Ex Can’t Do School Logistics Anymore — Advice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

Oh FFS! He set himself up to fail by having another child when he clearly cannot handle being father of 3. She does not owe it to him to compensate for his poor judgement. At all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

How is that good? She gets the easy part where she doesn’t have to deal with school or activities. He should take weekdays and she take weekends as she doesn’t want to do school, and have the kids go to school near him. They are younger so changing schools at least for next year is fine.

Changing school for kids is tough. Why would you send them off to live near a flaky dad who impregnated his affair partner who is going to have a newborn to take care of soon? Those kids are going to get neglected.

And weekdays are much easier for any parent because they’re in school for most of their waking hours. Weekends you actually spend time with your kids.

You need to stop making up stuff. He isn't flaky. He is working to pay child support, a house for himself and the kids and the kids needs in his home. If he takes a job for 5-6 hours a day to do the commute, is OP ok with less money? He is doing the bulk of the work driving them back and forth and having them 3 school days a week and some weekends. OP is lazy. Kids change schools all the time. If they are with him three school days a week it makes sense when they aren't allowed to be at mom's those three days and as teens they may need more flexiblity and have to go back and forth to school twice for activities/sports and need a landing zone between those times. She is the lazy one not wiling to care for her kids before and after school so he can work. Its not like he's out partying.

Moving a half hour away and switching your work schedule and having a newborn on the way when you know you are responsible for getting small children to a school 3x/week and you don’t have a plan is the definition of flaky (and it’s also short-sighted and acting not in the best interests of the children and showing poor executive functioning and planning skills).

People move. And, he may not have been able to afford a house in the area, given she got the house, child support and who knows what else. He is caring for his kids. As co-parents, you work together for the kids' sake. If he has them three days a week, and she two, kids should go to school at his house. They can adjust the child support to reflect the new child care needs.

Absolutely not, because he has a track record of putting himself over the kids’ needs. If they changed schools to be closer to him, the next thing you know, he will want to move someplace else because the AP insists on a bigger house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

Oh FFS! He set himself up to fail by having another child when he clearly cannot handle being father of 3. She does not owe it to him to compensate for his poor judgement. At all.

The issue isn't the baby, you are just upset he remarried and had another child. The issue is his work schedule. And, in some states, he can get the child support reduced for having more kids. If she will not help, it speaks to her parenting. What kind of mother would turn down an extra two hours with her kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

How is that good? She gets the easy part where she doesn’t have to deal with school or activities. He should take weekdays and she take weekends as she doesn’t want to do school, and have the kids go to school near him. They are younger so changing schools at least for next year is fine.

Changing school for kids is tough. Why would you send them off to live near a flaky dad who impregnated his affair partner who is going to have a newborn to take care of soon? Those kids are going to get neglected.

And weekdays are much easier for any parent because they’re in school for most of their waking hours. Weekends you actually spend time with your kids.

You need to stop making up stuff. He isn't flaky. He is working to pay child support, a house for himself and the kids and the kids needs in his home. If he takes a job for 5-6 hours a day to do the commute, is OP ok with less money? He is doing the bulk of the work driving them back and forth and having them 3 school days a week and some weekends. OP is lazy. Kids change schools all the time. If they are with him three school days a week it makes sense when they aren't allowed to be at mom's those three days and as teens they may need more flexiblity and have to go back and forth to school twice for activities/sports and need a landing zone between those times. She is the lazy one not wiling to care for her kids before and after school so he can work. Its not like he's out partying.

Moving a half hour away and switching your work schedule and having a newborn on the way when you know you are responsible for getting small children to a school 3x/week and you don’t have a plan is the definition of flaky (and it’s also short-sighted and acting not in the best interests of the children and showing poor executive functioning and planning skills).

People move. And, he may not have been able to afford a house in the area, given she got the house, child support and who knows what else. He is caring for his kids. As co-parents, you work together for the kids' sake. If he has them three days a week, and she two, kids should go to school at his house. They can adjust the child support to reflect the new child care needs.

Absolutely not, because he has a track record of putting himself over the kids’ needs. If they changed schools to be closer to him, the next thing you know, he will want to move someplace else because the AP insists on a bigger house.

He is working. He also needs bedrooms for the kids. We don't know the full story and you are making one up. Either way, if its during work hours, its an issue. The best solution is for OP to help him the rest of the school year and move the kids to his local school where he can get child care more easily. He has them more during the week. He is taking care of his kids. She is refusing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

Oh FFS! He set himself up to fail by having another child when he clearly cannot handle being father of 3. She does not owe it to him to compensate for his poor judgement. At all.

