Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just dont care that much about work. I do a good job (and sometimes a great job) but I dont need validation from my employer or to feel happy/fulfilled by my job. IF I wanted a high-paying or intense career then I would have not married or had children. Its not about my husband or his career. I dont have the bandwidth to do both. I would be totally fine with working Trader Joe's stock or checkout line if it paid enough for the lifestyle we have.

I had a delay with finishing college and by my later mid-20s when I completed my undergrad it was try for the MD/PhD route or not. I knew if I started that path then there wouldnt be time/energy for anything else- mostly because of my own shortcomings in energy levels and sleep needs. I also didnt want to have kids and then outsource all of their childrearing and I dont have involved parents so it wasnt going to be family looking after them.

Regardless of my husband's career, if we divorced, I would have the same career. I might pick up another low-key job PT, but the rat race is not for me. Sometimes its just not that deep. I want to be a present parent and wife and a more intense career would make it very difficult (for me, personally) to manage since I have some hyperfocus issues. I would resent the constant feeling of never being able to mindfully be where I am.

Amazing how many women don't take financial responsibility for themselves and their children.

Im sorry- from my post, how did you sum that I dont take financial responsibility for myself and children? Please provide detailed explanation with figures. Oh wait, you cant because your knee jerk reaction is that because I dont care, I dont contribute financially... I do. 45% of the family income and I provide the health insurance (which is better than my husbands fed plan and cheaper). What I detailed was that my husband's career isnt first because I put it ahead of mine, my career is second to my family in priority. If I wanted a career to be first, I would not have had a family.

Yes, my “knee jerk” reaction is that because you don’t care about work and think it’s about validation, that you do not place enough priority on your financial responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just dont care that much about work. I do a good job (and sometimes a great job) but I dont need validation from my employer or to feel happy/fulfilled by my job. IF I wanted a high-paying or intense career then I would have not married or had children. Its not about my husband or his career. I dont have the bandwidth to do both. I would be totally fine with working Trader Joe's stock or checkout line if it paid enough for the lifestyle we have.

I had a delay with finishing college and by my later mid-20s when I completed my undergrad it was try for the MD/PhD route or not. I knew if I started that path then there wouldnt be time/energy for anything else- mostly because of my own shortcomings in energy levels and sleep needs. I also didnt want to have kids and then outsource all of their childrearing and I dont have involved parents so it wasnt going to be family looking after them.

Regardless of my husband's career, if we divorced, I would have the same career. I might pick up another low-key job PT, but the rat race is not for me. Sometimes its just not that deep. I want to be a present parent and wife and a more intense career would make it very difficult (for me, personally) to manage since I have some hyperfocus issues. I would resent the constant feeling of never being able to mindfully be where I am.

Amazing how many women don't take financial responsibility for themselves and their children.

Im sorry- from my post, how did you sum that I dont take financial responsibility for myself and children? Please provide detailed explanation with figures. Oh wait, you cant because your knee jerk reaction is that because I dont care, I dont contribute financially... I do. 45% of the family income and I provide the health insurance (which is better than my husbands fed plan and cheaper). What I detailed was that my husband's career isnt first because I put it ahead of mine, my career is second to my family in priority. If I wanted a career to be first, I would not have had a family.

Yes, my “knee jerk” reaction is that because you don’t care about work and think it’s about validation, that you do not place enough priority on your financial responsibility.

That is YOUR reaction. I read that PP simply prioritized what was more important to them and her kids are still safe financially. NOt everyone wants to make millions at the expense if their time with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

Strongly disagree. I am 48. I have been working “out of the home” since I was 16. Same as a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

You know

Women have a vagina. They know how to negotiate

Women learn to trade to get things they want

It becomes business as normal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women do periods, pregnancies, labor, breastfeeding, birth control, menopause. If they are also earning her money, least a man can do in addition to earning his money is to be an equal partner in parenting and household.

If he can't then he needs to increase his earning potential to provide hired help.

