Spouse Lets DD Ghost My Mother

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Are you really so intellectually stunted that you don't see the common denominator in all the things you listed? All of those "parents will make you do these things" tasks are about DDs health and well-being. You know what else is about DD's health and well-being? Boundaries.

Sounds like you need to take your own advice and grow some brain matter, dearie.

Are you really so stunted that you don't understand that raising a respectful, caring child who respects her grandma is super beneficial to DDs wellbeing? If boundaries need to be drawn due to some kind of abuse, by all means do that. But there is zero evidence of that.

I suggest that OP take charge of this and make his DD talk to grandma since his wife is being a brat as are you.

"You can only say no if you can prove abuse" "If you don't always comply with someone else's wishes, you're not respectful or caring." "You can only draw the boundaries that meet everyone else's needs/wants first."

Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation.

Uhm, you make no sense whatsoever. Please show me on this keyboard where granma hurt you, you lunatic.

I had great relationships with all my grandparents, and was lucky enough to know my great gran who lived to be 102. All have now passed. I'd be delighted to be able to call any of them again, and I still wouldn't force my kids to.

I said what I said: Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation. "Do it or I'll punish you" isn't a relationship, it's brute force.

I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic consent as it applies to relationships. Please don't have any; you're a liability.

I'm sorry you're so damaged that you compare a 5 min call with a grandparent to rape. I said, what I said. You're a lunatic who should not be raising children.

I'm sorry you're so triggered by the word "consent" that you make these wackadoodle connections I never made...

But your willingness to lash out at me personally reveals that you're an unstable person who can't have a simple discussion without making personal attacks at strangers, so thank you for that information. I'll put your commentary in the bin where it belongs.

DP. I am triggered by use of the word rape when discussing a short FT call with grandma. I can’t take seriously anyone who would discuss rape culture in this context.

Following the thread, PP called it a hostage situation. You're the one who brought rape into it.

You're probably just triggered because you can relate to old gran in this story: without force, who's gonna want to talk to you?

You are arguing with multiple people. I am most certainly NOT the person who brought rape into it. You are very unwell, that’s all I can say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

So saying "no" isn't kind or polite, and little girls shouldn't do it? Really? That's the message you want to send?

Welcome to rape culture. Where did you think that started?

Give me a break. The girl can talk to her grandmother for 5 minutes.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent.

You realize you sound completely insane when you compare a five min phone call with grandma to rape, right? RIGHT????? FFS

Consent transfers to far more than just rape. Stop trying to villify consent in children. Try are humans and people too, not just your okay thing to do with as you wish.

I saw a thing the other day where babies are supposed to consent to diaper changes. I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, that is how far down this consent rabbit hole some of you are!

hahahhaahahhaa omg we shouldn't force babies to have their diapers changed. We shouldn't force kids to go to school or get vaccines. THEY DID NOT CONSENT!!!!

Again, imagine thinking this was a smart comeback from an intelligent source, and not a hamfisted derail in an attempt to duck a legitimate point.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent. You should probably sit with that instead of thinking about baby diapers. Sicko.

Children are not allowed to say no to a lot of things. That is the point. Why is that so hard for your to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Why does the call time have to be rigid? Call when your daughter is home, I doubt your mother has many other things blocking her schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

Nah, I'm not my husband's secretary. He can coordinate visits with his own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

Nah, I'm not my husband's secretary. He can coordinate visits with his own family.

Then say that. Why agree to do something if you have no intention of doing it?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Are you really so intellectually stunted that you don't see the common denominator in all the things you listed? All of those "parents will make you do these things" tasks are about DDs health and well-being. You know what else is about DD's health and well-being? Boundaries.

Sounds like you need to take your own advice and grow some brain matter, dearie.

Are you really so stunted that you don't understand that raising a respectful, caring child who respects her grandma is super beneficial to DDs wellbeing? If boundaries need to be drawn due to some kind of abuse, by all means do that. But there is zero evidence of that.

I suggest that OP take charge of this and make his DD talk to grandma since his wife is being a brat as are you.

"You can only say no if you can prove abuse" "If you don't always comply with someone else's wishes, you're not respectful or caring." "You can only draw the boundaries that meet everyone else's needs/wants first."

Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation.

Uhm, you make no sense whatsoever. Please show me on this keyboard where granma hurt you, you lunatic.

I had great relationships with all my grandparents, and was lucky enough to know my great gran who lived to be 102. All have now passed. I'd be delighted to be able to call any of them again, and I still wouldn't force my kids to.

I said what I said: Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation. "Do it or I'll punish you" isn't a relationship, it's brute force.

