Ex Can’t Do School Logistics Anymore — Advice?

[Anonymous]

Tell him you won’t ask for more child support. Let him have every other weekend and be flexible on if he can have dinners one or two night a week as well. Don’t he petty or awkward. This is about the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a him problem and you are not required to help him solve it.

Document when your kids are dropped off late and marked tardy and when he asks you to do pickup make it clear you don’t plan to trade nights— you do pickup, he’s not doing 50%, CS will have to be adjusted. If you solve this for him it will be at your expense.

This. You’re not his wife anymore. He says he will “figure it out”, so let him do that. If he does not and you end up with the kids for more than your 50 percent, document that and you will have to get the custody agreement and child support modification done in court.

And yes document everything.

[Anonymous]

Your post makes no sense. No one needs to give up days. You work with him to make it work for both of you. He has three days a week. Why does he have weekdays and you weekends? Do a Saturday night to Tuesday split and they can come to your house before and after school. Or a Thursday to Saturday. Or, change the school as they are with him weekdays. This is a strange set up. Stop being inflexible. You can work with him and still get your child support. If he has a house payment, child support and has to pay for the kids needs at his home, that’s way more for him than you and child care may not be reasonable or you both should share the cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a him problem and you are not required to help him solve it.

Document when your kids are dropped off late and marked tardy and when he asks you to do pickup make it clear you don’t plan to trade nights— you do pickup, he’s not doing 50%, CS will have to be adjusted. If you solve this for him it will be at your expense.

This. You’re not his wife anymore. He says he will “figure it out”, so let him do that. If he does not and you end up with the kids for more than your 50 percent, document that and you will have to get the custody agreement and child support modification done in court.

And yes document everything.

Or, she could be decent and work with him. If she will not, then it speaks volumes of her. He should go back and get the order modified to have the kids in school near him as they are with him three school days a week and have her share child care costs as depending on the state it is included in child support calculations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a him problem and you are not required to help him solve it.

Document when your kids are dropped off late and marked tardy and when he asks you to do pickup make it clear you don’t plan to trade nights— you do pickup, he’s not doing 50%, CS will have to be adjusted. If you solve this for him it will be at your expense.

This. You’re not his wife anymore. He says he will “figure it out”, so let him do that. If he does not and you end up with the kids for more than your 50 percent, document that and you will have to get the custody agreement and child support modification done in court.

And yes document everything.

Or, she could be decent and work with him. If she will not, then it speaks volumes of her. He should go back and get the order modified to have the kids in school near him as they are with him three school days a week and have her share child care costs as depending on the state it is included in child support calculations.

She is being decent. She asked him how he will manage the new logistics, and he said he would figure it out. She is not his wife and she is respecting boundaries and ex husband will need to adult and indeed figure it out.

If you’re suggesting that the kids be taken from their existing school for half the week to be moved nearer to their dad, I would say you’re not being decent. That is not in the best interest of the child to move them out of their existing life and friends to make dad’s life more convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you won’t ask for more child support. Let him have every other weekend and be flexible on if he can have dinners one or two night a week as well. Don’t he petty or awkward. This is about the kids.

You don’t take the kids away from dad because he has to work. If he takes a lower paying job, mom gets less child support. And, that’s not a good reason to take the kids away because you want more money. Get a part time job when kids are with dad or get a better paying job. If it’s about the kids they need time with their dad and 4 days a month and dinner occasionally I’d not a relationship. If it is, kids should live with dad and mom see them every other weekend and dinner occasionally and that solves the school issue as kids go to school and child care near dad and he uses the child support money to pay for child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a him problem and you are not required to help him solve it.

Document when your kids are dropped off late and marked tardy and when he asks you to do pickup make it clear you don’t plan to trade nights— you do pickup, he’s not doing 50%, CS will have to be adjusted. If you solve this for him it will be at your expense.

This. You’re not his wife anymore. He says he will “figure it out”, so let him do that. If he does not and you end up with the kids for more than your 50 percent, document that and you will have to get the custody agreement and child support modification done in court.

And yes document everything.

Or, she could be decent and work with him. If she will not, then it speaks volumes of her. He should go back and get the order modified to have the kids in school near him as they are with him three school days a week and have her share child care costs as depending on the state it is included in child support calculations.

She is being decent. She asked him how he will manage the new logistics, and he said he would figure it out. She is not his wife and she is respecting boundaries and ex husband will need to adult and indeed figure it out.

If you’re suggesting that the kids be taken from their existing school for half the week to be moved nearer to their dad, I would say you’re not being decent. That is not in the best interest of the child to move them out of their existing life and friends to make dad’s life more convenient.

If she’s not willing to help then it’s none of her business. Yes, the kids could change schools which makes sense given the schedule. She’s not decent at all. This is a custody and money grab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a him problem and you are not required to help him solve it.

Document when your kids are dropped off late and marked tardy and when he asks you to do pickup make it clear you don’t plan to trade nights— you do pickup, he’s not doing 50%, CS will have to be adjusted. If you solve this for him it will be at your expense.