Not all women give birth.

Yes, but 90% of women do. We are not here to discuss outliers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

Strongly disagree. I am 48. I have been working “out of the home” since I was 16. Same as a man.

Why do women always cite themselves or individual cases when talking about averages?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women do periods, pregnancies, labor, breastfeeding, birth control, menopause. If they are also earning her money, least a man can do in addition to earning his money is to be an equal partner in parenting and household.

If he can't then he needs to increase his earning potential to provide hired help.

Not all women give birth.

Yes, but 90% of women do. We are not here to discuss outliers.

A) 10% isn’t an outlier
B) discussing how we treat moms who don’t give birth identically to moms who do give birth illustrate that the treatment isn’t actually about birth giving. It’s about attitudes towards motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.

Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.

Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.

If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.

You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.

But I’ll name a few more.

!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo

Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.

Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.

Lesbians are 1.4% of the population. Maybe we could visit the isle of Lesbos to see what a majority of women making the same choice as you looks like at scale! There are examples of societies where majority of women choose to be single mothers and let their men be shiftless at home to visit as well.

So just to be clear, you agree that it’s not a universal truth that all cultures involve women being primary caregivers and men primarily providing economically?

Yes, but I (a DP) conceded that from the beginning. Perhaps it is societal conditioning. But it is a societal conditioning that maps onto human nature successfully, which we all on this website live in and enjoy the fruits of while the poor women of Papua New Guinea toil in misery as the most r*ped women in the whole wide world.

Ridiculous logic. The question was whether there was ANY society in HUMAN HISTORY that has males providing primary parental care. The answer is yes, and I provided MANY examples throughout human history of such societies. You have cited no evidence that men prioritizing their career over childcare is “human nature,” and that is contrary to the fact that there are many cultures and subcultures where men are primary caregivers or men are ignored entirely. There is no trade off such that a woman who wants a man to provide childcare must accept the entire environment of Papúa New Guinea as a result. And you know that, you’re just being obtuse because you want to insist that the evidence support you despite having cited nothing but your personal authority on “human nature.”

NP here. I'm sorry but your examples of societies where males provide primary parental are laughable..
Your are naming tiny remote cultures than represent less than 1% of the world population. This is so insignificant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.

Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.

Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.

If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.

You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.

But I’ll name a few more.

!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo

Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.

Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.

Lesbians are 1.4% of the population. Maybe we could visit the isle of Lesbos to see what a majority of women making the same choice as you looks like at scale! There are examples of societies where majority of women choose to be single mothers and let their men be shiftless at home to visit as well.

So just to be clear, you agree that it’s not a universal truth that all cultures involve women being primary caregivers and men primarily providing economically?

Yes, but I (a DP) conceded that from the beginning. Perhaps it is societal conditioning. But it is a societal conditioning that maps onto human nature successfully, which we all on this website live in and enjoy the fruits of while the poor women of Papua New Guinea toil in misery as the most r*ped women in the whole wide world.

Ridiculous logic. The question was whether there was ANY society in HUMAN HISTORY that has males providing primary parental care. The answer is yes, and I provided MANY examples throughout human history of such societies. You have cited no evidence that men prioritizing their career over childcare is “human nature,” and that is contrary to the fact that there are many cultures and subcultures where men are primary caregivers or men are ignored entirely. There is no trade off such that a woman who wants a man to provide childcare must accept the entire environment of Papúa New Guinea as a result. And you know that, you’re just being obtuse because you want to insist that the evidence support you despite having cited nothing but your personal authority on “human nature.”

NP here. I'm sorry but your examples of societies where males provide primary parental are laughable..
Your are naming tiny remote cultures than represent less than 1% of the world population. This is so insignificant.

Yeah, Finland, Denmark, and Norway are so remote and insignificant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.

Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.

Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.

If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.

You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.

But I’ll name a few more.

!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo

Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.

Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.

