Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.

Or her dh can just grow up and deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to ask his doctor about putting him on a GLP 1 medicine. Life changing

Did you read the OP?

Also, I don’t think he would qualify. Don’t you have to have some kind of medical problem to be prescribed those?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.

Or her dh can just grow up and deal.

That still won’t make OP have any friends or do any better at work or have good relationships with her kids.

Or do you think that she talks like this to her DH, but she manages to be empathic when her daughter doesn’t make the soccer team?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.

Or her dh can just grow up and deal.

That still won’t make OP have any friends or do any better at work or have good relationships with her kids.

Or do you think that she talks like this to her DH, but she manages to be empathic when her daughter doesn’t make the soccer team?

I don’t know I’m not making up stories in my head.

[Anonymous]

How did you think that was going to land when you brought it up, OP?

If you two get divorced, I will happily marry your physician husband with a pot belly. His weight won’t bother me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.

Or her dh can just grow up and deal.

Exactly. The therapy should be for DH learning to be more stoic and less histrionic about a basic health issue

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did you think that was going to land when you brought it up, OP?

If you two get divorced, I will happily marry your physician husband with a pot belly. His weight won’t bother me at all.

Too bad for you- no one wants a beggar anyway...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of these women need 360 view mirros.tbrought their houses so they can have a reality check on what they look like before judging someones else looks especially their DHs. Some ya with ugly faces don't think that makeup is masking your ugly facial features.

In general women are much more aware of how they look and men are much more clueless and delusional. This has been found in study after study- men rank themselves much higher in attractiveness than they really are. A lot of them have never even once thought of their body from an outside perspective, whereas women are taught to think of themselves in terms of "how do I appeal to others?" since puberty

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.

Or her dh can just grow up and deal.

Exactly. The therapy should be for DH learning to be more stoic and less histrionic about a basic health issue

It is the pouting for me. I can understand a man who may be upset or hurt at first, but pouting and generally making their lives miserable about it is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.

Or her dh can just grow up and deal.

That still won’t make OP have any friends or do any better at work or have good relationships with her kids.

Or do you think that she talks like this to her DH, but she manages to be empathic when her daughter doesn’t make the soccer team?

I don’t know I’m not making up stories in my head.

I’m not making up stories. She is totally clueless. She was demeaning to someone she loves and has no idea why they got upset about it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s her husband’s weight or her son being rejected by his girlfriend. She has no idea how to talk about sensitive subjects.

This is why she has no friends of her own when she goes to parties and can’t deal with her husband having a “hangdog look.”
It’s also why she can’t divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these women need 360 view mirros.tbrought their houses so they can have a reality check on what they look like before judging someones else looks especially their DHs. Some ya with ugly faces don't think that makeup is masking your ugly facial features.

In general women are much more aware of how they look and men are much more clueless and delusional. This has been found in study after study- men rank themselves much higher in attractiveness than they really are. A lot of them have never even once thought of their body from an outside perspective, whereas women are taught to think of themselves in terms of "how do I appeal to others?" since puberty

Maybe it used to be true. Today I doubt it. Every woman thinks she is gorgeous, attractive and often aim for much higher caliber men. Hey good for women..women today are more comfortable being alone if they don't have that perfect guy. An obese woman will not settle for another obese man..she thinks she deserves a much more attractive man..again good for her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of these women need 360 view mirros.tbrought their houses so they can have a reality check on what they look like before judging someones else looks especially their DHs. Some ya with ugly faces don't think that makeup is masking your ugly facial features.

In general women are much more aware of how they look and men are much more clueless and delusional. This has been found in study after study- men rank themselves much higher in attractiveness than they really are. A lot of them have never even once thought of their body from an outside perspective, whereas women are taught to think of themselves in terms of "how do I appeal to others?" since puberty

Maybe it used to be true. Today I doubt it. Every woman thinks she is gorgeous, attractive and often aim for much higher caliber men. Hey good for women..women today are more comfortable being alone if they don't have that perfect guy. An obese woman will not settle for another obese man..she thinks she deserves a much more attractive man..again good for her

Nope, the statistics show men still have a much more inflated view of themselves than women do. Most men have never in their lives even considered whether their wife or gf would be attracted to them

[Anonymous]

OP here.
I agree with you all that I have been insensitive and unkind. To be frank, I have been hinting and doing diets with him for years, but he thinks he’s fine. He gets incredibly angry at the slightest mention of losing weight so I finally got really blunt. It is impacting our sex life. It is also impacting my respect for him. I don’t like that about myself but it’s true. He’s fit but has a stomach that looks 9 months pregnant from the side. I hate it. He thinks he’s fine and doesn’t see it. Tells me he’s in good shape.
Also, I have a well paying job. I am thin and in shape but not ridiculously so. I have a good friend group. Our marriage is really solid other than this issue. It’s why I thought I could be so frank with him which wasn’t my best moment obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Yep, you care more about yourself and whether your needs are met than about him. He doesn't buy the thin excuse that you are concerned for his health.

This is a bizarre take.

How is acknowledging reality so offensive? It’s not “an excuse” that a 9 months pregnant belly is unattractive on a man.

It's also a fact and bordering on a cliche that this kind of weight gain is linked to heart attacks.

Yet, it’s selfish to notice the guy she married is obese. Mkay sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
I agree with you all that I have been insensitive and unkind. To be frank, I have been hinting and doing diets with him for years, but he thinks he’s fine. He gets incredibly angry at the slightest mention of losing weight so I finally got really blunt. It is impacting our sex life. It is also impacting my respect for him. I don’t like that about myself but it’s true. He’s fit but has a stomach that looks 9 months pregnant from the side. I hate it. He thinks he’s fine and doesn’t see it. Tells me he’s in good shape.
Also, I have a well paying job. I am thin and in shape but not ridiculously so. I have a good friend group. Our marriage is really solid other than this issue. It’s why I thought I could be so frank with him which wasn’t my best moment obviously.

You did nothing wrong OP and there is truly no need to feel bad. Most of the men flaming you on here are probably fat and complacent themselves, and cannot stand to have a woman expressing a preference, even though almost all women have the same one. Ignore them.