Why its almost always women putting partner's career ahead of their own

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

What kind of nonsense is this? Your kids didn't sleep through the night FOR TWO YEARS? FFS. This is the kind of ridiculous rational that make work people come up with. Oh I couldn't possibly have a job because I have to hand make our soaps and that just takes so much time! Please.

Why are you denying the simple practical reality of child birth and early years ? My son didn’t start sleeping through the night until age 2. The PP with 3 kids is describing the real dynamic of early childhood. Add one neurodivergent child to your family - all career aspirations will change unless you institutionalize that child.

Also you didn’t respond to my stats that in fact American women do want to work, they do work and bring 45% of joint income WHILE also being primary parents to their kids. You keep insisting that women don’t take enough responsibility. You are spitting hateful BS not supported by mega data besides Finland (which is a result of a very long term crafted government policy).

I can’t understand your thought process and I’ve never said anything about Finland?

Anyway, not having a child sleep through the night until they’re two isn’t normal. And if that was your experience why would you go on to have two more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

What kind of nonsense is this? Your kids didn't sleep through the night FOR TWO YEARS? FFS. This is the kind of ridiculous rational that make work people come up with. Oh I couldn't possibly have a job because I have to hand make our soaps and that just takes so much time! Please.

Why are you denying the simple practical reality of child birth and early years ? My son didn’t start sleeping through the night until age 2. The PP with 3 kids is describing the real dynamic of early childhood. Add one neurodivergent child to your family - all career aspirations will change unless you institutionalize that child.

Also you didn’t respond to my stats that in fact American women do want to work, they do work and bring 45% of joint income WHILE also being primary parents to their kids. You keep insisting that women don’t take enough responsibility. You are spitting hateful BS not supported by mega data besides Finland (which is a result of a very long term crafted government policy).

Last time I checked, men can parent neurodivergent children and stay up with two year olds.

[Anonymous]

Undermining biology is a lost cause and not beneficial for either gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

So a "real man" and a "real woman" do the exact same things? Interesting...

Yes, when they have kids they should. Sorry that’s such a hard concept for you to grasp.

This is silly internet talk that even you do not believe. Men and women are not the same, not matter how much people like you try to fight it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

What kind of nonsense is this? Your kids didn't sleep through the night FOR TWO YEARS? FFS. This is the kind of ridiculous rational that make work people come up with. Oh I couldn't possibly have a job because I have to hand make our soaps and that just takes so much time! Please.

Why are you denying the simple practical reality of child birth and early years ? My son didn’t start sleeping through the night until age 2. The PP with 3 kids is describing the real dynamic of early childhood. Add one neurodivergent child to your family - all career aspirations will change unless you institutionalize that child.

Also you didn’t respond to my stats that in fact American women do want to work, they do work and bring 45% of joint income WHILE also being primary parents to their kids. You keep insisting that women don’t take enough responsibility. You are spitting hateful BS not supported by mega data besides Finland (which is a result of a very long term crafted government policy).

Last time I checked, men can parent neurodivergent children and stay up with two year olds.

But then PP would have to work so those facts aren’t convenient for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

So a "real man" and a "real woman" do the exact same things? Interesting...

Yes, when they have kids they should. Sorry that’s such a hard concept for you to grasp.

This is silly internet talk that even you do not believe. Men and women are not the same, not matter how much people like you try to fight it.

I’m silly because I expect both a mother and a father to actually PARENT? Look, I’m sorry your husband sucks, but not all of us need to make ridiculous arguments about how men aren’t biologically conditioned to raise children in order to justify our lives.

[Anonymous]

Not read a word. Because women settle. Don’t.

Yes, it matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

So a "real man" and a "real woman" do the exact same things? Interesting...

Yes, when they have kids they should. Sorry that’s such a hard concept for you to grasp.

This is silly internet talk that even you do not believe. Men and women are not the same, not matter how much people like you try to fight it.

I’m silly because I expect both a mother and a father to actually PARENT? Look, I’m sorry your husband sucks, but not all of us need to make ridiculous arguments about how men aren’t biologically conditioned to raise children in order to justify our lives.

You are silly because you expect them to embrace the same parenting tasks. Nature and evolution spent millennia making men and women different, and you'd ignore that for your politics. Young babies need mothers far more than fathers. I don't know why so many women refuse to embrace their feminine natures, but it's not helping anyone--the women themselves nor, more importantly, their children.

[Anonymous]

We know the answer. Power. Men have it. Women do not.

You fight uphill or you submit to the limits and box you’re given. It’s a choice. Not an easy choice. Both are difficult pills to swallow for decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

So a "real man" and a "real woman" do the exact same things? Interesting...

Yes, when they have kids they should. Sorry that’s such a hard concept for you to grasp.

This is silly internet talk that even you do not believe. Men and women are not the same, not matter how much people like you try to fight it.

