37 single, want a baby, make about 95k a year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to find a partner with the same values and goals

This. Don’t take shortcuts. You can do this.

She is almost out of time
If she couldn’t find anyone until now why would she now?

They can adopt or use reproductive technology. The key is to try to have children grow up in a stable 2 parent household if possible

You are offering the woman to inflict significant physical discomfort on herself or let go of the hope to have a bio child? Hmmm

Get your meds straight.

Haha how many did you adopt despite being able to have bio kids? lol

How many single moms are you helping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Try to find a partner with the same values and goals

This. Don’t take shortcuts. You can do this.

She is almost out of time
If she couldn’t find anyone until now why would she now?

They can adopt or use reproductive technology. The key is to try to have children grow up in a stable 2 parent household if possible

You are offering the woman to inflict significant physical discomfort on herself or let go of the hope to have a bio child? Hmmm

Get your meds straight.

Haha how many did you adopt despite being able to have bio kids? lol

And the relevance to that question is what? What does that have to do with the topic?
Again, Get your meds straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford childcare? Do you have a support system in place to help? Do you have adequate leave banked at work so that you can take off when the child is sick?

The support system should be the father.

Surely, you can comprehend that there are other support systems for raising children like grandparents and aunts and uncles, etc.? And that likewise, not all husbands function well as either support systems or fathers? Why do you think so many people get divorced?

You’re suggesting that because some fathers may not function well, op doesn’t need one.
Btw, some mothers don’t function well.
You’re already putting the child at a disadvantage because of other “fathers and husbands.”

No, I’m not suggesting that at all. OP didn’t find a great man and she’s 37 and she earns enough money and wants to be a mom. It’s basically now or never. I’m suggesting that OP should go ahead and make her dream to be a mom come true and that she doesn’t need a man to do it. Would it be better to have a great husband on this road to parenthood? Of course! But that didn’t happen yet and she doesn’t have much time to waste looking for one. Maybe she can give it another year or two, but chances are she’ll just get desperate and choose a not so great guy because of it. She’s much better off doing it alone.

What I don’t think she should do is accept your ridiculous view that she must have a man to be a mom and that because she doesn’t have one, should resign her life to being a spinster with cats or dogs or whatever it is you think people unlucky in love must do instead of having children.

And I also think she’s far more likely to find a decent man down the road when she’s not desperate.

What you are suggesting is not what is best for a child.
The derogatory name you call single women is so sexist and offensive. Not all “spinsters” have lives revolves around having cats or dogs.
What a way to put women down! Sexist ass

Lol, please stop feigning moral outrage at an archaic term when you are the one with an archaic mentality.

You don’t know what’s best for another soul, I’d rather be born to a middle class, single mom by choice than to not exist at all. Life is a gift. Having a stable, loving mother is a huge gift. I actually know several children who were born and raised by single moms by choice. They are all happy and well adjusted adults. Who are you to say they shouldn’t have been born or what was best for them? Please shut up.

Why did you use an archaic term that is insulting to women who aren’t married? And then to further insult them by insinuating they are cat women and dog women.
You shut up.
Don’t try to wiggle your way out.

I used that term to reflect PP’s attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford childcare? Do you have a support system in place to help? Do you have adequate leave banked at work so that you can take off when the child is sick?

The support system should be the father.

Surely, you can comprehend that there are other support systems for raising children like grandparents and aunts and uncles, etc.? And that likewise, not all husbands function well as either support systems or fathers? Why do you think so many people get divorced?

You’re suggesting that because some fathers may not function well, op doesn’t need one.
Btw, some mothers don’t function well.
You’re already putting the child at a disadvantage because of other “fathers and husbands.”

No, I’m not suggesting that at all. OP didn’t find a great man and she’s 37 and she earns enough money and wants to be a mom. It’s basically now or never. I’m suggesting that OP should go ahead and make her dream to be a mom come true and that she doesn’t need a man to do it. Would it be better to have a great husband on this road to parenthood? Of course! But that didn’t happen yet and she doesn’t have much time to waste looking for one. Maybe she can give it another year or two, but chances are she’ll just get desperate and choose a not so great guy because of it. She’s much better off doing it alone.

What I don’t think she should do is accept your ridiculous view that she must have a man to be a mom and that because she doesn’t have one, should resign her life to being a spinster with cats or dogs or whatever it is you think people unlucky in love must do instead of having children.

