I do not know how to handle adult son’s dramatic change

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is anecdotal but I know of 20+ family friends whose kids have moved back to start new job in DMV area!

Indian or similar culture?

Some (three) are Indian Americans, but a good mix of many different cultures (Chinese, Vietnamese, Greek, Italian, and Spanish, to name a few).

[Anonymous]

Surprising! In my circle (22-30 age group, mostly from T20 schools), nobody moved back to suburbia in their childhood bedrooms. Only people moving back are ones who can't afford to live on their own or lack adult skills to survive on their own.

[Anonymous]

The son of the OP must enhance his skills in order to broaden his opportunities. A woman should enhance his life, rather than be the sole focus. Men who possess talents have a wider range of choices when it comes to relationships.

[Anonymous]

She sounds abusive and a narcissist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds abusive and a narcissist.

There is no woman in this thread who sounds abusive and a narcissist. Why did you resort to psychological diagnosis without any explanation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds abusive and a narcissist.

There is no woman in this thread who sounds abusive and a narcissist. Why did you resort to psychological diagnosis without any explanation?

Everyone and their cousin is abusive and narcissist. People don't understand that randomly throwing these terms around is making real abuse and narcissism ordinary norm. Look up story of boy who cried wolf.

As far as OP goes, her kid is moving home in 2 months so this a non problem. Unlikely to find girlfriends living at home so all is good. Enmeshment is no more threatened by any foreign object.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds abusive and a narcissist.

There is no woman in this thread who sounds abusive and a narcissist. Why did you resort to psychological diagnosis without any explanation?

Everyone and their cousin is abusive and narcissist. People don't understand that randomly throwing these terms around is making real abuse and narcissism ordinary norm. Look up story of boy who cried wolf.

As far as OP goes, her kid is moving home in 2 months so this a non problem. Unlikely to find girlfriends living at home so all is good. Enmeshment is no more threatened by any foreign object.

I am the OP and you are responding to my comment here, to make it clear.

I do not think it is an issue of enmeshment. As far as my son moving back home, if you have not read the whole thread, it was his decision. I am not threatened by my son’s girlfriend. The whole purpose of this thread was not to complain about her. She may be a factor in my son’s lack of engagement with everyone else or may be a mere spectator. I have been worried about my son’s change and wanted to hear other people’s perspectives.

My son and his girlfriend plan to maintain the long distance relationship even when they start working in two cities. I totally expect her to visit him in DMV are and him to drive to NY to meet her.

I just hope that he pays attention to his own interests and other relationships. I also would encourage him to talk to therapist to address any depression issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds abusive and a narcissist.

There is no woman in this thread who sounds abusive and a narcissist. Why did you resort to psychological diagnosis without any explanation?

Everyone and their cousin is abusive and narcissist. People don't understand that randomly throwing these terms around is making real abuse and narcissism ordinary norm. Look up story of boy who cried wolf.

As far as OP goes, her kid is moving home in 2 months so this a non problem. Unlikely to find girlfriends living at home so all is good. Enmeshment is no more threatened by any foreign object.

I am the OP and you are responding to my comment here, to make it clear.

I do not think it is an issue of enmeshment. As far as my son moving back home, if you have not read the whole thread, it was his decision. I am not threatened by my son’s girlfriend. The whole purpose of this thread was not to complain about her. She may be a factor in my son’s lack of engagement with everyone else or may be a mere spectator. I have been worried about my son’s change and wanted to hear other people’s perspectives.

My son and his girlfriend plan to maintain the long distance relationship even when they start working in two cities. I totally expect her to visit him in DMV are and him to drive to NY to meet her.

I just hope that he pays attention to his own interests and other relationships. I also would encourage him to talk to therapist to address any depression issues.

I'm only working with limited information here so apologies. However, these are common happenings in senior year and parents tend to get worried about first born's every move.

However, if you find it alarming, do recommend going to his school's mental health center, they should be able to get him through this transition. If he feels therapy is helpful then he can find a therapist once back home.

Long distance with GF, new job, moving back home etc are a lot to digest. Most long distance relationships fade so that must be a worry for both. NYC has plenty of dating options.

[Anonymous]

Though keep in mind that he himself could be the problem and that young woman is overwhelmed herself trying to be there for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Surprising! In my circle (22-30 age group, mostly from T20 schools), nobody moved back to suburbia in their childhood bedrooms. Only people moving back are ones who can't afford to live on their own or lack adult skills to survive on their own.

+1

This is usually culture and due to pressure and expectations from the parents. Seen this for decades. Whatever. Stunt your kids for as long as they’ll have you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds abusive and a narcissist.

The mom.

[Anonymous]

What does dad have to say about it all?

[Anonymous]

https://www.vox.com/24115808/multigenerational-housing-us-families-personal-finance

[Anonymous]

lol with this lame marketing articles.

Isn’t vox bankrupt?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Surprising! In my circle (22-30 age group, mostly from T20 schools), nobody moved back to suburbia in their childhood bedrooms. Only people moving back are ones who can't afford to live on their own or lack adult skills to survive on their own.

+1

This is usually culture and due to pressure and expectations from the parents. Seen this for decades. Whatever. Stunt your kids for as long as they’ll have you.

Is this your opinion? Many recent articles suggest young people in recent times are opting to stay a few more years with parents. May be there is shift in mindset in America going on. Why do you think your experience is the only valid or correct one?