Told my DH to lose weight, it’s affecting everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

What do you look like, OP?

You never mentioned if you struggle with weight, too?

I'm not trying to be snarky, I'm genuinely curious because I have some things you can say to him (based on your answer) that may help torn the tide in your favor. 😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been married 20 years. DH has always struggled with weight due to short stature and genetics. He works out daily, but doesn’t eat great. He’s solid muscle except for a big belly and weight on his face. He’s a physician and works long hours.
I’ve encouraged him to talk to his doctor and get his T checked, which came back fine. I’ve hinted he might want to get on wegovy. He is furious with me and also really hurt. His self esteem is low and he says I’m embarrassed by him.
I know I should be a good person and let it go but I am frustrated by this. First, he has a huge stomach and that’s a big red flag for heart attacks. I worry. Family history of stroke too. Second, it does impact him at both work and socially. He gets discounted or overlooked or dismissed. It’s so sad, but I do think people respect you more if you’re thin. Lastly; it is affecting our sex life. I know I need to adjust how I think, but I’m turned off by the big belly. When he eats food falls on it and sits there. When he’s hugging me his stomach is in the way.
Such petty things for me to worry about. But I mentioned some of this (the health and social impact) and he was FURIOUS with me. Now he’s pulled away emotionally and is saying I’m embarrassed by him. To the point that when we’re at social events he hangs back behind me with a hound dog look and doesn’t engage with people he used to talk to. Which makes me sad but also angry. So I’ve hurt him and been selfish and I guess I should have just kept quiet. How do I fix this??

You sound incredibly insecure. Therapy might help you gain more confidence in yourself so you don’t project on your partner.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to ask his doctor about putting him on a GLP 1 medicine. Life changing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are embarrassed by him. Hence this post. And as you say, sex is an issue.

Don’t be shocked when he chooses to move on. As a physician he can pretty easily find someone new — probably younger—who looks up to him. And when that happens he is going to feel like someone dying in the desert who has finally found water. And you will be served with divorce papers.

Mark my words.

She’ll walk off with half their assets and find a hotter guy.

She'll be able to pick up an STD easy.

So will he.

Just FYI there were STDs around 20 years ago that people can and did bring into their marriages. STDs are nothing new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

+1 million

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Melania, we keep telling you. Just go. Don't look back.

She did. She’s in NY and hubby is home with Laura Loomer staying overnight.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it.

My boyfriend's stomach has gotten bigger and it makes sex not as good. yes I'm less attracted but it's more than that. Him on top doesn't work. His belly presses down on me in a way that is almost painful. So I have to go on top. It makes me not want to have sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

Exactly. Especially with female sexuality, which is inherently more fragile than male sexuality. There is just literally no way to be sexually turned on by a blob of a man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow if so many of us married men regular gym attendees moderate to non drinkers diet conscious spoke this way about our wives wow.

There are a lot us. A lot of DWs are not only overweight but a few are obese. But if course women have a repertoire of excuses they can cling on to. It's a minefield for a lot married men. If your wife is fat just shut your mouth.

As a woman who has stayed in shape and had taken great care of herself into middle age, I say this—

If you had to deal with an iota of the hormones that women have to deal with through the course of their life, you’d be in a puddle crying. Pregnancy weight gain and hormonal weight gain are no joke. Not to mention breast-feeding, weaning, weekly shifts due to hormones, and perimenopause. Then there is also bloating, G.I. issues, breast, pain, and a bunch of fun stuff.

My OB told me to gain more weight in my final month of pregnancy because I hadn’t gained much. Guess what? It took me a year and a half to lose that last 7 pounds. And the first round required pure starvation— like eating disorder levels. This was despite working out before, during, and after my pregnancy (and watching my calories). And I’m short so it’s not an insignificant amount on my frame.

And come on we all know it’s easier for men to lose weight. I’m not saying OP could not have been more delicate and what she said, but laying out some facts.

So kindly shut the F up.

Oh, and gotta get all snatched and cute all while bleeding and healing from pushing out a whole human. So F off

Well said.

[Anonymous]

Some of these women need 360 view mirros.tbrought their houses so they can have a reality check on what they look like before judging someones else looks especially their DHs. Some ya with ugly faces don't think that makeup is masking your ugly facial features.

[Anonymous]

I know how he can drop over 100 lbs likely.

He needs to drop you. You need tonmove on and find someone new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow if so many of us married men regular gym attendees moderate to non drinkers diet conscious spoke this way about our wives wow.

There are a lot us. A lot of DWs are not only overweight but a few are obese. But if course women have a repertoire of excuses they can cling on to. It's a minefield for a lot married men. If your wife is fat just shut your mouth.

As a woman who has stayed in shape and had taken great care of herself into middle age, I say this—

If you had to deal with an iota of the hormones that women have to deal with through the course of their life, you’d be in a puddle crying. Pregnancy weight gain and hormonal weight gain are no joke. Not to mention breast-feeding, weaning, weekly shifts due to hormones, and perimenopause. Then there is also bloating, G.I. issues, breast, pain, and a bunch of fun stuff.

My OB told me to gain more weight in my final month of pregnancy because I hadn’t gained much. Guess what? It took me a year and a half to lose that last 7 pounds. And the first round required pure starvation— like eating disorder levels. This was despite working out before, during, and after my pregnancy (and watching my calories). And I’m short so it’s not an insignificant amount on my frame.

And come on we all know it’s easier for men to lose weight. I’m not saying OP could not have been more delicate and what she said, but laying out some facts.

So kindly shut the F up.

Oh, and gotta get all snatched and cute all while bleeding and healing from pushing out a whole human. So F off

You just described a biological woman. Or were you trying to say something else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get it.

My boyfriend's stomach has gotten bigger and it makes sex not as good. yes I'm less attracted but it's more than that. Him on top doesn't work. His belly presses down on me in a way that is almost painful. So I have to go on top. It makes me not want to have sex.

My husband has lost almost 40 pounds over the last year or so, almost down to his wedding weight. He’s also much fitter so when he’s on top he can really control how much weight is on me. It’s wonderful! And when I’m on top he looks great.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’d like to just accept him as he is and move on. But our sex life is dead. And that really matters to me.

Go to therapy and do the work. Stop starving yourself and complaining that you are hungry.

I hope he's getting all the action he can handle from the nurses.

We need to stop telling women, or men for that matter, to go to therapy for not being attracted to an overweight partner. This HAS to stop. Not being attracted to an overweight, unhealthy person is not a mental illness that needs fixing. Evolution does not want us to be attracted to unhealthy people. It’s natural to not want that.

I think the therapy would need to be about why OP is pushing away everyone. Many men have chimed in here saying that their wives said something similar in a way that managed to still communicate that they were loved.

OP seems not to understand why her husband is hurt. I’m going to guess that this is something that has come up with her in other contexts, where she has no idea why she pissed off people around her.

Even if she cannot salvage her marriage, it would be useful for her to figure out why she pushes away people she loves and has to make everyone feel inferior.