And I also think she’s far more likely to find a decent man down the road when she’s not desperate.

What you are suggesting is not what is best for a child.
The derogatory name you call single women is so sexist and offensive. Not all “spinsters” have lives revolves around having cats or dogs.
What a way to put women down! Sexist ass

Lol, please stop feigning moral outrage at an archaic term when you are the one with an archaic mentality.

You don’t know what’s best for another soul, I’d rather be born to a middle class, single mom by choice than to not exist at all. Life is a gift. Having a stable, loving mother is a huge gift. I actually know several children who were born and raised by single moms by choice. They are all happy and well adjusted adults. Who are you to say they shouldn’t have been born or what was best for them? Please shut up.

Why did you use an archaic term that is insulting to women who aren’t married? And then to further insult them by insinuating they are cat women and dog women.
You shut up.
Don’t try to wiggle your way out.

I used that term to reflect PP’s attitude.

No, you did not at all. You’re trying to backtrack. And you’re making yourself more guilty by excusing it; it is not okay if for that reason. You’ve cemented that you are a sexist jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is it a baby that you specifically want or a child? I ask because a similarly situated friend of mine ended up fostering and then adopting her daughter. The baby years are the hardest in terms of care (babies obviously can't be left home alone), and they are very expensive generally out of necessity (i.e. diapers and childcare), whereas later years can be expensive by choice (i.e. private school, travel sports), but can also be more manageable by making different choices. I wish you luck with whatever you decide.

If I was OP I would adopt a 3 yo. Pre-k is free in DC; there are also almost free summer camps via dcpr and multiple sports to sign up via dcpr. Then enroll into a free public school. When her child is middle school aged, I would move to Montgomery county and pick a Magnet school . Pay for some tutorship for hard sciences to get into a good charter school. I also know poor families whose kids go to DC privates all on scholarships. Kids are strong in sports or had top grades when they applied.

I wouldn’t want to deal with a baby and uncertainty of having a child with SN/unpredictable when it’s your own child.

Also, OP might want only look into having a girl. Girls are more connected to parents through life, better chances of having grand kids, and they are less aggressive when teenagers. Adolescent sons often have the period of denial against their mothers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford childcare? Do you have a support system in place to help? Do you have adequate leave banked at work so that you can take off when the child is sick?

The support system should be the father.

Surely, you can comprehend that there are other support systems for raising children like grandparents and aunts and uncles, etc.? And that likewise, not all husbands function well as either support systems or fathers? Why do you think so many people get divorced?

You’re suggesting that because some fathers may not function well, op doesn’t need one.
Btw, some mothers don’t function well.
You’re already putting the child at a disadvantage because of other “fathers and husbands.”

No, I’m not suggesting that at all. OP didn’t find a great man and she’s 37 and she earns enough money and wants to be a mom. It’s basically now or never. I’m suggesting that OP should go ahead and make her dream to be a mom come true and that she doesn’t need a man to do it. Would it be better to have a great husband on this road to parenthood? Of course! But that didn’t happen yet and she doesn’t have much time to waste looking for one. Maybe she can give it another year or two, but chances are she’ll just get desperate and choose a not so great guy because of it. She’s much better off doing it alone.

What I don’t think she should do is accept your ridiculous view that she must have a man to be a mom and that because she doesn’t have one, should resign her life to being a spinster with cats or dogs or whatever it is you think people unlucky in love must do instead of having children.

And I also think she’s far more likely to find a decent man down the road when she’s not desperate.

What you are suggesting is not what is best for a child.
The derogatory name you call single women is so sexist and offensive. Not all “spinsters” have lives revolves around having cats or dogs.
What a way to put women down! Sexist ass

Lol, please stop feigning moral outrage at an archaic term when you are the one with an archaic mentality.

You don’t know what’s best for another soul, I’d rather be born to a middle class, single mom by choice than to not exist at all. Life is a gift. Having a stable, loving mother is a huge gift. I actually know several children who were born and raised by single moms by choice. They are all happy and well adjusted adults. Who are you to say they shouldn’t have been born or what was best for them? Please shut up.

Why did you use an archaic term that is insulting to women who aren’t married? And then to further insult them by insinuating they are cat women and dog women.
You shut up.
Don’t try to wiggle your way out.

I used that term to reflect PP’s attitude.