The issue isn't the baby, you are just upset he remarried and had another child. The issue is his work schedule. And, in some states, he can get the child support reduced for having more kids. If she will not help, it speaks to her parenting. What kind of mother would turn down an extra two hours with her kids?

What kind of a father would fail to figure out how to provide childcare for his kids on his custody days?? Or move far away from their school after breaking up their family with an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

How is that good? She gets the easy part where she doesn’t have to deal with school or activities. He should take weekdays and she take weekends as she doesn’t want to do school, and have the kids go to school near him. They are younger so changing schools at least for next year is fine.

Changing school for kids is tough. Why would you send them off to live near a flaky dad who impregnated his affair partner who is going to have a newborn to take care of soon? Those kids are going to get neglected.

And weekdays are much easier for any parent because they’re in school for most of their waking hours. Weekends you actually spend time with your kids.

You need to stop making up stuff. He isn't flaky. He is working to pay child support, a house for himself and the kids and the kids needs in his home. If he takes a job for 5-6 hours a day to do the commute, is OP ok with less money? He is doing the bulk of the work driving them back and forth and having them 3 school days a week and some weekends. OP is lazy. Kids change schools all the time. If they are with him three school days a week it makes sense when they aren't allowed to be at mom's those three days and as teens they may need more flexiblity and have to go back and forth to school twice for activities/sports and need a landing zone between those times. She is the lazy one not wiling to care for her kids before and after school so he can work. Its not like he's out partying.

Moving a half hour away and switching your work schedule and having a newborn on the way when you know you are responsible for getting small children to a school 3x/week and you don’t have a plan is the definition of flaky (and it’s also short-sighted and acting not in the best interests of the children and showing poor executive functioning and planning skills).

People move. And, he may not have been able to afford a house in the area, given she got the house, child support and who knows what else. He is caring for his kids. As co-parents, you work together for the kids' sake. If he has them three days a week, and she two, kids should go to school at his house. They can adjust the child support to reflect the new child care needs.

Absolutely not, because he has a track record of putting himself over the kids’ needs. If they changed schools to be closer to him, the next thing you know, he will want to move someplace else because the AP insists on a bigger house.

He is working. He also needs bedrooms for the kids. We don't know the full story and you are making one up. Either way, if its during work hours, its an issue. The best solution is for OP to help him the rest of the school year and move the kids to his local school where he can get child care more easily. He has them more during the week. He is taking care of his kids. She is refusing.

WTF why do you think OP’s job is to “help” this man who was perfectly able to help himself to an entirely new family …

Granted we don’t know the exact neighborhoods, but there are almost always more affordable rental options. Two kids in a bedroom and the baby in the parents room.

This is the dad’s responsibility not the mom’s. He can readjust his work schedule, get his new wife to help, or pay for before/aftercare. Or he can formally acknowledge the increased custody time to OP and pay more child support.

The day he decided to walk out on OP and their kids is the day he completely lost the entitlement to OP’s “help” beyond that which is strictly necessary. This isn’t an emergency where the kids need OP to step in. It is their dad’s decision to prioritize himself and not his kids. OP owes him zero in this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

How is that good? She gets the easy part where she doesn’t have to deal with school or activities. He should take weekdays and she take weekends as she doesn’t want to do school, and have the kids go to school near him. They are younger so changing schools at least for next year is fine.

Changing school for kids is tough. Why would you send them off to live near a flaky dad who impregnated his affair partner who is going to have a newborn to take care of soon? Those kids are going to get neglected.

And weekdays are much easier for any parent because they’re in school for most of their waking hours. Weekends you actually spend time with your kids.

You need to stop making up stuff. He isn't flaky. He is working to pay child support, a house for himself and the kids and the kids needs in his home. If he takes a job for 5-6 hours a day to do the commute, is OP ok with less money? He is doing the bulk of the work driving them back and forth and having them 3 school days a week and some weekends. OP is lazy. Kids change schools all the time. If they are with him three school days a week it makes sense when they aren't allowed to be at mom's those three days and as teens they may need more flexiblity and have to go back and forth to school twice for activities/sports and need a landing zone between those times. She is the lazy one not wiling to care for her kids before and after school so he can work. Its not like he's out partying.

Moving a half hour away and switching your work schedule and having a newborn on the way when you know you are responsible for getting small children to a school 3x/week and you don’t have a plan is the definition of flaky (and it’s also short-sighted and acting not in the best interests of the children and showing poor executive functioning and planning skills).

