I forgot my friend’s kid’s nut allergy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

Not buying it. Our prolific troll is back.

And probably sockpuppeting throughout. I think the troll starts an allergy thread so they can spout off on it with extreme view points.

[Anonymous]

20:46 again.

I would just like to add that we always need to defer to the parent of the minor child, or the adult who has allergies, with regards to what they can and cannot eat. Every patient is different, and a third party cannot judge on the fly what that person will tolerate in their food.

I know a lot of people, some in my own family, who don't quite believe that someone could drop dead from anaphylaxis, and who act very nonchalant around deadly allergies. Even if you think the patient or their parents are completely off their rocker... it's best to be safe than sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

+1
I do think it's irresponsible of you as a parent especially since you know about the allergy and the kids are good friends, but it's not something a parent should be angry with another parent about at that age.

Not another random parent, no. But a family friend who has known about her kid’s allergy for YEARS is someone she presumably (and with good reason) trusted to keep her kid safe. Probably feels somewhat betrayed by OP.

OP said she has her own problems. Get a grip. Her kid knew what to do.

If your problems make you incapable of safely hosting a child, don’t host.

Your naivete is going to bite you some day. You think your kid is perfectly safe whenever they are in a home not yours? Okay, lady.

No, I don’t think she’s perfectly safe even in my home. That’s not possible for any kid and certainly not for a kid with a serious allergy.

So I only leave her in the care of trusted adults. The kind who would be mortified if they made a mistake like this, not seeking an excuse.

That's the whole point. OP was trusted until she wasn't. Can happen to anyone. Telling people "Fine don't host!" Might make you feel good but it won't help.

NP. That’s not what happened. What happened is someone literally asked “what would make your kid feel safe in my home,” a parent whose kid has a nut allergy answered with clear instructions, and then the poster rudely said “that’s too much, we won’t invite you.”

THAT is the response that warrants a “fine, don’t host.” Any decent person would say, “That’s all good to know, and it will help me talk to the parents and make a plan for their kid to come over.” And that would warrant a “Thank you!”

No shit Sherlock. I said I wouldn't host with those rules no need to be like "fine!" Nobody actually does any of that anyway, that PP is trolling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I goofed. 11DS has a friend allergic to nuts, which I’ve known for years. He’s been to our home and we’ve been out to dinner with them, although it’s been a while. From a young age, he has been diligent about avoiding nuts.

Recently, my teenage DD was diagnosed with her own severe allergy, which has thrown me for a loop. In all the chaos, I totally spaced out when planning DS’s birthday party. I bought a big bag of mixed wrapped candy bars for the boys to eat while watching a movie, not realizing one of the brands has nuts in it. The allergic kid knew not to eat it, although the other boys ate it, but he didn’t say anything to me or anyone.

The next day I got a nasty text from my friend, wondering why I had served candy with nuts when it was so upsetting to her son. I was mortified, admitted I had been completely preoccupied lately and had simply forgotten his nut allergy since I hadn’t seen him in a while. I apologized profusely and things seem smoothed over for now.

Not only do I feel bad for upsetting her son, I’m also wondering if it was her or her son’s responsibility to remind me of the allergy before the party and not ream me out by text. I’m embarrassed for the slip-up but also feel she went overboard with the nastygram. WWYD?

I’m sorry. I have a kid with a nut allergy and it is nice when people accommodate it, but ultimately it’s my kid’s responsibility to avoid nuts. If I were you, I would apologize, but I wouldn’t promise that I would never goof again. 100% this mom has made a mistake before as well.

Actually, thinking back, when my kid was also allergic to eggs, I had to rush my kid from his friend’s house because the mom had given him a cookie and she told him it was egg free without checking the ingredients. He was 8 at the time. Even then, I didn’t blame her. She was mortified. Sometimes it takes making a mistake to make you more careful in the future.

[Anonymous]

Also want to add that unless you have a kid with a food allergy it’s hard to understand. My son went to a movie with a friend recently and the friend he could share his popcorn. My immediate concern was that the friend would be eating a peanut snack (peanut mms or snicker) and reach into the popcorn and “contaminate” it. As an allergy parent you are constantly worried and when you think you have a “safe” space that turns outs not to be it’s disappointing and scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

[Anonymous]

As mom to a kid who’s had peanuts before on numerous occasions and went into anaphylaxis on Halloween night, you can’t ever be 100% safe and sure. Learned that the hard way thinking my kid had no food allergies.

If you knew my kid had a previous anaphylactic reaction to a certain candy like Snickers and served it while my kid was at your house, I would not be comfortable at all with my kid coming back over. Especially after I told and explained to you how serious their reaction was. That shows me that you don’t have the bandwidth to have xyz number of kids over at one time to remember facts about each.

There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s just not everyone is able to handle the needs of others when balancing a full plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

+1
I do think it's irresponsible of you as a parent especially since you know about the allergy and the kids are good friends, but it's not something a parent should be angry with another parent about at that age.

Not another random parent, no. But a family friend who has known about her kid’s allergy for YEARS is someone she presumably (and with good reason) trusted to keep her kid safe. Probably feels somewhat betrayed by OP.

OP said she has her own problems. Get a grip. Her kid knew what to do.

If your problems make you incapable of safely hosting a child, don’t host.

Your naivete is going to bite you some day. You think your kid is perfectly safe whenever they are in a home not yours? Okay, lady.

No, I don’t think she’s perfectly safe even in my home. That’s not possible for any kid and certainly not for a kid with a serious allergy.

So I only leave her in the care of trusted adults. The kind who would be mortified if they made a mistake like this, not seeking an excuse.

