My sister and BIL want me to ask my husband to get their son a lucrative job

[Anonymous]

OP, if your DH sends the nephew's resume to a few contacts within his company, he is not putting his neck out for your nephew. He's not ruining his reputation. Your nephew went to Duke, not community college. There's absolutely nothing weird or inappropriate about checking within the company to see if there is a need.

Also - you are a terrible person.

[Anonymous]

My biggest issue with this thread is OP being a gatekeeper to her husband. This seems like an easy conversation between husband and wife. “Honey, SIL and BIL want your help getting Nephew a job at your company. I’m not sure if he’s qualified, but can you take a look at his resume and give him some advice?”

That’s it! You’re not putting his career on the line by asking him a simple question. He is a big boy and can decide if/how he can help. If you’re actually right and he’s completely unqualified, your husband can help him forge a path in the upcoming years. This can be as little as an email explanation or as much as a mentorship depending on his availability and closeness with the nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

Uh, no. Many were hard parting types majoring in BS majors (rocks for jocks). They may have interned in their dad’s IB firm? Most Ivy schools don’t even have business or finance majors, and very few go into the closest field, economics.

So was your DH middle class growing up? What did his parents do?

[Anonymous]

NP
Op, nothing you've said sounds unreasonable. It's likely one single person repeatedly posting (maybe your sister) because all the pro-nepotism posts have a deranged tone. Your dh should offer to check his resume and recommend tailored changes to the job he wants and give him advice. Nepotism is most often a disaster and your nephew sliding in late sounds like he'd prove that. As you mentioned, there are kids with prior internships who are more qualified. I doubt your dh could find him a good spot to begin with. You can clarify he's only secured kids internships in their junior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

I loved how OP painted her nephew as a ne'er-do-well, meanwhile he is attending one of the best universities in the country.

I grew up MC, and I had no idea that you had to do internships over the summer. What jobs do your sis and BIL have?

My parents wanted me home for the summer to earn money and not blow the income on rent, as well help take care of my siblings for the summer and pet sit when they had to travel. Internships aren’t money making like a work at home job because the costs of renting and living on internship city is exorbitant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My biggest issue with this thread is OP being a gatekeeper to her husband. This seems like an easy conversation between husband and wife. “Honey, SIL and BIL want your help getting Nephew a job at your company. I’m not sure if he’s qualified, but can you take a look at his resume and give him some advice?”

That’s it! You’re not putting his career on the line by asking him a simple question. He is a big boy and can decide if/how he can help. If you’re actually right and he’s completely unqualified, your husband can help him forge a path in the upcoming years. This can be as little as an email explanation or as much as a mentorship depending on his availability and closeness with the nephew.

That is your big issue? Not the fact that the nephew didn't contact the husband himself, like a "big boy"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

Every time you post you sound less and less nice. You are seething with contempt for your nephew. You're the worst aunt ever.

Her nephew went to Duke. Where do OP go to college? She keeps talking about how hard her DH worked…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your nephew has a degree from Duke he is qualified to be a finance bro, like all the other Duke finance bros.

Especially considering he got into Duke as a MC candidate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest issue with this thread is OP being a gatekeeper to her husband. This seems like an easy conversation between husband and wife. “Honey, SIL and BIL want your help getting Nephew a job at your company. I’m not sure if he’s qualified, but can you take a look at his resume and give him some advice?”

That’s it! You’re not putting his career on the line by asking him a simple question. He is a big boy and can decide if/how he can help. If you’re actually right and he’s completely unqualified, your husband can help him forge a path in the upcoming years. This can be as little as an email explanation or as much as a mentorship depending on his availability and closeness with the nephew.

That is your big issue? Not the fact that the nephew didn't contact the husband himself, like a "big boy"?

Honestly, yes. There are a LOT of issues with this post, and I certainly agree that the nephew should have contacted his uncle if he wants to be a career go-getter. But OP should have this conversation with her husband. For all I care, they have a laugh about the nephew’s lack of experience and ambition over breakfast. But DH should be the decision-maker of how to handle this, not DCUM. Though I appreciate the entertainment of these posts over my coffee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My biggest issue with this thread is OP being a gatekeeper to her husband. This seems like an easy conversation between husband and wife. “Honey, SIL and BIL want your help getting Nephew a job at your company. I’m not sure if he’s qualified, but can you take a look at his resume and give him some advice?”

That’s it! You’re not putting his career on the line by asking him a simple question. He is a big boy and can decide if/how he can help. If you’re actually right and he’s completely unqualified, your husband can help him forge a path in the upcoming years. This can be as little as an email explanation or as much as a mentorship depending on his availability and closeness with the nephew.

That is your big issue? Not the fact that the nephew didn't contact the husband himself, like a "big boy"?