This. You’re not his wife anymore. He says he will “figure it out”, so let him do that. If he does not and you end up with the kids for more than your 50 percent, document that and you will have to get the custody agreement and child support modification done in court.

And yes document everything.

Or, she could be decent and work with him. If she will not, then it speaks volumes of her. He should go back and get the order modified to have the kids in school near him as they are with him three school days a week and have her share child care costs as depending on the state it is included in child support calculations.

She is being decent. She asked him how he will manage the new logistics, and he said he would figure it out. She is not his wife and she is respecting boundaries and ex husband will need to adult and indeed figure it out.

If you’re suggesting that the kids be taken from their existing school for half the week to be moved nearer to their dad, I would say you’re not being decent. That is not in the best interest of the child to move them out of their existing life and friends to make dad’s life more convenient.

If she’s not willing to help then it’s none of her business. Yes, the kids could change schools which makes sense given the schedule. She’s not decent at all. This is a custody and money grab.

You sound like you don’t care about the kids involved-only about the comfort of their dad who moved knowing it would make it harder to see the kids. Divorce is hard enough without uprooting kids from their school. It makes no sense to move them from their school when their mom has them for half the week and the school is close to the home they live in the majority of them time.

You seem to want to reflexively blame the mother-not sure why you would do that. But again, if the ex-husband says he will figure it out, there is no space for her to intervene to help him fight out his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you won’t ask for more child support. Let him have every other weekend and be flexible on if he can have dinners one or two night a week as well. Don’t he petty or awkward. This is about the kids.

You don’t take the kids away from dad because he has to work. If he takes a lower paying job, mom gets less child support. And, that’s not a good reason to take the kids away because you want more money. Get a part time job when kids are with dad or get a better paying job. If it’s about the kids they need time with their dad and 4 days a month and dinner occasionally I’d not a relationship. If it is, kids should live with dad and mom see them every other weekend and dinner occasionally and that solves the school issue as kids go to school and child care near dad and he uses the child support money to pay for child care.

Are you high? Why should the mom lose custody during the week and only see her kids every other weekend because the dad unilaterally chose to move away from where the kids are located? Why should the kids switch schools and leave friends to be near only to their dad? That’s not how custody decisions work. Kids are not pawns to be moved out of their existing lives so easily.

[Anonymous]

I went through this with my XH at one point. He went to court over it to try to force me to either switch DC’s school or pay for a driver.

1. I had lots of written communication from him regarding both his voluntary move away from the vicinity of DC’s school and his statement that all before care and transportation costs were the responsibility of the parent whose morning it was. This last part came about when he dicked over our provider so badly that she doubled our rates.

2. The judge said that because he moved, he had to bear the consequences. He could get DC to school on time or lose school night overnights. My XH asked if he could get every weekend instead. The judge said it was up to me. I said no.

[Anonymous]

It is about the kids. Do what is best for them so they can stay in the same school and still see their Dad. Some of the replies on here to “stick it” to the Dad are disappointing. I would think you want your ex to have a job and a home for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get on the waitlist for beforecare/aftercare? Is it likely you'd be able to do it next school year (ie, you only have to find a fix for the next 4 months?)

How critical is the child support for you? If you know this is just a fix until June, can you just say you guys don't need to renegotiate child support if his number of days is lower for the time being? Then give him more weekend days and any holidays, etc to help make up for it and maybe he takes some extra time this summer to offset less time now. For example, can the kids do a camp near his house for a few weeks this summer so things are easier to juggle with his work schedule.

No. Screw this. He needs to figure this out, not have OP solve it for him with no increased child support! WTF did he move 30 minutes away??? That is STUPID.

What's STUPID is the thinking that when two people decide to divorce, there's magically enough money to support two households in the same HCOL area without needing to make adjustments or compromise on some things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you get on the waitlist for beforecare/aftercare? Is it likely you'd be able to do it next school year (ie, you only have to find a fix for the next 4 months?)

How critical is the child support for you? If you know this is just a fix until June, can you just say you guys don't need to renegotiate child support if his number of days is lower for the time being? Then give him more weekend days and any holidays, etc to help make up for it and maybe he takes some extra time this summer to offset less time now. For example, can the kids do a camp near his house for a few weeks this summer so things are easier to juggle with his work schedule.

No. Screw this. He needs to figure this out, not have OP solve it for him with no increased child support! WTF did he move 30 minutes away??? That is STUPID.

What's STUPID is the thinking that when two people decide to divorce, there's magically enough money to support two households in the same HCOL area without needing to make adjustments or compromise on some things.

Show me where in the post Op said that exDH moved to be somewhere more affordable. For all we know he moved to a more expensive area or he moved to get more space for his hobby or he moved to make his existing work commute shorter. Lots of assumptions here trying to prop this guy up who you don’t even know.

[Anonymous]

You let him figure it out. Don’t pick up the slack for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him you won’t ask for more child support. Let him have every other weekend and be flexible on if he can have dinners one or two night a week as well. Don’t he petty or awkward. This is about the kids.

This is probably what I would do unless it would cause financial difficulty (or was truly unfair like he has a lot more money).

Or shift to something like every Friday night so you still get Sunday.