I forgot my friend’s kid’s nut allergy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think that if you have a child who also has a severe allergy you would be MORE aware/responsible, so I get her reaction. I mean, you should get it having a child of your own who is vulnerable. Forgetting is pretty awful.

You can’t remember everything. Ultimately the child needs to be responsible for what they put in their mouth.

Is that what you would say to the paramedics when they came to get a dead body out of your basement? Like seriously? If you don’t have human empathy try thinking about your homeowners insurance— she served the kid a food she knew was dangerous.

She forgot. Kid noticed and didn’t eat it. Everything is fine. Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

+1
I do think it's irresponsible of you as a parent especially since you know about the allergy and the kids are good friends, but it's not something a parent should be angry with another parent about at that age.

Not another random parent, no. But a family friend who has known about her kid’s allergy for YEARS is someone she presumably (and with good reason) trusted to keep her kid safe. Probably feels somewhat betrayed by OP.

OP said she has her own problems. Get a grip. Her kid knew what to do.

If your problems make you incapable of safely hosting a child, don’t host.

Your naivete is going to bite you some day. You think your kid is perfectly safe whenever they are in a home not yours? Okay, lady.

No, I don’t think she’s perfectly safe even in my home. That’s not possible for any kid and certainly not for a kid with a serious allergy.

So I only leave her in the care of trusted adults. The kind who would be mortified if they made a mistake like this, not seeking an excuse.

That's the whole point. OP was trusted until she wasn't. Can happen to anyone. Telling people "Fine don't host!" Might make you feel good but it won't help.

I disagree. If you’re taking responsibility for people’s kids, take that seriously. Same goes for closing pool gates, or any other normal response to a known hazard.

If you’re the kind of person who is horrified and mortified for one paragraph and in the second paragraph want to shift the blame to the eleven year old,
please do everyone a favor and don’t host.

You never know what can happen when you drop your kid off somewhere. Just keep rolling those dice.

DP but this is such a bizarre position to take. We’re talking about responsibility of a hosting adult, and you keep deflecting to the responsibility of the hosted child and their parents.

When people drop their kids off at your home do you make them aware of your flippant attitude with respect to their child’s safety?

“I hope Larla is still alive when you come back in a few hours, Jan. She’s not my responsibility and you’re really rolling the dice by leaving her with me!”

Because the answer is to send your own food until your kid is educated enough. Not insist there will be dead bodies because other people don’t know what they are doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would think that if you have a child who also has a severe allergy you would be MORE aware/responsible, so I get her reaction. I mean, you should get it having a child of your own who is vulnerable. Forgetting is pretty awful.

You can’t remember everything. Ultimately the child needs to be responsible for what they put in their mouth.

Is that what you would say to the paramedics when they came to get a dead body out of your basement? Like seriously? If you don’t have human empathy try thinking about your homeowners insurance— she served the kid a food she knew was dangerous.

She forgot. Kid noticed and didn’t eat it. Everything is fine. Get over yourself.

Myself? She’s the one blaming the kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

And then your friends and the moms on DCUM will label you as “neurotic” and will gossip about you, roll their eyes, and judge you.

Allergy Moms: Can’t Win for Losing

[Anonymous]

Your friend is out of line. I have a deadly peanut allergy and I don't expect everyone to remember it, even my close friends. It's on the 11 year old to remember. And he did. It was fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

And then your friends and the moms on DCUM will label you as “neurotic” and will gossip about you, roll their eyes, and judge you.

Allergy Moms: Can’t Win for Losing

I’m an allergy mom and this has never been my experience— there’s plenty of people out there who take care when they’re responsible for other people’s children and don’t act like it’s an imposition. I hope you find a better group PP!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

The thing that’s shocking is the effort to evade responsibility. Which means even if she’d been reminded, she’d be looking to blame anyone but herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

The thing that’s shocking is the effort to evade responsibility. Which means even if she’d been reminded, she’d be looking to blame anyone but herself.

Because her friend handled it badly. A friendly reminder and chat for something that wasn’t an emergency is appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

The thing that’s shocking is the effort to evade responsibility. Which means even if she’d been reminded, she’d be looking to blame anyone but herself.

Because her friend handled it badly. A friendly reminder and chat for something that wasn’t an emergency is appropriate.

She is trying to evade responsibility for the initial event— which means she wants someone to tell her it’s totally fine that she served a kid with allergies nuts because the kid didn’t come up and say hey why did you give me this, or the mom didn’t remind again. The moms
response is irrelevant— OP was wrong, needs to feel mortified and do better, not look around to see who she can blame.

[Anonymous]

"The next day I got a nasty text from my friend, wondering why I had served candy with nuts when it was so upsetting to her son."

What exactly did the text say, OP? What you think is nasty and what actually is nasty may be two different things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

The thing that’s shocking is the effort to evade responsibility. Which means even if she’d been reminded, she’d be looking to blame anyone but herself.

Bingo!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

This was a mom who knew about the allergy. Probably she’s told the other mom 100 times, “Of course, yes, I remember Timmy is allergic to nuts! I even bought blah blah blah…”

She knew and still forgot. Are you shocked? So your remind 101 times.

The thing that’s shocking is the effort to evade responsibility. Which means even if she’d been reminded, she’d be looking to blame anyone but herself.

Because her friend handled it badly. A friendly reminder and chat for something that wasn’t an emergency is appropriate.

She is trying to evade responsibility for the initial event— which means she wants someone to tell her it’s totally fine that she served a kid with allergies nuts because the kid didn’t come up and say hey why did you give me this, or the mom didn’t remind again. The moms
response is irrelevant— OP was wrong, needs to feel mortified and do better, not look around to see who she can blame.

Nothing happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

Not the same at all. A toddler can’t take any responsibility for themself. An 11 year old can and should. If your tween child has the capacity of a toddler, you’ve got more serious problems than an allergy. Amazing parenting. Slow clap.