Lesbians are 1.4% of the population. Maybe we could visit the isle of Lesbos to see what a majority of women making the same choice as you looks like at scale! There are examples of societies where majority of women choose to be single mothers and let their men be shiftless at home to visit as well.

So just to be clear, you agree that it’s not a universal truth that all cultures involve women being primary caregivers and men primarily providing economically?

Yes, but I (a DP) conceded that from the beginning. Perhaps it is societal conditioning. But it is a societal conditioning that maps onto human nature successfully, which we all on this website live in and enjoy the fruits of while the poor women of Papua New Guinea toil in misery as the most r*ped women in the whole wide world.

Ridiculous logic. The question was whether there was ANY society in HUMAN HISTORY that has males providing primary parental care. The answer is yes, and I provided MANY examples throughout human history of such societies. You have cited no evidence that men prioritizing their career over childcare is “human nature,” and that is contrary to the fact that there are many cultures and subcultures where men are primary caregivers or men are ignored entirely. There is no trade off such that a woman who wants a man to provide childcare must accept the entire environment of Papúa New Guinea as a result. And you know that, you’re just being obtuse because you want to insist that the evidence support you despite having cited nothing but your personal authority on “human nature.”

NP here. I'm sorry but your examples of societies where males provide primary parental are laughable..
Your are naming tiny remote cultures than represent less than 1% of the world population. This is so insignificant.

Yeah, Finland, Denmark, and Norway are so remote and insignificant.

Primary parental? Nope. Not sure what Scandinavian fantasy world you are living in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.

Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.

Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.

If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.

You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.

But I’ll name a few more.

!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo

Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.

Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.

Lesbians are 1.4% of the population. Maybe we could visit the isle of Lesbos to see what a majority of women making the same choice as you looks like at scale! There are examples of societies where majority of women choose to be single mothers and let their men be shiftless at home to visit as well.

So just to be clear, you agree that it’s not a universal truth that all cultures involve women being primary caregivers and men primarily providing economically?

Yes, but I (a DP) conceded that from the beginning. Perhaps it is societal conditioning. But it is a societal conditioning that maps onto human nature successfully, which we all on this website live in and enjoy the fruits of while the poor women of Papua New Guinea toil in misery as the most r*ped women in the whole wide world.

Ridiculous logic. The question was whether there was ANY society in HUMAN HISTORY that has males providing primary parental care. The answer is yes, and I provided MANY examples throughout human history of such societies. You have cited no evidence that men prioritizing their career over childcare is “human nature,” and that is contrary to the fact that there are many cultures and subcultures where men are primary caregivers or men are ignored entirely. There is no trade off such that a woman who wants a man to provide childcare must accept the entire environment of Papúa New Guinea as a result. And you know that, you’re just being obtuse because you want to insist that the evidence support you despite having cited nothing but your personal authority on “human nature.”

NP here. I'm sorry but your examples of societies where males provide primary parental are laughable..
Your are naming tiny remote cultures than represent less than 1% of the world population. This is so insignificant.

Yeah, Finland, Denmark, and Norway are so remote and insignificant.

Primary parental? Nope. Not sure what Scandinavian fantasy world you are living in.

Men in Finland spend more time parenting per day than women, as was previously discussed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

Strongly disagree. I am 48. I have been working “out of the home” since I was 16. Same as a man.

Why do women always cite themselves or individual cases when talking about averages?

American woman statistically contribute 45% of money towards joint budget. On average. Plus they also birth and raise children. If you are a woman yourself - shame on you shit talking about them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.

Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.

Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.

If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.

You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.

But I’ll name a few more.

!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo

Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.

Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.

Lesbians are 1.4% of the population. Maybe we could visit the isle of Lesbos to see what a majority of women making the same choice as you looks like at scale! There are examples of societies where majority of women choose to be single mothers and let their men be shiftless at home to visit as well.

So just to be clear, you agree that it’s not a universal truth that all cultures involve women being primary caregivers and men primarily providing economically?