Honestly, yes. There are a LOT of issues with this post, and I certainly agree that the nephew should have contacted his uncle if he wants to be a career go-getter. But OP should have this conversation with her husband. For all I care, they have a laugh about the nephew’s lack of experience and ambition over breakfast. But DH should be the decision-maker of how to handle this, not DCUM. Though I appreciate the entertainment of these posts over my coffee.

I disagree. My DW family is very hierarchical and formal, and a child approaching an adult directly would be considered very gauche. It needs to start within the core family, ie sister to sister.

It clear that OP and her DH are not warm or friendly with her hick relatives, as there is no relationship between the BILs for example — I am close to my DW sister DH and we exchange career advice for ourselves and our kids all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree it is how the world works. But I also might be hesitant to put my neck out if you think the nephew can't cut it or would somehow be embarrassing. Also depends what position your husband is in.

I'm at a private mid-sized firm and in a position to make hiring moves but would not hire most of my family members because I think they ultimately would not do a good job. The guy who owns our firm, however, has hired a few lackluster family members and family friends, who have either been let go or continue to be a bit of a drain, but I guess that doesn't really matter since it's his company.

This is what I mean. He didn’t stick his neck out for the families we know. My nephew on the other hand is not graduating with any honors, his summer jobs have nothing to do with finance, and he barely speaks to my husband. The time to ask was probably four years ago for an internship, not a couple of months before he graduates asking for a full time six figure job offer.

He demanded a six figure job? Or to pass his resume along for positions he may be qualified for?

Investment banking, sales and trading, private equity, venture capital, etc. go to the tip top students with perfect resumes and all pay six figures to start after bonus.

I went to an Ivy and the jobs all seemed to go to students with elite high school and tip top grades in random majors like Russian Lit and history — hardly relevant to finance. Is it more having a certain carriage and pedigree to assure clients that the “right” analysts are working there?

Nephew is graduating from Duke.

Did any of your Ivy League classmates wake up in Feb or March of their senior year and with no relevant experience and decide to become investment bankers? He does not have great grades and has no relevant experience. I don’t think he nor my sister and brother in law understand the field, they just know it can pay a lot of money. It is my understanding it pays a lot of money to brilliant students who worked exceptionally hard for four years crafting a business perfect resume.

My husband had all As and worked every summer. That was over 25 years ago. It’s even more competitive now.

You're wrong and hilariously naive. You have to have a perfect resume if you don't have an in. Your nephew has an "in", or he would if you wouldn't stop barring the door. And now we find out he's at a top university! But somehow, some way . . . just not the kind of kid who deserves any help, not like those charmers you probably met through your kids' private schools. Fascinating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let your husband decide. If he's already helped nobody's, he absolutely should help family. What's your actual problem?

I feel super uncomfortable asking my husband to help an unqualified in-law get a job he does not deserve. We’re not talking about an internship to a teenager, he is a graduating senior. They want me to have my husband hand a nephew he hardly knows a highly prestigious job that pays two if not three times more than he’s qualified to get on his own.

OP you dumba**, even those top-tier financial institutions have entry-level roles in operations or compliance that pay fairly well and are less competitive than the IB roles. How do you know your nephew is not qualified?

Also, no IB analyst gets the job based on their Bloomberg or Excel qualifications. WTF.

I don’t know all of the differences in the paths you’re describing but I know he does not want help with a 60k job any graduating senior can apply for and have a chance at. Respectfully, I think I know my family better than you. They want my husband to get him a prestigious 100k plus job he is not qualified for, upwards of a year after most of those first-year roles were filled. The *qualified* family friends who asked my husband for help asked over a year before the *summer internship* began. My nephew graduates in a couple of months. It’s my husband’s professional reputation on the line, not y’all’s.

THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?

Give the kid a vest and roll him onto the street like PP said, he's just another Dook finance bro. No, he doesn't get an IB analyst job for all of the reasons stated, but there are other jobs he can probably do while he figures out when to where the Patagonia and when to wear the Peter Millar. FFS. The kid got into a school with a really low acceptance rate. He's not an idiot.

I'll say it again, there's more going on here that no one on DCUM can understand. There's some reason you're looking down on your nephew, or maybe it's your sister. You can either be an adult and ask DH to have lunch or something with the kid, or tell your sister to pound sand, and deal with everything that goes along with that. I'm not sure what you think your nephew is going to do in some low-level operations role that's going ot embarass your DH, but you may be overthinking it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your nephew has a degree from Duke he is qualified to be a finance bro, like all the other Duke finance bros.

Especially considering he got into Duke as a MC candidate!

It is an accomplishment but kids are admitted into college in December of their senior year when they're age 17. It is now nearly March 2024. December 2019 is ancient history. If you have nothing relevant or impressive in those 4.5 years since submitting college applications, how do you deserve a job kids kill for?

[Anonymous]

Why is anyone here promoting nepotism?!

[Anonymous]

With a family like OP, who needs enemies?