People move. And, he may not have been able to afford a house in the area, given she got the house, child support and who knows what else. He is caring for his kids. As co-parents, you work together for the kids' sake. If he has them three days a week, and she two, kids should go to school at his house. They can adjust the child support to reflect the new child care needs.

Absolutely not, because he has a track record of putting himself over the kids’ needs. If they changed schools to be closer to him, the next thing you know, he will want to move someplace else because the AP insists on a bigger house.

He is working. He also needs bedrooms for the kids. We don't know the full story and you are making one up. Either way, if its during work hours, its an issue. The best solution is for OP to help him the rest of the school year and move the kids to his local school where he can get child care more easily. He has them more during the week. He is taking care of his kids. She is refusing.

WTF why do you think OP’s job is to “help” this man who was perfectly able to help himself to an entirely new family …

Granted we don’t know the exact neighborhoods, but there are almost always more affordable rental options. Two kids in a bedroom and the baby in the parents room.

This is the dad’s responsibility not the mom’s. He can readjust his work schedule, get his new wife to help, or pay for before/aftercare. Or he can formally acknowledge the increased custody time to OP and pay more child support.

The day he decided to walk out on OP and their kids is the day he completely lost the entitlement to OP’s “help” beyond that which is strictly necessary. This isn’t an emergency where the kids need OP to step in. It is their dad’s decision to prioritize himself and not his kids. OP owes him zero in this scenario.

This. And he has his new woman to cater to him and cover for his shortcomings. Let her suffer.

[Anonymous]

When the kids are with OP on the weekend, does the dad have them Monday afternoon through Wednesday morning?

She the kids are with the dad on the weekend, he has them Monday morning through Wed morning? On those weekends maybe the dad can drop the kids off at OP’s house on Sunday after dinner. That’s one school morning figured out.

For the rest, OP, how old are your kids? Can they walk to school? In your shoes, until the kids can get into before- and after-care, if their dad asks you to take them those mornings and afternoons, I’d do it for the rest of this year and the ask him what the plan is for next year. What will he do otherwise? Do you want the kids to see their dad? I absolutely realize this is not your problem to solve, but these are your kids. What’s in their best interest?

What happens during the summer? What’s the custody schedule, where do the kids spend their time?

When is the new baby’s coming? That’s going to upend things as well. Has he talked to you about the due date and you taking/keeping the kids while that whole childbirth thing goes down? What about after the birth? Is he going to take the kids right away? He needs to talk this through with you and make sure he has a plan if you can’t be or aren’t willing to be on standby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the kids are with OP on the weekend, does the dad have them Monday afternoon through Wednesday morning?

She the kids are with the dad on the weekend, he has them Monday morning through Wed morning? On those weekends maybe the dad can drop the kids off at OP’s house on Sunday after dinner. That’s one school morning figured out.

For the rest, OP, how old are your kids? Can they walk to school? In your shoes, until the kids can get into before- and after-care, if their dad asks you to take them those mornings and afternoons, I’d do it for the rest of this year and the ask him what the plan is for next year. What will he do otherwise? Do you want the kids to see their dad? I absolutely realize this is not your problem to solve, but these are your kids. What’s in their best interest?

What happens during the summer? What’s the custody schedule, where do the kids spend their time?

When is the new baby’s coming? That’s going to upend things as well. Has he talked to you about the due date and you taking/keeping the kids while that whole childbirth thing goes down? What about after the birth? Is he going to take the kids right away? He needs to talk this through with you and make sure he has a plan if you can’t be or aren’t willing to be on standby.

OP taking the kids for an extra night or two when the the baby is arriving is reasonable. Assuming she will do all school pickup and drop off for the REST OF THE YEAR (almost 4 months) os not reasonable, at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

Oh FFS! He set himself up to fail by having another child when he clearly cannot handle being father of 3. She does not owe it to him to compensate for his poor judgement. At all.

The issue isn't the baby, you are just upset he remarried and had another child. The issue is his work schedule. And, in some states, he can get the child support reduced for having more kids. If she will not help, it speaks to her parenting. What kind of mother would turn down an extra two hours with her kids?

What kind of a father would fail to figure out how to provide childcare for his kids on his custody days?? Or move far away from their school after breaking up their family with an affair.

Fathers with custody don't have to drive that distance back and forth and they'd have the kids at a closer school. He has to work. So, it makes sense for the kids to go to school near him. She's refusing to work with him at all and that hurts the kids. Most people cannot just work 4-5 hours day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the kids are with OP on the weekend, does the dad have them Monday afternoon through Wednesday morning?