I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic consent as it applies to relationships. Please don't have any; you're a liability.

I'm sorry you're so damaged that you compare a 5 min call with a grandparent to rape. I said, what I said. You're a lunatic who should not be raising children.

I'm sorry you're so triggered by the word "consent" that you make these wackadoodle connections I never made...

But your willingness to lash out at me personally reveals that you're an unstable person who can't have a simple discussion without making personal attacks at strangers, so thank you for that information. I'll put your commentary in the bin where it belongs.

DP. I am triggered by use of the word rape when discussing a short FT call with grandma. I can’t take seriously anyone who would discuss rape culture in this context.

Following the thread, PP called it a hostage situation. You're the one who brought rape into it.

You're probably just triggered because you can relate to old gran in this story: without force, who's gonna want to talk to you?

You are arguing with multiple people. I am most certainly NOT the person who brought rape into it. You are very unwell, that’s all I can say.

Clearly. You can't follow the thread, you can't make a rational argument, you're projecting onto people you don't even know, and you're smart enough to acknowledge you're "triggered" but not smart enough to log off, touch grass, call your therapist/grandma...

Yeah, all you can do is take ableist cheap shots. Sounds about right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

Nah, I'm not my husband's secretary. He can coordinate visits with his own family.

Then say that. Why agree to do something if you have no intention of doing it?

People consent to things they don't want because they're being forced. This is what the dad wants from the daughter. Don't you think he's controlling AF with his wife, too?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Are you really so intellectually stunted that you don't see the common denominator in all the things you listed? All of those "parents will make you do these things" tasks are about DDs health and well-being. You know what else is about DD's health and well-being? Boundaries.

Sounds like you need to take your own advice and grow some brain matter, dearie.

Are you really so stunted that you don't understand that raising a respectful, caring child who respects her grandma is super beneficial to DDs wellbeing? If boundaries need to be drawn due to some kind of abuse, by all means do that. But there is zero evidence of that.

I suggest that OP take charge of this and make his DD talk to grandma since his wife is being a brat as are you.

"You can only say no if you can prove abuse" "If you don't always comply with someone else's wishes, you're not respectful or caring." "You can only draw the boundaries that meet everyone else's needs/wants first."

Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation.

Uhm, you make no sense whatsoever. Please show me on this keyboard where granma hurt you, you lunatic.

I had great relationships with all my grandparents, and was lucky enough to know my great gran who lived to be 102. All have now passed. I'd be delighted to be able to call any of them again, and I still wouldn't force my kids to.

I said what I said: Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation. "Do it or I'll punish you" isn't a relationship, it's brute force.

I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic consent as it applies to relationships. Please don't have any; you're a liability.

I'm sorry you're so damaged that you compare a 5 min call with a grandparent to rape. I said, what I said. You're a lunatic who should not be raising children.

I'm sorry you're so triggered by the word "consent" that you make these wackadoodle connections I never made...

But your willingness to lash out at me personally reveals that you're an unstable person who can't have a simple discussion without making personal attacks at strangers, so thank you for that information. I'll put your commentary in the bin where it belongs.

DP. I am triggered by use of the word rape when discussing a short FT call with grandma. I can’t take seriously anyone who would discuss rape culture in this context.

Following the thread, PP called it a hostage situation. You're the one who brought rape into it.

You're probably just triggered because you can relate to old gran in this story: without force, who's gonna want to talk to you?

You are arguing with multiple people. I am most certainly NOT the person who brought rape into it. You are very unwell, that’s all I can say.

Clearly. You can't follow the thread, you can't make a rational argument, you're projecting onto people you don't even know, and you're smart enough to acknowledge you're "triggered" but not smart enough to log off, touch grass, call your therapist/grandma...

Yeah, all you can do is take ableist cheap shots. Sounds about right.

Sounds like it hits close to home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

Nah, I'm not my husband's secretary. He can coordinate visits with his own family.

Then say that. Why agree to do something if you have no intention of doing it?

People consent to things they don't want because they're being forced. This is what the dad wants from the daughter. Don't you think he's controlling AF with his wife, too?

I cannot imagine being married to someone who cannot speak and instead chooses to behave in dysfunctional ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

So saying "no" isn't kind or polite, and little girls shouldn't do it? Really? That's the message you want to send?

Welcome to rape culture. Where did you think that started?

Give me a break. The girl can talk to her grandmother for 5 minutes.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent.

You realize you sound completely insane when you compare a five min phone call with grandma to rape, right? RIGHT????? FFS

Consent transfers to far more than just rape. Stop trying to villify consent in children. Try are humans and people too, not just your okay thing to do with as you wish.

