Out of town in laws attendance at birthdays

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don’t have to invite the out of town grandparents to everything! Especially, if inviting the out of town grandparents requires hosting and overnights etc.

#1 rule is that no one owns or gets dibs on your nuclear family. It is not a contest! You don’t owe one grandparent something just because the other grandparent was there!

#2 rule is that it is not your responsibility to make old people happy over the needs of yourself, spouse and kids. The out of town grandparents can pout, stamp their feet and whatever. Not your problem!

Ooh, karma is coming to get you. And you will deserve it!

Ha. My mother gave up big parts of herself for her in-laws. Became a part of the family (my dad’s family didn’t care to adjust for her). Her daughter-in-law barely has a relationship with her. It doesn’t matter what you do. You can’t control other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Weird to have old people at a kid's birthday party.

Have you been to a birthday party recently? It's not uncommon to see grandparents there. I was at one yesterday with grandparents, cousins, aunts, and school friends.

I kind of enjoy the Dave and Busters or Bowlerama b-day parties. When the kids hit a certain age, I can just go to the bar and grab a cocktail with a mom friend. House b-day parties are just lots of stupid work.

[Anonymous]

You already know they are unlikely to come! Why wouldn't you extend an invitation?? It's just nice.

Easy to do, nice, and doesn't change anything for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already know they are unlikely to come! Why wouldn't you extend an invitation?? It's just nice.

Easy to do, nice, and doesn't change anything for you.

This is always what self-centered people say.

[Anonymous]

^ odd comment. 23:25 poster, you make so sense

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I supposed to be inviting my out of state in laws to my kids birthday parties? I've never considered that. Why am I going to pay for 2 grandparents to come to SkyZoe from out of state. I wouldn't even have time to chat with them I'd be busy making polite small talk with the parents who didn't drop off, and arranging cake and pizza etc and making sure no one has a broken femur on the trampoline. I'm not interested in hosting a kids birthday party AND hosting my in laws at the same time.

We don’t focus on socializing with the in-laws during the actual party..that’s for the kids and chatting with other parents.

The in-laws stay with us for at least 3 days and we talk then. Plenty of time to catch up with them.

I guess I wonder why on earth theyd even want to come. They arent going to be spending time with my kids, unless they think theyre going to be able to drag them out of the trampoline and make them chat with them on the sidelines or something. Theyre not going to be chatting with me or DH. Theyre just going to be standing there and probably bored and over stimulated, for 2 hours. Again- never even crossed my mind. We usually invite them down the weekend before or the weekend after to say happy birthday and go out to dinner if they want.

So why do the local grandparents want to come?

NP. My local grandparents come to help. They're helping to set up, cook, run events. I don't have to host them overnight either.

Are the cousins going to help too? They got an invite while some other cousins didn't. These rules certainly are confusing.

One of my cousins who was my age frequently attended my birthday parties when I was a kid. I really don't think my cousins who were 5 years older or 5 years younger than me expected to be invited, not did I expect to attend theirs....

I think it's not always clear cut on whether to extend an invitation to out-of-town grandparents- where do you draw the line? If not 4 hrs, then what? My parents live 8 hrs away and they occasionally visit over my kids birthdays, and if their borthday party happens to be that weekend then they attend the party (and help, generally). But if I were to extend a formal invite to them for every party then I guess I'd need to extend it to my ILs too, who would have to fly in, and then I couldn't host everyone at my house. But thankfully my parents and ILs seem content to just spend time and celebrate with their grandkids outside of the kids party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.

Declining to invite family because you think they won't serve food at your party or do your dishes is rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.

Declining to invite family because you think they won't serve food at your party or do your dishes is rude and entitled.

No insisting on being hosted is rude and entitled. Insisting on a venue change is excessively rude and entitled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.

Declining to invite family because you think they won't serve food at your party or do your dishes is rude and entitled.

No insisting on being hosted is rude and entitled. Insisting on a venue change is excessively rude and entitled.

Who insisted on a venue change? What are you even talking about? Pointing out that house parties are lame is a fact, not a request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.

Declining to invite family because you think they won't serve food at your party or do your dishes is rude and entitled.

No insisting on being hosted is rude and entitled. Insisting on a venue change is excessively rude and entitled.

Who insisted on a venue change? What are you even talking about? Pointing out that house parties are lame is a fact, not a request.

If you find yourself grey-rocked in real life, it is because you are a judgmental and mean know-it-all.

If you want invites, try to understand and appreciate why people like what they like, even house parties. Over time, you may find yourself with invites. Over time maybe even too many.

Including from dysfunctionally judgmental people who can’t appreciate others but want to be appreciated. These people do everything from pick fights to make up rules about rudeness to guilt people in order to try to wrangle an invite.

You’ll find yourself understanding the dysfunction but also understanding why people grey-rock it. And you should grey-rock.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing the issue for the op isn’t the in-laws coming to party. Inviting them means they are spending the night or several nights and she probably doesn’t want to deal with that when she is already dealing with the birthday party.

Husband should invite his parents. His parents should understand everything shouldered by their daughter-in-law and understand their son is doing a bare minimum. They should also stay in a hotel. This is what good family dynamics look like.

So everyone else gets an official invite and his parents just get the after thought call? Come on. Way to make your guests feel like 2nd class citizens. Were you raised in a barn?

The guests are the kids friends. The grandparents, unless they are helping with fetching the cake, ordering and getting the pizza, either lighting the candles or videorecording for the parents, cleaning up, washing the plates, maintaining order, unless they are truly helping, they tag alongs and just another burden.

How out of control are your parties? Have it at a venue like normal a normal person. Home parties are the worst.

So now MIL wants you to change the venue so you can host her? It’s clear why everyone’s rushing to invite her.

We don’t even know where OPs party is but if you need slave labor at your party you throw shit parties. 7 yr olds don’t want to run around your house. The kids want you to change the venue to something fun.

No, I think the 7 year old and the mom are perfectly capable of deciding what they want and what’s worth it to them. You seem like an excessive know-it-all, a mean and judgmental one.

Declining to invite family because you think they won't serve food at your party or do your dishes is rude and entitled.

No insisting on being hosted is rude and entitled. Insisting on a venue change is excessively rude and entitled.

Who insisted on a venue change? What are you even talking about? Pointing out that house parties are lame is a fact, not a request.

If you find yourself grey-rocked in real life, it is because you are a judgmental and mean know-it-all.

If you want invites, try to understand and appreciate why people like what they like, even house parties. Over time, you may find yourself with invites. Over time maybe even too many.

Including from dysfunctionally judgmental people who can’t appreciate others but want to be appreciated. These people do everything from pick fights to make up rules about rudeness to guilt people in order to try to wrangle an invite.

You’ll find yourself understanding the dysfunction but also understanding why people grey-rock it. And you should grey-rock.

I don't care about your grey rock psycho babble. But I do have kids and have been to lots of parties. Your crap house party full of your family and relatives isn't what a bunch of 7 yr old kids want to do. Plan better parties that are for and about the birthday child and not your need for indentured servitude and house cleaning.