Reply to DD meeting her boyfriend’s parents for the first time, we are both REALLY worried

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The fact the OP is expressing their concern about "uninhibited" remarks in the context of conservative parents is a huge red flag. And then basically doubles down by suggesting that old people don't need to earn respect. These days, old people are more likely to be awful human beings than young people. You should be appropriately polite for the circumstance, but respect only comes after it's earned.[/quote]

Respect should be a starting point not an end point.[/quote]

Disagree. Respect is meaningless if it comes for free. You need to earn it- whether you're 10, 22, or 60.[/quote]

No. This is the difference between the civilized and uncivilized. You probably freak out for being 'disrespected' if someone bumps into you on the sidewalk. That's not civilized behavior.[/quote]

You might confusing respect with politeness. You should be polite, yes. But respect should be earned.[/quote]

Still nope. That is not advice that will get you far in life.[/quote]

And following your advice is how we ended up with Trump.

I'm much more comfortable with my approach. Old people should be viewed with suspicion until they demonstrate they're not awful.[/quote]

At least you’re making it pretty clear that you are awful with your quick judgment of people because of their age. [/quote]

The OP started that with the unsupported claim that elders should be automatically respected because of their age.

If you're going to call out an age group for respect, the elderly certainly shouldn't be it. The same goes for the 50-65 age group.[/quote]

This is bizarre. When you meet the parents of a friend or boyfriend or a neighbor or acquaintance or really anyone, the default should be generally being polite and not spilling your knee jerk unsolicited unprovoked reactions and opinions about everything. That is just normal. It’s a baseline level of respect. Now if that other person is expressing unsolicited opinions that are problematic then it’s a different situation and you can speak up.[/quote]

Politeness is not the same thing as respect. Are you trying to use them as synonyms?

Meeting the parents of a serious significant other is unique. It isn't purely social. For the relationship to work, you need to have compatible values. You're not going to be able to determine that without getting into subjects that would be considered impolite with other groups of people.

Also, given that the Op brought up conservatism, the Op seems to think the parents might venture into these topics. Nonetheless, even if they don't, it is entirely appropriate for the daughter to bring them up to determine the suitability of the parents to continue the relationship.[/quote]

Explain how you teach your children to be polite but not respectful. What is the deep difference that even children can understand that respect can only be earned?[/quote]

Politeness is about following social conventions. Respect is about recognizing another person’s inherent worth and competence.

They're not the same thing. At all. But now your previous posts make more sense after you explained you didn't know the difference.[/quote]

You are addressing two posters as one fwiw. That being said, how do you stay polite while signaling disrespect, concretely speaking in this sort of first meeting situation? [/quote]

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