the night at your house?

+1 this is a very significant added burden on the birthday weekend. Especially if OP is seeing them the following weekend and they can celebrate then. 7 is not a milestone and I think what OP did was totally fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter just turned 7. We had a birthday party with all her friends as she requested. My in laws live 4 hours away, we had already made plans to visit my in laws and extended family the weekend after her birthday party for a bridal shower so we did not invite my husbands family. We figured we would come early and spend a long weekend with everyone and celebrate my daughter with cake/etc.
My parents/siblings are local so we invited them. My nieces are around the same ages as my daughter and really wanted them there (nieces on my husband side are much younger).

My MIL is so offended she was not invited to her birthday and my parents/family were. Am i crazy for thinking this is absolutely out of line?! Despite the distance we see my ILs pretty often (at least one weekend a month).

I’m so tired of feeling guilty about inviting my parents to anything since they are local. My ILs live near their other grandchildren and kids so it’s not like they are alone. The other day we got a babysitter when my parents weren’t available and my MIL was upset because we didn’t ask her to come down and babysit. Is this normal?’

Next time just communicate the plan ahead of time, including your reasoning, and give them an opportunity to say "actually we'd totally come down even though we are seeing you the following weekend" if that's what they are going to do. They don't want to feel left out.

We never invite my parents (3 hour drive) to kid stuff because they never come. They made it to my older kid's 1-year birthday party but never to anything subsequent except major lifecycle events like a bris or bar mitzvah. They just aren't interested. They're much happier having us visit at some point and doing a cake then. My inlaws, on the other hand, are local-ish (2 hour drive) and want to come to everything including friend birthday parties. We stopped inviting them too when the kids got old enough that they didn't want their grandparents at their friend party, but we tell the inlaws that and arrange another time when they can come by for dinner and cake. Truthfully they'd rather come to the friend party but they understand that the kids want just their friends at this point.

It's all about communication, we work it out ahead of time and no one feels hurt. If they do, they have been mature enough not to say so.

Question: at what age did your kids decide they didn't "want" their grandparents at a birthday party? And how did you react to that? Did you turn it into a teaching moment? Or were you like, ok, we understand, screw your grandparents who love you obviously the world should revolve around your every wish?

I'm not being snarky, I'm being serious.

Our oldest granddaugher turns 14 this summer. She's about to start high school. And I kid you not: she would never in a million years not want us at any party that her parents throw for her. Never. I truly feel sorry for your family.

When they started having sleepover parties at age 10. Which seems eminently reasonable to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Since they’re 4 hours away do they expect to spend the night at your house?

+1 this is a very significant added burden on the birthday weekend. Especially if OP is seeing them the following weekend and they can celebrate then. 7 is not a milestone and I think what OP did was totally fine.

You think it's totally fine to rub a party in their face they weren't invited to? Where did you learn that?

[Anonymous]

It’s ridiculous to invite the out of town grandparents. The party is for and about the child, not the grands. They can make the trip another time and let the child have her party.

[Anonymous]

Just invite them and they can make the decision whether to come or not.