Women, how has having kids impacted your career?

[Anonymous]

Having kids prevented work from talking over my life. Helped me keep perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pick a good DH. MY DH has a decently high paying job (400k) and complete work from home flexibility - so he is primary parent. He does all doctor appointments and all pick ups. Son is thriving. I work at a non-profit and only make half what DH makes - so law paying, but very fulfilling work. I am in-person all week and do not have flexibility. We did decide to stop at one - it was my decision since DH wanted 3 children. I could only mentally handle one.

Pick a good DH who wants to co-parent in a real way. DH does all mental load work too - since he’s the main volunteer for everything.

Women take on too much, men can help. DH really wanted children - and it shows in his day to day commitment to our son.

No offense but this is crazy advice. I am like your husband and wanted three kids. I had the higher paying career. After first my wife came to me and said I can’t handle more kids and working. So I told her to quit be a stay at home mom and she did and we had three kids.

BTW having one kid is a joke. I say that as we had two back to back then a long break for third. When the two oldest were at college same time and only had one at home it was barely any work.

Wow. You're quite a piece of work, and quite the jerk.

He is not that bad. My DH expected multiple kids, me having a great job, I do everything around the house + save aggressively like 100k a year after I pay for rent and daycare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for a F50 company. The women that climb the ranks are in the following situations:

-Married no kids
-Married with 1 or 2 kids, and SAH spouse

I do not see single women, moms with lots of kids, or women married to breadwinners climbing the ranks at my very large, very successful employer. Those groups of women can certainly have satisfying and interesting careers with the company, but they only get so far before stagnating.

Moving up into higher ranks at my employer entails complete flexibility, including moving to wherever they tell you to, traveling whenever they need you to, and being available whenever they call. It is very very difficult for most moms to accommodate that type of lifestyle while raising children.

Ah with my employer, you get to work 11 hours a day without any flexibility yet remain a nobody / no promotion.

[Anonymous]

Definitely diminished my career, but 100% worth it.

When I returned from three month maternity leave, I found that my single male colleague had been promoted ahead of me, even though I took 0 time off during my pregnancy and kept up my time in the office. Then I was given low level, behind the scenes work to do, which prevented me from moving up, even though I asked for the better projects and continued with my usual time in the office.

I ultimately moved on, but never found a sponsor to promote/pull me up. I finally did it on my own, but at that point I was past 40 so didn’t get the best opportunities. Now that I have an empty nest and can really lean in to a bigger job, I’m past 50 so face extreme ageism.

But I long ago determined that my career would be for making money and anything else that I could get from it would be icing. And while I’ve made far less than some men who have SAH wives to take care of everything, I have millions saved. So things still worked out well compared to most people in this world.

[Anonymous]

I got a good promotion and raise after I returned from my (short) maternity leave (think because they realized how valuable I was in my absense). My child is 3 now and I think I'm making close to double what I was before I had hi. I've become more efficient with my time. I generally leave at 5 on the dot and don't work that long of hours but I don't think that has really had a negative impact. I don't think it would be as easy if I had more than one.

[Anonymous]

when I got promoted to Senior Manager my kid said "wow, now I'll never really see you", which was why I decided to nix being partner....

[Anonymous]

If your spouse works for a company that has generous paid leave and is willing to take sick days for doctors visits, you’ll be fine.

[Anonymous]

I took a seven-week maternity leave with my first and immediately returned to 9-10 hour+ days in the office only to be passed over for a senior position in favor of a man with less experience...my supervisor made constant references to how glad he was his wife stayed home with their kids, how I should tell my husband to get a promotion so I could stay home...so yeah, despite it changing nothing about my work performance, having a child had a very negative impact on my career at a large consulting firm. I ended up leaving for small business, where I've traded ambition for flexibility. My 20-something self would be appalled, and it does feel like I wasted my 20s busting my a$$ at the large company, but it's what's best for our family right now.

[Anonymous]

I have a great career and am very happy. I have great kids and am a pretty engaged parent.

