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[quote=Anonymous]There are a bunch of people on this thread that don’t seem to live under the pressures that OP has and/or don’t have some of the mental health issues that OP may have. Please note you can regret being a parent without having a mental health issue, but it does sound like OP may have something going on.

First, I would suggest that OP go to her primary care provider and ask for an anxiety/depression screening. She should try meds if she qualifies. This won’t make all the issues go away, but it may help you see past some of the chaos. I went on an SSRI for pain relief due to an autoimmune issue. And while o truly did not hit the radar for anxiety or depression, it has still eased perimenopause symptoms and made me less ticked off when people are doing stupid stuff.

Two, it sounds like money is very stressful. Are there things you could do to relieve that pressure? Would picking up food from a food bank help? Would cutting a kid’s dance class help? Your kids don’t have to do everything their peers are doing.

Third, a parenting workshop to help you figure out routines, etc. might help you. My husband and I had a kid with profound special needs and we went to a therapist who helped us figure out some new routines to help us when our world fundamentally shifted. It was like five sessions and we were both so glad we went.

Fourth, people find the word “regret” really triggering when it comes to kids. They are convinced that it means you must be a terrible parent and your kids know you feel that way. I disagree. My husband and I ended up with one kid that has profound intellectual disability and then the other kid had brain cancer before she turned two. We found out her brain cancer had recurred on our anniversary. We went out to dinner anyway and I was crying and my husband said “I wonder if we are going to get to the point where we wish we had never met, because this is all just too terribly hard.” It was completely honest.

We are now 10 years post chemo and 20 years happily married. But, I still wonder sometimes if we would have been better off getting genetic testing and not having our oldest. She has no ability to communicate, we have no way to protect her forever, it is hard to still change diapers, give baths, etc to a 16 year old. Do I “regret” having her? Maybe? It is hard to connect with a child that cannot communicate and barely knows I’m even in the room? Yes. Do I love her? I guess I do. It is hard to evaluate with a kid that doesn’t even know you are their mom. I know I desperately fear for her future.

But it doesn’t make me a bad mom. I’m still a really good mom, and you can be too. Even if you might have done things differently if you could go back and make different choices understanding the outcome better. Hang in there.[/quote]

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