I want to get away from friend groups/communities with this specific type of woman: where to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd say you probably won't find that lady at a Ren Faire.
Or your local Unitarian church

This. Your local extremely progressive LGBT friendly protestant church is probably a good place to start, in addition to Unitarian.

Ren Fair and possibly craft / art groups. Maybe even very specifc nerd interest groups: Dungeons and Dragons? An astronomy meetup?

Stay far away from general book clubs and neighborhood groups and anything that is just social event based (wine tastings etc..)

Anything that's seen as a "yucky" nerd hobbb by "successful" type A's. I'm looking for this as well OP.

Churches of all kinds have a few power hungry members and bitter in fighting and guilt over how much you donate. UUs are largely wealthy but like to pretend they're not and some of them can be very judgemental. There are a lot of great people, but serving on a committee can be difficult.

Every group has problems. But not this specific kind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone like this. Maybe because I’m a minority and they avoid me? Yay.

of course, because all the white people are racist. yawn.

+1
I am so sick of Black people assuming that Whites are bad people. get over yourself

How do you know that poster is black? You're telling on yourself...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? You have to hang out with people a level below your own income level. We haven't moved out of our starter home for this reason. I want to HAVE money, not be around other people with money. Most of them are exactly like you describe.

I think this is kind of true. Once you get to the country club set, it's almost exclusively true. If you want to hang out with the "cool kids" this is how they are. IMO, the trick to dealing with it is to not care. Find the chubby girls to be your real friends.

[Anonymous]

OP - you make individual friends. One-on-one friendships. You might see them in a group setting, but make this rare. Shift your attention to friendships to one person at a time. And choose well - that's on you. Choose a peer that has character you respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know anyone like this. Maybe because I’m a minority and they avoid me? Yay.

of course, because all the white people are racist. yawn.

+1
I am so sick of Black people assuming that Whites are bad people. get over yourself

I don’t think that.

- Black person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where do you live? You have to hang out with people a level below your own income level. We haven't moved out of our starter home for this reason. I want to HAVE money, not be around other people with money. Most of them are exactly like you describe.

+1

My guess is OP is wealthy and lives in NW or Bethesda-Chevy Chase.

I never see these people in my area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah, yes, the competitive DC sanctimommy. Always first to kiss an ass if there are social points involved, will humblebrag you to death, and frequently "helpful" in ways that are nothing but condescending twattery.

How to avoid: Go somewhere volunteers are expected to perform a meaningful service, not just show off. The PTA is obviously out (PTAs are known mommymartyr showcases). Try sorting clothes at A Wider Circle or serving food at SOME (So Others Might Eat). Don't go anywhere the volunteers are there to specifically help those in leadership/power positions (again, think of the PTA and whose asses are getting kissed). Avoid anywhere that's a photo op, or somewhere volunteers get recognition beyond a simple "thank you".

But honestly? In this area, they're hard to avoid. Your best bet is to learn to ignore, but reserve an ice-cold burn or cut for when they pipe off. Understand that they're going to talk about you anyway and be willing to weaponize it. Calling them out just calls in their flying monkeys. You have to 'bless your heart' them, excessively, in public, in a way that points out what fake-ass nonsense they are full of. Do it right, and they'll start kissing YOUR ass, just to shut you up.

I don't know how to avoid them but I know how to get them to avoid me. I am on the autistic spectrum and spent the first five years of my son's life living abroad in the developing world with him, so I pulled into Vienna Va. with a little kid dressed in thrifted clothes who had never had a private swimming lesson, joined a competitive chess team, participated in mommy and me kiddie gymnastics etc. I proceeded to put my foot in my mouth at every possible opportunity. The first was when I admitted I had literally never heard of Virginia Tech, I confused special education and gifted classes, when someone was humble bragging about the special travel soccer team their kid was on, I was so clueless that I thought "He's playing on the Nationals" meant the kid was like nationally ranked or something. There's nothing quite like reacting in the wrong way and reacting in such a bizarre way that they literally have no response I highly recommend it.

Yes, this is basically my route, i.e., being the "hopeless case" is an excellent way to ward off the Type A "force of nature"! I have a non-glamorous busy job, but am a bit of a mess otherwise--and being 90% oblivious comes naturally to me. I'm not worth fighting, nor worth befriending/patronizing, but there are enough overlapping social and professional circles that everyone remains civil. I am happy to chat about Virginia Tech, or swim lanes, or their PTA plans... and then move on with everyone happy. Or not. Who knows?

[Anonymous]

Good luck. Women and men you just described make me vomit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People don't think about you nearly as much as you seem to think they do, OP. What an odd, unrelatable post. What on EARTH are you prattling on about?

I do not find the post odd or unrelated. I work with many women like she described.

[Anonymous]

Take up hobbies that do not attract these social climbing people. Volunteering you say? How about soup kitchens, homeless shelters, animal shelters? How about tutoring ESOL? Gardening exchanges with hippie old ladies. How about the local gardening cooperative extension? Meals on wheels? Serving the poor not the PTA.

[Anonymous]

I live in NW DC and have kids at the Cathedral schools (one in high school, 2 graduated) and I honestly don't know many people like OP is describing. Sure, they've been a few queen bees over the years that other moms worship in weird ways but they've generally been reasonably ok and even nice people who just happen to be super charismatic.

Or maybe it's that it all gets so much better when kids are in high school and college and women reach their 50s I'm forgetting exactly what life was like when our kids were young. By their 50s even the most obnoxious and intense tend to settle out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:haha +1 to the Unitarian Church (All Souls) and truly none of these women there

Where to NOT spend time: hanging out with lawyers, anyone who does PR, lobbyists or Hill types

Yes to nonprofits, making friends with former Peace Corps volunteers. Don't laugh, but I began to love living in DC when I escaped the Hill bubble I was in and made friends with a bunch of RPCVs. Career Feds, think tankers (but they have other obnoxious tendencies) or anyone in a mission-driven career are also all over DC in droves.

Oh no. NO to nonprofits. This woman is all over the big national nonprofits based in DC. She’s often the #1,2 or 3 there. She can afford this because her amiable beta husband makes a ton if money due to his college athlete network

+1

[Anonymous]

I know exactly the type you're talking about. To the point that I wonder if you live in my neighborhood and we are thinking of the same person.

[Anonymous]

I can confirm that you are not safe at a Unitarian church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is envious of the queen B because she wants to be the queen B but can't hack it.

Try not being a B.

OP doesn’t sound envious. It sounds like she just wants to enjoy life like a normal person and not have to deal with toxic dynamics.