I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

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03/21/2024 14:39

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this. She's likely a narcissist or has some other controlling personality disorder and he's choosing to accommodate her rather than honor who he was and the other people in his life. Her insecurities will mean she's constantly testing him and he has to keep choosing her over other people and other interests.

Some people wise up, but it's after children and marriages have suffered. Some people live like this forever. I don't really know how to get someone "out of the fog" of such relationships. It is painful to watch.

GF has no control, he is moving back home.

https://www.overcomingenmeshment.com/books/

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03/21/2024 14:42

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

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Anonymous

Living and close knit family doesn't have to be meddling enmeshed family. Do you expect her to visit him here or rather date someone new in NY.

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03/21/2024 14:47

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

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Anonymous

*Loving and close

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03/21/2024 15:56

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are going to go through a big change when he graduates in spring. Is he looking for jobs, planning his career / what happens when he graduates? Planning to move back home or move in with her?

I would worry but make sure you keep the dialogue open. Be happy whenever he does spend time with you & get the message across that you are always here for him - do not set up a dynamic of “it’s her or me”, as he will obviously cut you off (just when he may need your support the most).

He plans to move back home for a year or two to save money. I keep the dialogue open and express my unconditional love for everything he does. I am always happy to see him, even if it means spending just an hour or two with me during a week-long visit. That is better than not seeing him at all. I also ensure that all my kids understand that, even when I do not agree with their decisions, I will always have their back.

Is this “move back home” thing you have for your kids cultural?

Why do you ask? Have you not read about the new trend of young adults moving back home to save money for their starter home?

No. 20s are for taking the best and hardest job you can earn, and learning as much as possible, then leveraging that into the next job or city. More choices is always good.

And many save their bonuses while living with roommates and can pay for grad school or a home once they earn their terminal degree, are married or know what area they want to be in for 5-7 years.

NP For Christ's sake. That position is in now way universal. Of course some people move home to save money. Some do as you suggest. There is no abnormality in either of these things.

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03/21/2024 16:15

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

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Anonymous

All depends on ratio of debt vs income.

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03/21/2024 23:36

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Any how problems in your original post doesn't require you to worry anymore because in two months, he'll be home in his childhood bedroom, no college life issues and no girlfriend issues. Everything would be back to normal and y'all can happily cook gourmet meals and watch late night television.

Lol

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03/21/2024 23:39

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

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Anonymous

What does the father think about his son’s depression, girlfriend and post-graduation plans.

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03/23/2024 12:27

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Any how problems in your original post doesn't require you to worry anymore because in two months, he'll be home in his childhood bedroom, no college life issues and no girlfriend issues. Everything would be back to normal and y'all can happily cook gourmet meals and watch late night television.

Now read the OP with genders reversed. OP's DD got back together with BF and dropped everyone else, stopped calling and texting her mom and siblings. Would you be glad she will be home after graduating or try and push her away further? Btw what's wrong with cooking meals at home with your child?!

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03/25/2024 12:55

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this. She's likely a narcissist or has some other controlling personality disorder and he's choosing to accommodate her rather than honor who he was and the other people in his life. Her insecurities will mean she's constantly testing him and he has to keep choosing her over other people and other interests.

Some people wise up, but it's after children and marriages have suffered. Some people live like this forever. I don't really know how to get someone "out of the fog" of such relationships. It is painful to watch.

OP here. I do not want to focus on the GF and what she is doing. I am concerned about his change of personality, attitude and habits. I am worried that he is not focusing on his own well being, his won interests, family and friends.

Such a drastic change would most likely mean, drugs.

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03/26/2024 16:08

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any how problems in your original post doesn't require you to worry anymore because in two months, he'll be home in his childhood bedroom, no college life issues and no girlfriend issues. Everything would be back to normal and y'all can happily cook gourmet meals and watch late night television.

Now read the OP with genders reversed. OP's DD got back together with BF and dropped everyone else, stopped calling and texting her mom and siblings. Would you be glad she will be home after graduating or try and push her away further? Btw what's wrong with cooking meals at home with your child?!

Everyone gets busy when embarking on a new relationship. We've all been there or seen it with friends, give them their space.

As for a rule where college grads have to move back home with Mommy and work around there. No one I knew had that. One Greek American friend had a big fight with her parents when they tried to force her to live at home and commute to college all four years. She did 2 at home, it sukked, and then 2 in apartments with friends, which was much better for everyone. And she was a great student.

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03/26/2024 20:17

Subject: I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any how problems in your original post doesn't require you to worry anymore because in two months, he'll be home in his childhood bedroom, no college life issues and no girlfriend issues. Everything would be back to normal and y'all can happily cook gourmet meals and watch late night television.

Now read the OP with genders reversed. OP's DD got back together with BF and dropped everyone else, stopped calling and texting her mom and siblings. Would you be glad she will be home after graduating or try and push her away further? Btw what's wrong with cooking meals at home with your child?!

Everyone gets busy when embarking on a new relationship. We've all been there or seen it with friends, give them their space.

As for a rule where college grads have to move back home with Mommy and work around there. No one I knew had that. One Greek American friend had a big fight with her parents when they tried to force her to live at home and commute to college all four years. She did 2 at home, it sukked, and then 2 in apartments with friends, which was much better for everyone. And she was a great student.