I guess you’re going to say that you threw in the cats and dogs because the pp made you do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry but the baby stage is the pricey but it does not get easier. My two kids are in sports and activities that cost $10k a year. Think wisely. They might love expensive hobbies and are very happy doing them so yu should plan for that. Also, private schools. Then, we take world vacations at about $28k a year, and then there is college. My 17 yo can expect to amass a price tag of $180 - 200k in the next 4 years. Then there is clothes, food, and all of the other daily stuff. My teen got a $20k car for her birthday too. I am married and have an income double yours alone. And, we plan and budget accordingly. I would be very careful. I see a lot of single Mom's really struggling to provide everything.

You and your husband are being neglectful with your children. I make triple of what you do and our expenses are very high because we don't slum it up with 28k vacations. We make sure our children either travel first class or in a yacht. 10k for sports and activities is not enough if you want to get them personal trainers like we do. That's at least 30k. Oh, and there's no way my kids are driving 20k cars. Only used ones cost so little. Mine have a new BMW each.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford childcare? Do you have a support system in place to help? Do you have adequate leave banked at work so that you can take off when the child is sick?

The support system should be the father.

Surely, you can comprehend that there are other support systems for raising children like grandparents and aunts and uncles, etc.? And that likewise, not all husbands function well as either support systems or fathers? Why do you think so many people get divorced?

You’re suggesting that because some fathers may not function well, op doesn’t need one.
Btw, some mothers don’t function well.
You’re already putting the child at a disadvantage because of other “fathers and husbands.”

No, I’m not suggesting that at all. OP didn’t find a great man and she’s 37 and she earns enough money and wants to be a mom. It’s basically now or never. I’m suggesting that OP should go ahead and make her dream to be a mom come true and that she doesn’t need a man to do it. Would it be better to have a great husband on this road to parenthood? Of course! But that didn’t happen yet and she doesn’t have much time to waste looking for one. Maybe she can give it another year or two, but chances are she’ll just get desperate and choose a not so great guy because of it. She’s much better off doing it alone.

What I don’t think she should do is accept your ridiculous view that she must have a man to be a mom and that because she doesn’t have one, should resign her life to being a spinster with cats or dogs or whatever it is you think people unlucky in love must do instead of having children.

And I also think she’s far more likely to find a decent man down the road when she’s not desperate.

What you are suggesting is not what is best for a child.
The derogatory name you call single women is so sexist and offensive. Not all “spinsters” have lives revolves around having cats or dogs.
What a way to put women down! Sexist ass

Lol, please stop feigning moral outrage at an archaic term when you are the one with an archaic mentality.

You don’t know what’s best for another soul, I’d rather be born to a middle class, single mom by choice than to not exist at all. Life is a gift. Having a stable, loving mother is a huge gift. I actually know several children who were born and raised by single moms by choice. They are all happy and well adjusted adults. Who are you to say they shouldn’t have been born or what was best for them? Please shut up.

Why did you use an archaic term that is insulting to women who aren’t married? And then to further insult them by insinuating they are cat women and dog women.
You shut up.
Don’t try to wiggle your way out.

I used that term to reflect PP’s attitude.

No, you did not at all. You’re trying to backtrack. And you’re making yourself more guilty by excusing it; it is not okay if for that reason. You’ve cemented that you are a sexist jerk.

No, I’m not. I am a woman and I think OP should go ahead and become a single mom by choice. Reread my comment. I asked PP what he or she thought a single woman in OP’s position should do, I assumed his or her mentality and asked if she should be a spinster with cats or dogs. PP seems to think that OP must have a man or it’s unfair to child. I disagree.

I think OP should go and have a biological child because she wants to. I don’t think she needs to resign her life to bring childless. And I don’t think she needs to adopt or take in foster kids because it’s not fair to bring a child into the world without a dad. She’s got the agency to have her own biological child if that’s what she wants.

Again, I ask what do people like that think single women of a certain age should do?

It sounds to me like you think they should settle for not having a biological child on their terms. I strongly disagree. Stop mincing my words.

[Anonymous]

Get a sperm donor and have the baby OP. You can make do for the first 5 years, although with daycare payments it will be tight.

You will never regret having a child. Your life will be enriched. My sister is a single mom and her daughter is the light of her world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you afford childcare? Do you have a support system in place to help? Do you have adequate leave banked at work so that you can take off when the child is sick?

The support system should be the father.

