Do I need to lower my expectations ( dating)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. What should I roll back my expectations on? I don’t want to be dating for verbal more years because I’m too picky. What I’m doing is obviously not working. I came on here for realistic feedback.

Here’s some advice, you should be okay with finding a guy making 100-150k especially if he’s younger than 35. Yeah you might need to work more than you’d like but your 180k + his income should be fine to live a good life. You might have a few tight years if you take time off for kids but that’s your own decision. Find a guy with potential and he might make half a mil by his 40’s. Stop trying to find a dude making that much at such a young age because it’s not realistic.

OP here. I can do that. My lowest base range is 80k.

I’m not money obsessed but I’ve struggled. I know what it’s like to grow up poor and lower middle class. I didn’t go to a great public school, my parents didn’t have money for extracurricular activities or to fund school sports. I paid for school and my home on my own. I lived on a very strict budget for my early twenties. I just want better for my future kids. I want to provide them with opportunities I wasn’t able to have.

My DH grew up poor. Our affluent children don't care much about all the extras he wants to provide them because they lack envy and have no FOMO. You may also learn that a lot of middle class extracurriculars are money wasters and there are low cost alternatives.

The best thing you can provide to kids is a 100% rock solid marriage between parents and there are simply no guarantees there. Be very careful about hyperfocusing on providing "all the things" you didn't have.

Bingo, well said!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. I’m an ideal world I would work PT or quit to care for my future children until they’re in school. My husband would need to make enough in this economy. Money doesn’t go that far anymore and $100k is the new middle class income. I want a nice home in a good area, private school, and the ability to find an extracurricular activities my kids would want to do. All that takes a certain level of income.

I look forward to seeing you on here in ten years asking if you should go ahead and have a baby on your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. I’m an ideal world I would work PT or quit to care for my future children until they’re in school. My husband would need to make enough in this economy. Money doesn’t go that far anymore and $100k is the new middle class income. I want a nice home in a good area, private school, and the ability to find an extracurricular activities my kids would want to do. All that takes a certain level of income.

I look forward to seeing you on here in ten years asking if you should go ahead and have a baby on your own.

Are you this much of a jerk in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

BMI for 5’2 female is 106-130. 105 is underweight for her height. OP is fine at 118.

105 is not underweight, it's thin. OP is absolutely fine at 118, but she's not "thin". That's my point. 106, 107 and 108 would all also still be thin. 118 is not thin. People should stop kidding themselves and just be honest.

She's a shorty and that is what it is but it also doesn't help her stand out and differentiate her.

Getting back to the task at hand - I would look into interest groups or clubs associated with gardening, running/fitness, travel or the like. Church or religion groups would be another possibility if that's part of your background/upbringing.

BMI says 106 - 130. 105 is technically underweight.

I don’t understand why you feel the need to bag on OP. It’s not like she’s 150 expecting a super fit man. She’s a normal size for her frame and she shouldn’t be shamed for it.

Nope, sorry - wrong. You've got a bad reference.

102 to 136 would be the range for 5'2'' (BMI 18.5-24.9)

See:

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

and

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmi_tbl.htm

This is not a "bag" on OP but words have meanings. At one time "thin" actually meant something - now it seems that we're all out of calibration and easily kid ourselves about what is "thin".

Again 118 is fine, but it's not thin.

You are a freak with your insane weight obsession. Why does this listserve attract the crazies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. I’m an ideal world I would work PT or quit to care for my future children until they’re in school. My husband would need to make enough in this economy. Money doesn’t go that far anymore and $100k is the new middle class income. I want a nice home in a good area, private school, and the ability to find an extracurricular activities my kids would want to do. All that takes a certain level of income.

I look forward to seeing you on here in ten years asking if you should go ahead and have a baby on your own.

Are you this much of a jerk in real life?

Guess you’ll never know.

[Anonymous]

NO.

Please, please do not lower your standards. Stand firm on your desires and walk away from any man who can’t or won’t meet them. None of the people telling you to lower your standards will be stuck in the bad marriage alongside you.

