You created this and your children are entitled.
We never bring carry out home when we eat out without the kids and our kids are in elementary school. I cannot imagine high schoolers not knowing how to feed themselves or expecting me to feed them outside of doing groceries. I assume you have food at home. I assume your 17 year old gets lunch or dinner breaks at work. I assume she can make her own food when she gets home or worst case she could get in the car and pick something up for herself with some of the money that she makes. |
It shouldn’t be expected that they get carryout. That’s the issue. Who said there was no food at home? |
Pp you are replying to. I mention college because the significant majority of 17 year old kids of DCUM posters are heading to college. My kids are in 7th and 8th grades. On the rare occasions I actually head out to dinner without them, theres very little chance I’m actually cooking a dinner before I head out for a relaxing dinner out. I tell them the options they can make, which almost always includes leftovers and leave. If op’s kids wants to work that many hours then I find it hard to believe they weren’t provided breaks during which they could grab something to eat. |
I, too, was the most amazing perfect parent to high schoolers until I had them. |
This. I guess I don’t really understood. We never bring carry out back when we go on dates- not once. When the kids were younger, I made sure they had dinner for the babysitter to heat up, or they got pizza. Now that they are teens, if we go out, I make sure the frig is stocked, but they can easily make themselves grilled cheese, quesadillas, omelettes, eat leftovers. Your kids are even older and driving. As long as they know ahead of time you and spouse are going out to dinner, they can fix themselves something at home or grab their own takeout on the way home. Your kids are brats |
I haven’t read the many pages but my question is if you informed the 17 year old you’d be out and she’d be on her own for dinner. That’s what we have always done with our kids. I make sure there are either leftovers or ingredients to make something but give them notice that they’re on their own. |
Ooof some very spoiled children here who can’t think on their feet. Presumably OP has food in her freezer and fridge that her kid can heat up. This would be a non issue in my house.if my kid really wanted something they would door dash! Using their money. Most 17 year olds like being independent and doing things on their own anyway. |
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Some of you posters are raising kids who aren’t going to call you or visit you when you’re old. You should definitely plan on that - you have ample time and opportunity, and you have set the precedent that you are not responsible for your kids and therefore they are not responsible for you. And that anyone desiring family to think of them or their happiness beyond basic responsibility is a brat. Enjoy the old folks home, people. |
We don’t bring carry out home ever for our kids.
That said, if they’ve been at work for a long shift or a rehearsal or practice or have a tight window of free time between activities, I check in to see if they have a plan to eat and will offer to send food etc if they don’t have a lot of plan. Many times it’s don’t worry I’ve got it in their end. My attitude about this stuff is families help each other and we all look out for each other. That’s how I’d treat my spouse. If he is home late after a long day I’d ask if he’s eaten and probably offer to make him a plate or let him know what’s in the fridge as leftovers and he’d do the same. But this assumes a baseline of everyone is polite each other and no entitlement. |
this the only time we don't (at least offer) is when we invite him and he would rather sit at home vs going with us. But if we go out while DS is at work/practice/etc, we either text an offer or just bring something home and if he doesn't want it, DH or I eat it for lunch. |
Sorry I didn't read the posts....
There is no universe where my hard working school senior would come home from a long day of working, studying, or extracurriculars and have to figure out dinner for herself. Not saying she's "entitled" to carryout. If I got carryout, that would be my choice because I didn't want to cook something separate or I knew she loved a certain dish and wanted to treat her. Whether it's restaurant food, a dinner I made, something I heated up, whatever-- she would have dinner waiting for her. If on a rare occasion I couldn't get this done (for example, I have some health challenges) I would inform her ahead of time, like text her at work, and she would be understanding. But she would never come home to find no one had thought about her. But... families do things differently! |
What you did was perfectly reasonable. There was a kitchen full of food that she could have prepared in a few minutes (grilled cheese, ramen, pasta, omelette, pancakes/french toast). We went out last night too. My 17 year old made pancakes, my 16 year old made a frozen pizza. I have no idea what my 23 year old did for dinner. However, we have never brought them home food. We stopped preparing food when they hit the teen years. They like choosing whatever they want. |
If kids are busy with activities, a big schoolwork assignment, work etc and we are going out to grab something casual I offer to bring food back.
If we are going out somewhere special for a date night they fend for themselves. If they are free and invited out but don’t want to come they can stay home and fend for themselves. That said I don’t think fending for oneself is a punishment in our family. If our teenager would prefer to lay in bed and watch a movie instead of come to dinner it’s also nbd for them to go down to the kitchen for snacks. If they would have come but are crazy busy I offer to grab something just to be nice |
I feel like if someone had written this letter about their spouse working late and they'd gone out with their friends and the spouse had asked the poster to grab some carryout people would tell the poster to do it. Being nice to someone who's been working seems like extremely normal thing to do. |