Yes, but I (a DP) conceded that from the beginning. Perhaps it is societal conditioning. But it is a societal conditioning that maps onto human nature successfully, which we all on this website live in and enjoy the fruits of while the poor women of Papua New Guinea toil in misery as the most r*ped women in the whole wide world.

Ridiculous logic. The question was whether there was ANY society in HUMAN HISTORY that has males providing primary parental care. The answer is yes, and I provided MANY examples throughout human history of such societies. You have cited no evidence that men prioritizing their career over childcare is “human nature,” and that is contrary to the fact that there are many cultures and subcultures where men are primary caregivers or men are ignored entirely. There is no trade off such that a woman who wants a man to provide childcare must accept the entire environment of Papúa New Guinea as a result. And you know that, you’re just being obtuse because you want to insist that the evidence support you despite having cited nothing but your personal authority on “human nature.”

NP here. I'm sorry but your examples of societies where males provide primary parental are laughable..
Your are naming tiny remote cultures than represent less than 1% of the world population. This is so insignificant.

Yeah, Finland, Denmark, and Norway are so remote and insignificant.

Primary parental? Nope. Not sure what Scandinavian fantasy world you are living in.

Men in Finland spend more time parenting per day than women, as was previously discussed.

Just a tiny bit more largely irrelevant in magnitude of whole humanity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

whaaaaaaa? Voice from 1955.

Name a society in history where men cared for the home and children, and women went out and procured the food and resources.

Aka Pygmies are one example I can think of off the top of my head.

If that's the best you can do, I think you're coming up short.

You’re moving the goalposts. You said to name a single society in all of human history. Done.

But I’ll name a few more.

!Kung
Hadza
Trobriand Islanders
Khasi
Mosuo

Perhaps it is societal conditioning, but it’s societal conditioning that has successfully built on top of existing human nature. Do you want to live in the society the !Kung or Trobriand Islanders built? Feel free to pack your bags and move to Papua New Guinea and live your best life. Find a man to take care of your home and children there. Let us know how that goes.

Being a lesbian in the U.S. has worked fine for me. Oh, wait, are there western subcultures that aren’t interested in and don’t need male providers? Gasp.

Lesbians are 1.4% of the population. Maybe we could visit the isle of Lesbos to see what a majority of women making the same choice as you looks like at scale! There are examples of societies where majority of women choose to be single mothers and let their men be shiftless at home to visit as well.

So just to be clear, you agree that it’s not a universal truth that all cultures involve women being primary caregivers and men primarily providing economically?

Yes, but I (a DP) conceded that from the beginning. Perhaps it is societal conditioning. But it is a societal conditioning that maps onto human nature successfully, which we all on this website live in and enjoy the fruits of while the poor women of Papua New Guinea toil in misery as the most r*ped women in the whole wide world.

Ridiculous logic. The question was whether there was ANY society in HUMAN HISTORY that has males providing primary parental care. The answer is yes, and I provided MANY examples throughout human history of such societies. You have cited no evidence that men prioritizing their career over childcare is “human nature,” and that is contrary to the fact that there are many cultures and subcultures where men are primary caregivers or men are ignored entirely. There is no trade off such that a woman who wants a man to provide childcare must accept the entire environment of Papúa New Guinea as a result. And you know that, you’re just being obtuse because you want to insist that the evidence support you despite having cited nothing but your personal authority on “human nature.”

NP here. I'm sorry but your examples of societies where males provide primary parental are laughable..
Your are naming tiny remote cultures than represent less than 1% of the world population. This is so insignificant.

Yeah, Finland, Denmark, and Norway are so remote and insignificant.

Primary parental? Nope. Not sure what Scandinavian fantasy world you are living in.

Men in Finland spend more time parenting per day than women, as was previously discussed.

Just a tiny bit more largely irrelevant in magnitude of whole humanity

You would agree that Scandinavia is not a "tiny, remote culture," correct?

You also might want to learn basic grammar.

[Anonymous]

Because men still earn more than women for the same job.