However, I know I would have climbed the career ladder faster without kids. Over the years I have had to turn down opportunities as small as a spontaneous happy hour and as big as an important work trip. I am sometimes distracted because of things going on with the kids and I know my performance isn't at 100% work wise.

At the same time, I have also had to give up things regarding my family life. I go on one field trip a year with my kids (my SAH mother went to every trip). I am not room mom and I don't coach a team. I could do that sort of stuff, but I need to find space to destress after a long day at work and adding coaching or whatever to my plate would not work for me. Instead, I cheer from the sidelines. I miss some things like spirit day or whatever because it just fell through the cracks. My kids are fine- but the guilt weighs on me some days.

Again. I am happy and think I have found a pretty good balance. But I recognize I would be (all things being equal) a better worker without kids and a better parent without a full time, stressful job.

[Anonymous]

I’m a fed with 2 teenagers. The hardest part was not being able to travel as much as my colleagues. I like the flexibility of the job, though, and I figure I can push for SES in a few years when they leave the nest.

It’s actually more difficult now that they’re older. They have more emotional needs that I need to be around for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work for a F50 company. The women that climb the ranks are in the following situations:

-Married no kids
-Married with 1 or 2 kids, and SAH spouse

I do not see single women, moms with lots of kids, or women married to breadwinners climbing the ranks at my very large, very successful employer. Those groups of women can certainly have satisfying and interesting careers with the company, but they only get so far before stagnating.

Moving up into higher ranks at my employer entails complete flexibility, including moving to wherever they tell you to, traveling whenever they need you to, and being available whenever they call. It is very very difficult for most moms to accommodate that type of lifestyle while raising children.

What is your take on why single women don't succeed in that environment? Discrimination? Fear of sexual harassment claims?

[Anonymous]

The median early career salary for a Harvard grad is about $89k. For mid career is about $170k.

I did not go to an Ivy League school. I currently make about $150k in a flexible government job with an easy commute (job is in the suburbs) and good work life balance. I consider myself very lucky.

I had a kid about 5 years ago. I did struggle focusing on work during that first year, but I still got a really good promotion about 2 years after DD was born. Most people in my office have kids and the culture is that people all have families and lives outside of work. Office is a dead zone after 4pm on our in-office days.

There are so many different career trajectories and I think kids impact different careers differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great career and am very happy. I have great kids and am a pretty engaged parent.

However, I know I would have climbed the career ladder faster without kids. Over the years I have had to turn down opportunities as small as a spontaneous happy hour and as big as an important work trip. I am sometimes distracted because of things going on with the kids and I know my performance isn't at 100% work wise.

At the same time, I have also had to give up things regarding my family life. I go on one field trip a year with my kids (my SAH mother went to every trip). I am not room mom and I don't coach a team. I could do that sort of stuff, but I need to find space to destress after a long day at work and adding coaching or whatever to my plate would not work for me. Instead, I cheer from the sidelines. I miss some things like spirit day or whatever because it just fell through the cracks. My kids are fine- but the guilt weighs on me some days.

Again. I am happy and think I have found a pretty good balance. But I recognize I would be (all things being equal) a better worker without kids and a better parent without a full time, stressful job.

Do you want to go on every trip, be a room mom, coach a team? Do you think your kids want you to do that? The quality of time is different than quantity and quantity does not necessarily trump all. Just something to think about when combining mom and work life. Maybe a diversification is good for you and your kids overall. I know everyone is different but my diverse life and work experiences enhance how I parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have them as soon as possible. You will have more energy to keep working. And you’re far more likely to have healthy kids and drama free pregnancy and birth. About half of my girlfriends who waited too long had pregnancy issues or the baby was born with complications.

Yeah, but you'll be 10+ years behind your peers and have FAR less flexibility. No one is cutting slack to a 23 year old entry level person when all of their peers are single and childless and ready to grind it out. Just throwing that out there.

10 years behind? You don’t have to retire because you have kids. This makes literally no sense. And nobody ‘grinds’ anymore grandma. That’s boomer nonsense.