I’m silly because I expect both a mother and a father to actually PARENT? Look, I’m sorry your husband sucks, but not all of us need to make ridiculous arguments about how men aren’t biologically conditioned to raise children in order to justify our lives.

You are silly because you expect them to embrace the same parenting tasks. Nature and evolution spent millennia making men and women different, and you'd ignore that for your politics. Young babies need mothers far more than fathers. I don't know why so many women refuse to embrace their feminine natures, but it's not helping anyone--the women themselves nor, more importantly, their children.

Good lord. This tired trop.

Women aren’t “refusing to embrace their feminine natures”. They still breastfeed and care for their children. Their feminine natures are nation-building, hunting, threa+ assessment, building, etc. What men do is refuse their humanity. Did you know that men’s biology changes in the wake of having children? Their hormones literally change too. So why do they opt out of caring for children? Men demonstrate what they think is masculinity by working out of the home and being a one-dimensional being. What’s actually masculine is engagement with your family, true protection, true vulnerability that allows you to gain strength from your partner and community, and serving the women in your life. Men are so lost and women are so tired of doing all the work. They don’t even know how to be a person.
(Sorry for the weird characters, dcum is censoring something)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

What kind of nonsense is this? Your kids didn't sleep through the night FOR TWO YEARS? FFS. This is the kind of ridiculous rational that make work people come up with. Oh I couldn't possibly have a job because I have to hand make our soaps and that just takes so much time! Please.

Why are you denying the simple practical reality of child birth and early years ? My son didn’t start sleeping through the night until age 2. The PP with 3 kids is describing the real dynamic of early childhood. Add one neurodivergent child to your family - all career aspirations will change unless you institutionalize that child.

Also you didn’t respond to my stats that in fact American women do want to work, they do work and bring 45% of joint income WHILE also being primary parents to their kids. You keep insisting that women don’t take enough responsibility. You are spitting hateful BS not supported by mega data besides Finland (which is a result of a very long term crafted government policy).

Last time I checked, men can parent neurodivergent children and stay up with two year olds.

All of this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me so thankful I’m a lesbian married to a woman.

This thread makes me so thankful I'm a woman married to a real man, you know, one who actually cares for his children and doesn't treat his wife as an employee.

Now tell me about what a "real woman" does. Or better yet, let your husband tell me.

Sure, if you are still able to read after rolling your eyes so hard. A real woman does what a real man does, you know, actually care for their children and not treat their husband like an ATM. It's not difficult.

So a "real man" and a "real woman" do the exact same things? Interesting...

Yes, when they have kids they should. Sorry that’s such a hard concept for you to grasp.

This is silly internet talk that even you do not believe. Men and women are not the same, not matter how much people like you try to fight it.

I’m silly because I expect both a mother and a father to actually PARENT? Look, I’m sorry your husband sucks, but not all of us need to make ridiculous arguments about how men aren’t biologically conditioned to raise children in order to justify our lives.

You are silly because you expect them to embrace the same parenting tasks. Nature and evolution spent millennia making men and women different, and you'd ignore that for your politics. Young babies need mothers far more than fathers. I don't know why so many women refuse to embrace their feminine natures, but it's not helping anyone--the women themselves nor, more importantly, their children.

Watching my husband fall in love with his children was incredibly awe-inspiring. He rearranged his life to be available to these two small people and they are still front and center in his thoughts and plans 2 decades later. And the thing about it is that he really isn’t out of the norm. Many men will nurture and care for their children much as many women will do so. Blocking the opportunity of fathers to bond with their children is cruel (and men that allow themselves to be cut out by their wives because “biology” need to do better). You need to retire your tired tropes - they don’t do anyone (mothers, fathers, children) any good.

[Anonymous]

I think the ultimate question is why women change 6336637373 diapers and when a man changes 1 he’s a hero.

My husband also loves our kids as much as I do but was it equal labor - no.

We do it because it’s decided for us. Our labor is assumed.

[Anonymous]

I knew I wanted the option to SAH after kids so I sought out a partner who was willing & able to provide that setup. DH works reasonable hours and is involved in family life; we're middle class and that suits us just fine. I would not have married a man who expected us both to work so we could have more money and more stuff, nor would I have married a man who wanted me to be the provider while he SAH.

Absolutely nothing is wrong with any of these setups; you just have to find a partner with compatible values whose vision for family life aligns with yours.

This forum is overrepresented by highly educated and highly ambitious women, but overall, I think most women are like me, deprioritizing our own careers after kids because we want to be their primary caretakers.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely women who put their careers first. We know some.

I find these marriages often don’t last as the women feel dissatisfied with the husband. Even if the husband is the default parent, the wife often still handles the mental load of the kids and becomes controlling and bossy. Man is emasculated. Sometimes there is cheating.

I’m a SAHM and while it is acceptable for a woman to stay home with their kids, the man may be seen as lazy. We know one dad who has kids who no longer need him home and he just looks lazy at this point living off his wife. He works out and cooks. Ok for a woman. Not ok for a man.