I saw a thing the other day where babies are supposed to consent to diaper changes. I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, that is how far down this consent rabbit hole some of you are!

hahahhaahahhaa omg we shouldn't force babies to have their diapers changed. We shouldn't force kids to go to school or get vaccines. THEY DID NOT CONSENT!!!!

Again, imagine thinking this was a smart comeback from an intelligent source, and not a hamfisted derail in an attempt to duck a legitimate point.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent. You should probably sit with that instead of thinking about baby diapers. Sicko.

Children are not allowed to say no to a lot of things. That is the point. Why is that so hard for your to understand?

I understand there are things we do have to insist upon (e.g. regular bathing, school attendance). This isn't one of them. This is an area where it's developmentally appropriate for the child to say yes or no, and reasonable for the parents to allow a choice.

Why is that so hard for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

Nah, I'm not my husband's secretary. He can coordinate visits with his own family.

Then say that. Why agree to do something if you have no intention of doing it?

People consent to things they don't want because they're being forced. This is what the dad wants from the daughter. Don't you think he's controlling AF with his wife, too?

I cannot imagine being married to someone who cannot speak and instead chooses to behave in dysfunctional ways.

I can't imagine being married to someone who demands I engage anyone I don't want to, let alone someone stupid enough to think I'm gonna pass that suck along to my kids.

OP has control issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

We have NO IDEA what kind of MIL and grandma she has been for the last 20 years. Just because she's now 81 and old and lonely doesn't mean she was a good person before.

Correct. It's not stopping you though from conjecturing that she was awful. Why is that? Are you projecting? Trying to justify your own horrible behavior towards your in-laws and parents?

If wife has a problem with grandma, she can be a big girl about it and bring up the concerns. I hate passive aggressive antics.

How do you know she hasn't? OP is very scant on details. Your default is that there is NO REASON for wife to behave this way. My default is the opposite. Until we have more details, we simply don't know.

I'm assuming she hasn't because according to OP she is simply missing the calls and DS has no problem talking to grandma. So we do have some information that doesn't support that grandma was horrible. Your default is to vilify people with zero information about their wrongdoing? NICE!

We also have the information that DD DOESN'T WANT TO. Which you are conveniently ignoring.

I'm sure DD doesn't want to do a LOT of stuff which both parents have no issue making her do. Taking showers, going to school, eating right, exercising, going to bed on time. But THIS, this is where you draw the line. Grow up.

Are you really so intellectually stunted that you don't see the common denominator in all the things you listed? All of those "parents will make you do these things" tasks are about DDs health and well-being. You know what else is about DD's health and well-being? Boundaries.

Sounds like you need to take your own advice and grow some brain matter, dearie.

Are you really so stunted that you don't understand that raising a respectful, caring child who respects her grandma is super beneficial to DDs wellbeing? If boundaries need to be drawn due to some kind of abuse, by all means do that. But there is zero evidence of that.

I suggest that OP take charge of this and make his DD talk to grandma since his wife is being a brat as are you.

"You can only say no if you can prove abuse" "If you don't always comply with someone else's wishes, you're not respectful or caring." "You can only draw the boundaries that meet everyone else's needs/wants first."

Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation.

Uhm, you make no sense whatsoever. Please show me on this keyboard where granma hurt you, you lunatic.

I had great relationships with all my grandparents, and was lucky enough to know my great gran who lived to be 102. All have now passed. I'd be delighted to be able to call any of them again, and I still wouldn't force my kids to.

I said what I said: Forced compliance isn't a relationship. It's a hostage situation. "Do it or I'll punish you" isn't a relationship, it's brute force.

I'm sorry you're too stupid to understand basic consent as it applies to relationships. Please don't have any; you're a liability.

I'm sorry you're so damaged that you compare a 5 min call with a grandparent to rape. I said, what I said. You're a lunatic who should not be raising children.

I'm sorry you're so triggered by the word "consent" that you make these wackadoodle connections I never made...

But your willingness to lash out at me personally reveals that you're an unstable person who can't have a simple discussion without making personal attacks at strangers, so thank you for that information. I'll put your commentary in the bin where it belongs.

DP. I am triggered by use of the word rape when discussing a short FT call with grandma. I can’t take seriously anyone who would discuss rape culture in this context.

Following the thread, PP called it a hostage situation. You're the one who brought rape into it.

You're probably just triggered because you can relate to old gran in this story: without force, who's gonna want to talk to you?

You are arguing with multiple people. I am most certainly NOT the person who brought rape into it. You are very unwell, that’s all I can say.