Surely, you can comprehend that there are other support systems for raising children like grandparents and aunts and uncles, etc.? And that likewise, not all husbands function well as either support systems or fathers? Why do you think so many people get divorced?

You’re suggesting that because some fathers may not function well, op doesn’t need one.
Btw, some mothers don’t function well.
You’re already putting the child at a disadvantage because of other “fathers and husbands.”

No, I’m not suggesting that at all. OP didn’t find a great man and she’s 37 and she earns enough money and wants to be a mom. It’s basically now or never. I’m suggesting that OP should go ahead and make her dream to be a mom come true and that she doesn’t need a man to do it. Would it be better to have a great husband on this road to parenthood? Of course! But that didn’t happen yet and she doesn’t have much time to waste looking for one. Maybe she can give it another year or two, but chances are she’ll just get desperate and choose a not so great guy because of it. She’s much better off doing it alone.

What I don’t think she should do is accept your ridiculous view that she must have a man to be a mom and that because she doesn’t have one, should resign her life to being a spinster with cats or dogs or whatever it is you think people unlucky in love must do instead of having children.

And I also think she’s far more likely to find a decent man down the road when she’s not desperate.

What you are suggesting is not what is best for a child.
The derogatory name you call single women is so sexist and offensive. Not all “spinsters” have lives revolves around having cats or dogs.
What a way to put women down! Sexist ass

Lol, please stop feigning moral outrage at an archaic term when you are the one with an archaic mentality.

You don’t know what’s best for another soul, I’d rather be born to a middle class, single mom by choice than to not exist at all. Life is a gift. Having a stable, loving mother is a huge gift. I actually know several children who were born and raised by single moms by choice. They are all happy and well adjusted adults. Who are you to say they shouldn’t have been born or what was best for them? Please shut up.

Why did you use an archaic term that is insulting to women who aren’t married? And then to further insult them by insinuating they are cat women and dog women.
You shut up.
Don’t try to wiggle your way out.

I used that term to reflect PP’s attitude.

I guess you’re going to say that you threw in the cats and dogs because the pp made you do it.

Yes, I added in cats and dogs because they aren’t people. And are not a substitute for a child. OP has every right to become a human mother and experience pregnancy and every other element she wants is motherhood.

[Anonymous]

Good Lord people, stop squabbling.

OP I became a SMBC at 37. I've had a great experience, but this has been mitigated by support; both financial (my career was on track) and family (not local but very involved).

This is a very personal choice, but what we'd all agree on is that the cliche of it taking a village is true. Now, that village can look very different. It can be other parents, your own family, or a family you create. But planning carefully and underestimating the work required is your best bet.

Then, enjoy! Parenting, for me, has truly been a game changer. Life is so rich, fun, a little messy, but more meaningful by orders of magnitude. No parent on this board knows exactly what they're signing up for having a baby, including the married ones. We all learn on the job, to some degree. As long as you go into it with your eyes wide open and lots of love, it can be wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until there is a generation of men raised to treat women as equals in the home and workplace and to participate equally in all aspects of child-rearing and home management, many women won't have a choice but to set out on their own.

Yet, you need something from the man to make a baby.

Mansplaining genius here hasn't read the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Until there is a generation of men raised to treat women as equals in the home and workplace and to participate equally in all aspects of child-rearing and home management, many women won't have a choice but to set out on their own.

Yep more of this sexist drivel

Women still expect men to be the main breadwinners but also be half parent while they dont work

Again, did you even read the premise of the thread? Do you really think that women considering having a kid alone also expect the men they would have children with instead of alone, to be the sole breadwinner? It is peak misogyny and patriarchy to ascribe to women a dichotomy between those two aspirations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:35k 401k
150 equity
20k savings

Hell no. You are too poor. You will seriously struggle.

Typical DCUM brain rot. The median household income in DC is 101k. OPs 95k is within the average range. She's got more savings than the average person. You guys are really out of touch.

No, you’re out of touch. She will need to pay for way more care for that child with being single.

How do you think parents in a dual income household that comes up to 80k+ take care of their children. An organized person making 95k is perfectly capable of putting a kid and day care and raising them. The kid won't go to private schools, have expensive extracurriculars or international vacations, but most people outside DCUM don't grow with that either.

[Anonymous]

How does the sperm donor escape the "23 and Me" and similar tests? If they want to be anonymous, and mom-to-be wants him to be anonymous, is that even possible???