That's the whole point. OP was trusted until she wasn't. Can happen to anyone. Telling people "Fine don't host!" Might make you feel good but it won't help.

NP. That’s not what happened. What happened is someone literally asked “what would make your kid feel safe in my home,” a parent whose kid has a nut allergy answered with clear instructions, and then the poster rudely said “that’s too much, we won’t invite you.”

THAT is the response that warrants a “fine, don’t host.” Any decent person would say, “That’s all good to know, and it will help me talk to the parents and make a plan for their kid to come over.” And that would warrant a “Thank you!”

No shit Sherlock. I said I wouldn't host with those rules no need to be like "fine!" Nobody actually does any of that anyway, that PP is trolling.

I’m not that poster and I do talk to parents ahead of time. I will very often send my daughter with her own food and snacks. I do drop off an epi-pen and make sure the host knows that she has it. We have a basic conversation and yes, no unlabeled food. The hosts usually ask questions and want more information and I’m happy to answer questions and feel great when they ask questions. I’m glad that 95% of the parents we talk to take it very seriously. Two parents (a married couple) have been deeply annoyed that we dared to send a wrapped brownie as an alternative to birthday cake because it was from a bakery and “was peanut free, we checked!!!” Which was great, except it is tree nuts my daughter is allergic to, and we told them that ahead of time when asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

THIS EXACTLY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he saw the candy, knew not to eat it, didn't eat it and went home to cry to Mommy that you had nuts in your house? This really happened?

The kid is 11. I could see mine making just an off handed comment like "yeah it was a ton of fun but I couldn't eat the candy during the movie because it had nuts in it". Not complaining or crying, just a comment because he was a little disappointed. Certainly not thinking I would make a big deal out of it.

If you've known them for years, I don't think they need to remind you of the allergy. But I don't think she should have reamed you out either. You said things have smoothed over now. So you can either choose to let this go or let it bother you to the point it impacts your friendship.

OPs friend should tell her kid that other people may have nuts in their homes. They don't have to throw out everything with nuts just because he's coming over. Wrapped candies that are clearly labeled such as "Snickers" are not a huge risk. OP didn't make a birthday cake with nuts, slice and serve it him. That would be different. But the kid needs to be aware that other people don't live in nut free homes.

+1 agree with this. I was worried this story was going to be more like the cake example where something was homemade and not obvious and the kind ate it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

So the doctor who visited Disneyworld, had a lengthy conversation with servers about her allergies, confirmed with them, then had an allergic reaction, administered her epi-pen and had paramedics on the scene, and then died of the allergy exposure was “acting like a toddler”?
https://www.cbsnews.com/newyork/news/disney-world-food-allergy-death-lawsuit-long-island-doctor/

Or did negligence from the people who were supposed to keep her safe—the staff who talked with her and confirmed about allergens—fail?

In OPs story the mom nor the kid never checked with her to confirm the allergens in the food. Analogy fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Closing a pool gate when toddlers are around is not the same thing as a bowl of wrapped candy bars, some of which contain nuts, to a group of 11 year olds!

Parents who think the world is responsible for their kid with nut allergies would be better never leaving their side.

The world? No. The adults who voluntarily take responsibility for our children knowing they have serious allergies? Absolutely.

And yes, serving a bowl of candy with nuts to a kid with allergies is exactly as irresponsible as leaving a pool gate open when you’ve got toddlers around. Maybe it will be fine! And maybe it really won’t. And either way you have a dead child in your house with no one to blame but yourself.

11 year olds are not the same as toddlers.

They are in the only way that matters for this story: they are children under your care.

If you can’t or don’t want to take responsibility for a kid with an allergy, say so. It’s not a moral failing. What is a moral failing is to blame the kid for your “goof”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This can’t be a true story when 11yos are involved. If true, your friend is way out of line. There are nuts in the world and an 11 yo is old enough to navigate that.

+1
I do think it's irresponsible of you as a parent especially since you know about the allergy and the kids are good friends, but it's not something a parent should be angry with another parent about at that age.

Not another random parent, no. But a family friend who has known about her kid’s allergy for YEARS is someone she presumably (and with good reason) trusted to keep her kid safe. Probably feels somewhat betrayed by OP.

OP said she has her own problems. Get a grip. Her kid knew what to do.

If your problems make you incapable of safely hosting a child, don’t host.

Your naivete is going to bite you some day. You think your kid is perfectly safe whenever they are in a home not yours? Okay, lady.

No, I don’t think she’s perfectly safe even in my home. That’s not possible for any kid and certainly not for a kid with a serious allergy.

So I only leave her in the care of trusted adults. The kind who would be mortified if they made a mistake like this, not seeking an excuse.

That's the whole point. OP was trusted until she wasn't. Can happen to anyone. Telling people "Fine don't host!" Might make you feel good but it won't help.

I disagree. If you’re taking responsibility for people’s kids, take that seriously. Same goes for closing pool gates, or any other normal response to a known hazard.

If you’re the kind of person who is horrified and mortified for one paragraph and in the second paragraph want to shift the blame to the eleven year old,
please do everyone a favor and don’t host.

You never know what can happen when you drop your kid off somewhere. Just keep rolling those dice.

DP but this is such a bizarre position to take. We’re talking about responsibility of a hosting adult, and you keep deflecting to the responsibility of the hosted child and their parents.

When people drop their kids off at your home do you make them aware of your flippant attitude with respect to their child’s safety?

“I hope Larla is still alive when you come back in a few hours, Jan. She’s not my responsibility and you’re really rolling the dice by leaving her with me!”