Clearly. You can't follow the thread, you can't make a rational argument, you're projecting onto people you don't even know, and you're smart enough to acknowledge you're "triggered" but not smart enough to log off, touch grass, call your therapist/grandma...

Yeah, all you can do is take ableist cheap shots. Sounds about right.

Sounds like it hits close to home.

It didn't hit at all, sweetie. Sorry to disappoint. I'm way out of your range. I hope you get the therapy you need about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Mother is 81, lives alone and has 4 grandkids. Two from me and two from my brother. In addition to our DD, we have a DS. My mother likes weekly calls/face time with them. My son participates happily but my daughter is 'annoyed' by the calls and tries to skip them. I don't allow her to skip them, but my wife does. She'll go so far as to 'forget' to be home with my DD while running errands, schedule conflicting appointments, etc. She will happily 'defend' my DD's objections when I challenge her non participation. Basically, she is complicit and I am irrationally angry over this. Am I wrong?

Why does the call time have to be rigid? Call when your daughter is home, I doubt your mother has many other things blocking her schedule.

This is the answer. OP, it’s not your wife’s responsibility, it’s your responsibility, because it’s your mother. And your mother needs to understand that if she wants to talk to your daughter weekly, she will have to be flexible about times. Unlike some posters I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect your daughter to show up and be gracious for a short phone call every week. But I do think it’s unreasonable to force her to schedule around it every single week, and it’s definitely unreasonable for your wife to somehow be responsible for making this happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like this is all about your mother's needs and not the needs of your child.

How long have you prioritized your mother's needs and desires over those of your own family?

Someday you will be sitting in assisted living miserably wondering why your kids and grandkids never visit or call you. Think about this post then. And ring for the caregiver to change your Depends, but as usual she takes her time about showing up.

Actually, parents and grandparents who take the time to foster strong, close, reciprocal relationships don't have this problem. It's the ones who were selfish and checked out who do. Then they wake up one day in old age and can't figure out why no one wants to visit them.

Door swings both ways. Sounds like grandma is trying very hard and DD is being a brat fully supported by her mom.

Why is it bratty to not want to talk to someone? Why would you even want a forced conversation?

Normalize letting kids say no. Agency is important.

Normilize raising kind, polite kids who understand that grandparents love them and are important. FFS

So saying "no" isn't kind or polite, and little girls shouldn't do it? Really? That's the message you want to send?

Welcome to rape culture. Where did you think that started?

Give me a break. The girl can talk to her grandmother for 5 minutes.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent.

You realize you sound completely insane when you compare a five min phone call with grandma to rape, right? RIGHT????? FFS

Consent transfers to far more than just rape. Stop trying to villify consent in children. Try are humans and people too, not just your okay thing to do with as you wish.

I saw a thing the other day where babies are supposed to consent to diaper changes. I couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, that is how far down this consent rabbit hole some of you are!

hahahhaahahhaa omg we shouldn't force babies to have their diapers changed. We shouldn't force kids to go to school or get vaccines. THEY DID NOT CONSENT!!!!

Again, imagine thinking this was a smart comeback from an intelligent source, and not a hamfisted derail in an attempt to duck a legitimate point.

If she's not free to say no, she's not free to give meaningful consent. You should probably sit with that instead of thinking about baby diapers. Sicko.

Children are not allowed to say no to a lot of things. That is the point. Why is that so hard for your to understand?

I understand there are things we do have to insist upon (e.g. regular bathing, school attendance). This isn't one of them. This is an area where it's developmentally appropriate for the child to say yes or no, and reasonable for the parents to allow a choice.

Why is that so hard for you?

Why is it so hard for you to get that OP and several others disagree?

I don’t have a dog in this fight because I don’t force my kids to talk to grandparents, but I do call them on speaker when the kids are around so they say hi, etc. a nice middle ground, I think, as my kids hate chatting on the phone. But I think it’s reasonable to start to expect them to call as they get college age. I called about every 2 weeks just to be polite when I was away at college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That's pretty reprehensible behavior from your wife. What does she say when you talk to her about it? Everyone is so self centered these days. DD can most certainly sit through 10 minutes of talking to grandma.

Nah, I'm not my husband's secretary. He can coordinate visits with his own family.

Then say that. Why agree to do something if you have no intention of doing it?

People consent to things they don't want because they're being forced. This is what the dad wants from the daughter. Don't you think he's controlling AF with his wife, too?

HAHAHAHHAAHHAHAA so now the wife simply can't say no? As the other poster said, you are unwell, and you need to deal with wherever trauma you had in your life. I mean this sincerely.