Life gets a lot worse than being single and looking. Being unhappily married can make you wake up each morning disappointed that you didn’t die in your sleep. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP. My DH makes less than me, always has. We met in college. My age group is hitting the divorce zone. There are no guarantees. Go for someone with the right personality who will be a good dad if you want kids. It's sexist to insist that your partner make equal or more money. What you want is someone who shares your values and will be a good partner. Many high-powered men have wives who are public school teachers. Would you flip that script? Why/why not?

OP here. I’m an ideal world I would work PT or quit to care for my future children until they’re in school. My husband would need to make enough in this economy. Money doesn’t go that far anymore and $100k is the new middle class income. I want a nice home in a good area, private school, and the ability to find an extracurricular activities my kids would want to do. All that takes a certain level of income.

I look forward to seeing you on here in ten years asking if you should go ahead and have a baby on your own.

Are you this much of a jerk in real life?

Guess you’ll never know.

NP. We already know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

Agreed. OP, get thinner and hotter. You need to lose 15 lbs. to attract the type of high-earning finance or tech bro you are wanting. Visit the Naderi Center for a rhinoplasty and probably some kind of bleph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

OP here. 118lbs is thin. I have breasts and curves. I’m not a stick.

I’m not tall but that has never been an issue. Lots of men I’ve dated and have spoken to love shorter women.

Oh, and I don’t date men over 6ft. I can’t do that a large level of height difference. Weird..I know.

You are not thin.

Good news is, you're not overweight, either. I'm sure you have an attractive figure but you are not thin.

Here's the problem, not just you either, nobody seems to know what thin is anymore - society is so "plump" these days and almost everyone is out of "calibration".

At 5'2'', you need to down at 105 to be able to call yourself thin.

And 5'2'' is short. Not as big of a deal for a woman as it is for a man, but if you are trying to land a bigger fish, as they say, "tall and thin, for the win!"

BMI for 5’2 female is 106-130. 105 is underweight for her height. OP is fine at 118.

105 is not underweight, it's thin. OP is absolutely fine at 118, but she's not "thin". That's my point. 106, 107 and 108 would all also still be thin. 118 is not thin. People should stop kidding themselves and just be honest.

She's a shorty and that is what it is but it also doesn't help her stand out and differentiate her.

Getting back to the task at hand - I would look into interest groups or clubs associated with gardening, running/fitness, travel or the like. Church or religion groups would be another possibility if that's part of your background/upbringing.

BMI says 106 - 130. 105 is technically underweight.

I don’t understand why you feel the need to bag on OP. It’s not like she’s 150 expecting a super fit man. She’s a normal size for her frame and she shouldn’t be shamed for it.

Nope, sorry - wrong. You've got a bad reference.

102 to 136 would be the range for 5'2'' (BMI 18.5-24.9)

See:

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmicalc.htm

and

https://www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/educational/lose_wt/BMI/bmi_tbl.htm

This is not a "bag" on OP but words have meanings. At one time "thin" actually meant something - now it seems that we're all out of calibration and easily kid ourselves about what is "thin".

Again 118 is fine, but it's not thin.

You are a freak with your insane weight obsession. Why does this listserve attract the crazies?

Why are you so sensitive and triggered about the word "thin"?

Either words have meaning or we live in the shrouded ambiguous fog of a gaslit existence...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

Agreed. OP, get thinner and hotter. You need to lose 15 lbs. to attract the type of high-earning finance or tech bro you are wanting. Visit the Naderi Center for a rhinoplasty and probably some kind of bleph.

NP. Omfg I just googled Naderi Center and his work is amazing. I’ve been looking for the right doctor to fix my deviated septum and I think he’s the one! Thanks for posting, even if you meant it snarkily.

[Anonymous]

Guy was 30 when I met my 27yo wife. Here is the honest truth.

Don’t care about your salary, don’t care about your earning potential, don’t care about your career aspirations, don’t CC are that you own your own home. And if you need to tell me you are accomplished you aren’t accomplished.

