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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband has a female business partner, and I am uncomfortable by the amount of communication they have and how much personal information is shared.

Every single day, the two of them have a one-on-one meeting for an hour where they just have coffee, discuss what they did the night before, chat about personal things (“Oh, did you do yoga on the beach when you were on vacation?”, “If you could eat one thing forever, what would it be?”, “what’s your middle name?”), and laugh.

After that, they are in near constant contact from 9 am to 7 pm. She calls him around 7 times a day. They chat on Slack when they’re not on the phone. They call each other before meetings to plan, call after meetings to discuss how it went, and any questions she may have during the day, she calls him. It’s never less than 30 minutes.

Now, she’s pregnant. She told him when she was about 6-7 weeks, which is way early for work. He’s been mentioning things like, “Oh, She came to the meeting today but she was so nauseous” or I’ll overhear her whining to him about how nauseous she feels or how unwell she feels.

I have talked to him numerous times about how the excessive communication makes me feel like he does nothing but spend his days giggling and flirting with her. If there’s a question, I think email or slack is appropriate. It doesn’t need to be an hour long phone call. If you need to plan meetings, do it during your hour long morning call when you do nothing but just chat about your lives and how much you have in common. The pregnancy stuff is really throwing me off too— that’s stuff I would never, ever share with a boss or coworker; I’d text my husband if I was feeling morning sickness.

I am preparing to talk to him about it again today because I’ve gotten to the point where it deeply bothers me. His response is always that he’s doing nothing wrong except running a business and if I have a problem with the way he’s doing it, THAT is a problem.

Any advice? Am I overreacting?

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I own a business and I'm a bit like this with my male partner (I'm a woman). He & I travel together and will sight-see, hang out, etc. I also have a woman operations manager and she & I talk/text/Slack alllll day long. It's just a way of getting social interaction. It's also really fun & exciting to build a business, I love talking about it, and it's not really something I can talk about with H - he doesn't really get it (just like I don't get his line of work, so he talks a lot with his coworkers, both male and female).

That being said, H and I put a LOT of effort into our relationship, and daily coffee dates with another person wouldn't sit well with either of us. Maybe 1-2 times a week is okay, but we'd instead try to have coffee dates with each other.

I also don't believe women should be quiet, secure, "cool", or whatever.

In the past when H and I have had issues around his communication with other women, I realized it wasn't necessarily the communication itself that bothered me - it was that their communication was on a deeper level than the communication he and I had (if that makes sense). As an example, he had a woman friend who he would compliment on her brain, personality, the connection they had, etc - NOT even her looks or anything sexual - but it bothered me because he never complimented me in that way.

So even though I know he loves me, it felt like this woman was special to him in ways that I wasn't. We had many, many, MANY long discussions about it and he now puts in the effort to appreciate me for who I am beyond just wife & mom, and to make me feel special. I hope that makes sense.

I think if you approach it as "H, you CANNOT do this anymore", you're not going to get anywhere. I'd have an open, vulnerable conversation with him - that you miss him, you feel unattractive, you feel like he doesn't care about you anymore, etc. Make it more about the state of your relationship rather than just telling him what he can and can't do. I wouldn't like if my H tried to tell me I was no longer allowed to travel with y partner, but I'd absolutely listen if he expressed feeling insecure and worried, and I would do everything I could to reassure him and build our relationship up.
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You don’t believe women should be secure? That’s so weird. Everyone should be secure. [/quote]

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