In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.

+1

These grandparents are making this about them. They want their insta moment.

The title is different from what the OP says in her post. In her post she said days around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man, even my kids in elementary school understand that you don't always celebrate a birthday ON the day because of school, work, holidays, etc. Also, scheduling celebrations on other days = more days of birthday! I would have no patience for grandparents being this precious about a specific date.

They're not asking for a specific date -- OP says on the date or a few days in either direction. But no matter which date, OP doesn't want them there.

Yeah, because for once, her parents are able to be there. Her parents who live overseas. It’s OK for “a few hours away” ILs to not be at every little thing, every little time.

Well, OP chose to live in another country than her parents, right? It’s not liked she’s been deported to here. So why should the other parents have to suffer?

[Anonymous]

DH and I have a simple rule - any and all grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles etc are always invited to ALL birthday and anniversary celebrations.

We don't go out of way to cater to anyone, but everyone is included in the celebrations. And we have ample space - 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, + a big basement with 6 air-mattresses...so...everyone can fit in somewhere. We order in food, we have lots of self-serve options (fruits, cereal, breads, spreads, juices) and everyone can make something for themselves because fridge, pantry etc is open to all.

Also, we serve costco birthday cake, icecream and lots and lots of food. It is a joyous occasion - so be glad that everyone is alive and want to be included.

You are complicating your life unnecessarily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a simple rule - any and all grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles etc are always invited to ALL birthday and anniversary celebrations.

We don't go out of way to cater to anyone, but everyone is included in the celebrations. And we have ample space - 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, + a big basement with 6 air-mattresses...so...everyone can fit in somewhere. We order in food, we have lots of self-serve options (fruits, cereal, breads, spreads, juices) and everyone can make something for themselves because fridge, pantry etc is open to all.

Also, we serve costco birthday cake, icecream and lots and lots of food. It is a joyous occasion - so be glad that everyone is alive and want to be included.

You are complicating your life unnecessarily.

No, she’s not complicating her life unnecessarily — she’s being disingenuous. She doesn’t like her ILs and she doesn’t want them there for the birthday. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a simple rule - any and all grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles etc are always invited to ALL birthday and anniversary celebrations.

We don't go out of way to cater to anyone, but everyone is included in the celebrations. And we have ample space - 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, + a big basement with 6 air-mattresses...so...everyone can fit in somewhere. We order in food, we have lots of self-serve options (fruits, cereal, breads, spreads, juices) and everyone can make something for themselves because fridge, pantry etc is open to all.

Also, we serve costco birthday cake, icecream and lots and lots of food. It is a joyous occasion - so be glad that everyone is alive and want to be included.

You are complicating your life unnecessarily.

+1

OP is annoyed that the ILs are making it about them but she is making it about herself and her parents.

[Anonymous]

Your rationale about why you want to set boundaries with your in-laws around your teen’s bday sort of fly out the window if your parents are going to be there. Based on your OP your kid won’t get the birthday they want anyways because 1 set of grandparents will already be there so you might as well make it two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have a simple rule - any and all grandparents, siblings, cousins, uncles etc are always invited to ALL birthday and anniversary celebrations.

We don't go out of way to cater to anyone, but everyone is included in the celebrations. And we have ample space - 5 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms, + a big basement with 6 air-mattresses...so...everyone can fit in somewhere. We order in food, we have lots of self-serve options (fruits, cereal, breads, spreads, juices) and everyone can make something for themselves because fridge, pantry etc is open to all.

Also, we serve costco birthday cake, icecream and lots and lots of food. It is a joyous occasion - so be glad that everyone is alive and want to be included.

You are complicating your life unnecessarily.

No, she’s not complicating her life unnecessarily — she’s being disingenuous. She doesn’t like her ILs and she doesn’t want them there for the birthday. Period.

Ok but do you realize the vast majority of people don't have the space that you have? Would you host like this in a 4 bedroom/2 bathroom home without a finished basement (or something even smaller?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

They live a few hours away, why would they need a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

OP here, I know you mean well, but I would never, ever do this. I hope you're a troll!

Why not? You're already having your family stay at your house, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Invite them to a family dinner at a casual restaurant, but say unfortunately you can’t host overnight guests, but there’s a Microtel nearby and you’d be happy to have them over for muffins and coffee the next morning at your house before they hit the road.

There; they’re invited, but you are making it clear you can’t host them overnight. Up to them whether they accept a perfectly nice invitation.

OP here, I know you mean well, but I would never, ever do this. I hope you're a troll!

NP, this depends so much on the ILs and the distance. If I invited my in-laws, who live 5 hours away, have health issues and are grossed out by hotels, to come for *dinner* they would be extremely weirded out by that. Like it would be so obvious I didn’t expect them to take us up on it. And my in-laws are nice and don’t expect catering to at all, but they do need some help around our house, which is not ideal for people with mobility issues so adding them into a full house would be a lot (and my house is not tiny either). Luckily for me, what my in-laws and my parents would both want is for my kid to enjoy their birthday as they want.