Do care about are you a good person, are you comfortable in your own skin where are now in life, do you latch on to or engage in drama, are you attractive to me, do you watch bravo for meaningless background or because you genuinely have interest, do you want to explore with me, if your first reaction is one of logic and reason or straight emotion, are you going to respect our relationship and our roles in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lower your age requirements. Look for a guy who lives alone and is willing to make a decision on marriage within 1 year. Plus no kids, never married. Older guy pool may be too small.

Roommates shouldn't be a deal breaker. They are economically efficient.

Agree with this. OP’s asks are all very reasonable except the living along part. Successfully living with roommates is actually a good sign of being economically efficient and able to get along with people, which are important traits in a good partner.

She doesn't want economically efficient. She said she wants someone rich so she can be a PTA mom.

OP here. I don’t expect a rich guy either. I make 180k.

Did you grow up in the DMV?

You have an 85th%ile household income just by yourself. If you marry someone witg the same income, you'd be north of 95%.

Basically what you are saying is that you want to spend your young family years married to a guy who is actually pulling in a rich guy's salary.

Unless you both save and you're willing to live a more middle class existence over time as you leave and re-enter the job market.

You seem to have plenty of time to keep dating and experimenting with parameters like age but if you are laying your cards about all your expectations on the table during first and second dates, that may be a problem. Guys don't want to feel like they are being pre-qualified. Even if they are looking for a wife.

I recommend you spend some time on DCUM reading threads about very rich unhappy people and their terrible marriages. Lots of cautionary tale material. Alpha males are cheating targets. High-paying jobs can be soul-crushing.

OP here. I’m from a smaller Midwest town. I grew up poor to lower middle class.

This is likely your problem. Did you attend a top university? I was going to say that you should meet family friends or friends of friends. If your friends are LMC, you won’t be finding what you are looking for.

I grew up poor and so did DH. We are both children of immigrants and met in grad school. We now have a seven figure income.

I’m not sure if an UMC would want you unless you are beautiful and have more than just a good job. You may just be an average cute white girl.

OP here. I will be honest that I don’t know what UMC or LMC is. I moved to VA in 2021. I have a DNP from a private school in the Midwest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:32DD distance runner without a reduction surgery. Yeah. Sure.

OP here. It’s called two supportive sports bras. I like running. It’s therapeutic, clears my mind, and gives me a good runners high.

I’m sure there are many big chested women who run. It’s not all A cup women on the trails.

I am a 32H and love running. They are boobs, they are there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Smells like a troll, but OK

Do you have the face or body to earn that sugar daddy?
Are you Instagram fitness model caliber or nah?

OP here. I’m not a troll. I’m just a woman who has my stuff together and wants a man with the same.

I’m not super hot but I’m cute. Definitely girl next door type cute. I have a nice body and take care of myself. I eat well, workout 5-6 days a week, and I take care of my skin.

Im 5’2”, 118lbs, and nice curves. Dark blonde/light brown hair, dark blue eyes, and fair-skinned.

You are not tall and thin enough... gonna need to calibrate on the self-evaluated "cute" -- what famous person/actress do you look like?

You may be more realistically headed toward public schools and continuing to work... which is PERFECTLY fine, so don't bash it.

Agreed. OP, get thinner and hotter. You need to lose 15 lbs. to attract the type of high-earning finance or tech bro you are wanting. Visit the Naderi Center for a rhinoplasty and probably some kind of bleph.

NP. Omfg I just googled Naderi Center and his work is amazing. I’ve been looking for the right doctor to fix my deviated septum and I think he’s the one! Thanks for posting, even if you meant it snarkily.

OP here. I don’t have a big nose guy okay lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’m done with this site. I thought I would get valuable insight, instead I’ve even called a troll and lots of rude comments shimmy weight and height. Clearly this site is full of misogynistic men and women who love body shaming people.

Don’t engage them, op. You have to ignore the idiots and move on. Much like dating!