Ex Can’t Do School Logistics Anymore — Advice?

[Anonymous]

Looking for advice on a custody logistics issue that’s changing quickly.
Right now we share custody, and my ex has the kids three days a week (M, T, W) because that worked with his work schedule. He also has them one weekend a month. The kids go to school in my city. He lives about 30 minutes away, he used to live closer, but he bought a house farther out and that’s where things stand.

His work schedule is about to change and he won’t be able to make our current arrangement work. Specifically, he won’t be able to do school drop-offs or pickups on his weekdays anymore. I genuinely don’t see how he can have custody on those days if he can’t get them to and from school.

Before and aftercare at their school are not options, they’re full. He also does not want to pay for any other childcare center options. He keeps saying he’ll “figure it out,” but there’s no actual plan in place, and school logistics are obviously non-negotiable.

I also don’t want to give up every weekend to accommodate his new schedule. He doesn’t want to give up weekdays because that would likely mean paying more in child support. I honestly don’t know what his plan is, but our kids have to get to school consistently and on time.

This is all happening faster than we could realistically get in front of a judge, and I’d really prefer to find a workable solution outside of court, or at least something temporary until we can get a hearing.

Has anyone dealt with a schedule change like this? How did you handle it? Is there a creative solution I’m not seeing? Right now he’s not open to every other weekend because of the perceived financial implications, and I feel like the focus should be on what works best for the kids and their school routine.

Would really appreciate practical advice.

[Anonymous]

Can you get on the waitlist for beforecare/aftercare? Is it likely you'd be able to do it next school year (ie, you only have to find a fix for the next 4 months?)

How critical is the child support for you? If you know this is just a fix until June, can you just say you guys don't need to renegotiate child support if his number of days is lower for the time being? Then give him more weekend days and any holidays, etc to help make up for it and maybe he takes some extra time this summer to offset less time now. For example, can the kids do a camp near his house for a few weeks this summer so things are easier to juggle with his work schedule.

[Anonymous]

This is a him problem and you are not required to help him solve it.

Document when your kids are dropped off late and marked tardy and when he asks you to do pickup make it clear you don’t plan to trade nights— you do pickup, he’s not doing 50%, CS will have to be adjusted. If you solve this for him it will be at your expense.

[Anonymous]

Can you file for modification, pay for childcare out of your pocket and take custody for those MTWs now, and as part of the modification when the hearing does happen seek reimbursement for the previous childcare and increase support from ex?

I would not offer a swap, particularly of “fun” days, unless you genuinely want to be child free those days. You shouldn’t have to sacrifice “good” days because they are bailing out.

If they are that adamant about not doing every other weekend because of finances, I would just stop seeking any kind of additional reimbursement or support and take this as your opportunity to increase custody time. Do whatever you can right now to agree to take the kids for MTW and set a precedent before whenever the hearing happens.

[Anonymous]

Well he has to pay for child care one way or another. Or modify custody and give you more child support.

[Anonymous]

Can he not hire someone to pick them up and drive them to his place? Maybe that's what he'll end up with.

Definitely don't bail him out. Let him feel the stress. It's the only way they learn.

[Anonymous]

He needs to hire someone to do drop-off and pick ups. Let him figure it out.

[Anonymous]

OP. Stop being a wife. You are no longer his wife. This is his problem to figure out. He needs to figure out how to get the kids to school on his days. If he cannot fully care for the kids on his days, then YOU have the upper hand in re-negotiating the custody schedule.

it was stupid of him to move 30 min away. that's on him. and it's on him to figure out who is going to get the kids to school and back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He needs to hire someone to do drop-off and pick ups. Let him figure it out.

this

dont you dare be the person who does pick up and drop offs for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you get on the waitlist for beforecare/aftercare? Is it likely you'd be able to do it next school year (ie, you only have to find a fix for the next 4 months?)

How critical is the child support for you? If you know this is just a fix until June, can you just say you guys don't need to renegotiate child support if his number of days is lower for the time being? Then give him more weekend days and any holidays, etc to help make up for it and maybe he takes some extra time this summer to offset less time now. For example, can the kids do a camp near his house for a few weeks this summer so things are easier to juggle with his work schedule.

No. Screw this. He needs to figure this out, not have OP solve it for him with no increased child support! WTF did he move 30 minutes away??? That is STUPID.

[Anonymous]

So he agreed to change his work schedule probably on the assumption that you would pick up the slack. Don't! If he doesn't want to pay increased child support, then he will just have to pay for a babysitter to drive them.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it’s not about child support but being with his kids if he only gets one weekend a month. He can drop them off an hour house and pick them up.

[Anonymous]

Poor guy sounds financially strapped.

[Anonymous]

If the kids are there m,t,w, they should be at school near him as he has them more during the week. Or, be flexible and work with him. Or, do you want more child support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get on the waitlist for beforecare/aftercare? Is it likely you'd be able to do it next school year (ie, you only have to find a fix for the next 4 months?)

How critical is the child support for you? If you know this is just a fix until June, can you just say you guys don't need to renegotiate child support if his number of days is lower for the time being? Then give him more weekend days and any holidays, etc to help make up for it and maybe he takes some extra time this summer to offset less time now. For example, can the kids do a camp near his house for a few weeks this summer so things are easier to juggle with his work schedule.

No. Screw this. He needs to figure this out, not have OP solve it for him with no increased child support! WTF did he move 30 minutes away??? That is STUPID.

It may have been all he could afford if she got the house and child support and he still has them half the time. He has all the same expenses when the kids are with him and is still paying child support.