She the kids are with the dad on the weekend, he has them Monday morning through Wed morning? On those weekends maybe the dad can drop the kids off at OP’s house on Sunday after dinner. That’s one school morning figured out.

For the rest, OP, how old are your kids? Can they walk to school? In your shoes, until the kids can get into before- and after-care, if their dad asks you to take them those mornings and afternoons, I’d do it for the rest of this year and the ask him what the plan is for next year. What will he do otherwise? Do you want the kids to see their dad? I absolutely realize this is not your problem to solve, but these are your kids. What’s in their best interest?

What happens during the summer? What’s the custody schedule, where do the kids spend their time?

When is the new baby’s coming? That’s going to upend things as well. Has he talked to you about the due date and you taking/keeping the kids while that whole childbirth thing goes down? What about after the birth? Is he going to take the kids right away? He needs to talk this through with you and make sure he has a plan if you can’t be or aren’t willing to be on standby.

OP doesn't want her kids except the scheduled time. OP hasn't come back. He has them the bulk of the weekdays which is a strange set up.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

Oh FFS! He set himself up to fail by having another child when he clearly cannot handle being father of 3. She does not owe it to him to compensate for his poor judgement. At all.

The issue isn't the baby, you are just upset he remarried and had another child. The issue is his work schedule. And, in some states, he can get the child support reduced for having more kids. If she will not help, it speaks to her parenting. What kind of mother would turn down an extra two hours with her kids?

What kind of a father would fail to figure out how to provide childcare for his kids on his custody days?? Or move far away from their school after breaking up their family with an affair.

Fathers with custody don't have to drive that distance back and forth and they'd have the kids at a closer school. He has to work. So, it makes sense for the kids to go to school near him. She's refusing to work with him at all and that hurts the kids. Most people cannot just work 4-5 hours day.

She has to work too … and I’m sorry you cannot wrap your head around this but it is the responsibility of the custodial parent to figure out how to get the kids to school on their days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: So, it seems like right now he has them M T W and one weekend a month. Honestly OP, I think that is good for you-you're getting most of the weekends.
I wouldn't want to change that, and I'd probably just have him drop the kids off at your house on your days and you take them to school like you do on your days. Is that making it easier for him? Yes. Is it keeping things consistent for the kids and giving you more time with them? Also Yes.

OP should only do this if it won’t compromise her job. Why should she have to bear the entire burden of school pickup and drop offs? If she agrees to this she should be compensated for it in increase child support or through her xDH paying for an after school sitter. At the end of the day it is the xDH’s responsibility to coordinate *and pay for* any necessary childcare on his custody days rather than foisting it on OP. And of course this is not necessarily better for small kids as it means the kids will transition between parents and houses every day.

Because she's insisting the kids go to school at her house and he has them three days a week and she has them two days a week. What does she do on her days? She should share the child care costs if he has to pay someone especially when he's paying child support. Child care expenses are caculated with child support so if his expenses increase, she could be responsible for some of that increase.

The better solution is for the kids to go to school near his house, as they are there more during the week. Adding another day care provider or nanny is another transition for the kisd so your comments make no sense.

If she doesn't want the kids during the week, he can keep them m-f and she can have them s-s.

She is “insisting” the kids go to school they have gone to historically which would remain fine had their father not voluntarily (not for a job) chosen to move further from his kids.

In general, courts —and most adults — prioritize stability for kids and the status quo, and take a dim view of parents voluntarily moving further from their children.

These are young kids. They will be fine changing schools. Mom can step up and help at least till the end of the school year, then hopefully he can get child care or they can come to another arrangement, like kids go to school near him.

Mom refuses to be in any way flexible and sets him up to fail. If he takes a job with reduced pay, will she be ok with reduced child support? Of course not. He also has equal kid expenses in his home on top of that child support. He's doing his share. She can step up a little. She has weekends, so she has the easy fun time.

Or… he could just get childcare now. Yes, it will probably be more expensive, he may be looking at a nanny, but that is, of course what happens when you choose to move away from your children.

[Anonymous]

There is some woman hating troll on this thread. OP appears to be a working mom that has adjusted her schedule so that she can care for her kids and work. He moved away, he is not doing most of the work, he has started a new family. It is not reasonable to uproot the kids to make his life easier.

OP has been nothing but reasonable. She started this thread because she is trying to put her children first and she is worried that flaky, yes flaky, affair having, new partner, new baby, dad will not figure it out.

Many supportive posters are reminding OP that her ex is an adult that is responsible for his children and, as a minimum, he needs to actually ask for help if he needs it.

OP - it is hard balancing protecting your kids and holding boundaries with an ex. Kudos to you.