Women, how has having kids impacted your career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Good grief, make it more obvious you’re a bitter spinster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It made me realize how empty and pointless most “careers” are. Very few people make a difference with their careers or even do anything of lasting value. Unless you are one of those lucky few it’s sad to give your life to being a cog.

I love my kids, but I recognize it’s a very selfish act to bring kids into this crowded world to consume and take up space. It’s not like the world needs more people.

Being a mom is just another pointless exercise, which really doesn’t make much of a difference, and for lasting value who knows how your kids turn out, I mean Hitler had a mother. A parent is just another kind of cog, but it’s a personal cog doing what you like which is fine but no more saintly than a retiree spending time on the tees.

If you adopt and care for orphans, that would be commendable, but popping out more kids and phoning in your career? Just another type of consumption.

Alright we get it, you're a nihilist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one tells you how much of career success is situation-based luck (being in the right place at right time, finding a champion), and women with kids have fewer opportunities to be in those situations. We go home to pick kids up from childcare or relieve nanny instead of drinks. There are social settings where we just don't risk being alone. But you can do all the things to be in the right place for an opportunity, and it might still not come.

My advice is to be smart but do what you most want. Get the right credentials. Work hard. Understand the politics and who really has power and what work "counts". But have kids if you want them. It's a huge decision and lifelong commitment. If career success could deter you, it might not be for you.

At the same time, if you pursue a career, pursue it without guilt. You will miss things. Decide what's important. I like to cook, but cooking when I came home from work with kids who just want to play was too much...so their nanny does it. relaxed dinner and bedtime were more important to me, so nanny drives them to activities so I can be relaxed finishing up emails end of day.

You really can't predict how career will go. I had mommy-tracked a few years ago, but reorg gave me a chance to shine with a senior person who really believes in me. I was okay with the lower power trajectory I was on before, and I am excited about the one I'm on now.

I like this post except for the first paragraph and the use of "we". Everyone has their own view of reality and mine is certainly not that I've had fewer opportunities because of my children. I may not want to pursue them because of my children, but I didn't miss them. I have a husband who trusts me and supports me when I do lean in. We both know that networking is important and support each other in that regard as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Needlessly hostile. Glad you're a SAHM. Lose the self-righteousness. It makes you look like a b-tch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Good grief, make it more obvious you’re a bitter spinster.

Nobody is being bitter they are being realistic.

Your kids will be busy with their family, they will come and see you in hospice at the end and a year later might think about you in passing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Needlessly hostile. Glad you're a SAHM. Lose the self-righteousness. It makes you look like a b-tch.

I was definitely a SAHM when my kids were infants and toddlers and I see plenty of evidence on DCUM that people prefer to put their parents in an institutional setting when they get old. Those are just facts. You might think there is no relationship but I disagree. Calling me a bltch just makes you look like one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Nah the kids will recognize you made them your whole life and they will be glad to be done with u as a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work for a F50 company. The women that climb the ranks are in the following situations:

-Married no kids
-Married with 1 or 2 kids, and SAH spouse

I do not see single women, moms with lots of kids, or women married to breadwinners climbing the ranks at my very large, very successful employer. Those groups of women can certainly have satisfying and interesting careers with the company, but they only get so far before stagnating.

Moving up into higher ranks at my employer entails complete flexibility, including moving to wherever they tell you to, traveling whenever they need you to, and being available whenever they call. It is very very difficult for most moms to accommodate that type of lifestyle while raising children.

What is your take on why single women don't succeed in that environment? Discrimination? Fear of sexual harassment claims?

Single women can go to elite unicorn, top PE or consulting, F50 is too large not to play politics with white old men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Here comes the SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Needlessly hostile. Glad you're a SAHM. Lose the self-righteousness. It makes you look like a b-tch.

I was definitely a SAHM when my kids were infants and toddlers and I see plenty of evidence on DCUM that people prefer to put their parents in an institutional setting when they get old. Those are just facts. You might think there is no relationship but I disagree. Calling me a bltch just makes you look like one.

So what? My kids don’t need to burdened with elder care when they are busy climbing the corporate dangling carrot. We all die, buddy, nothing really matters in the end, whether that’s relationship or career or money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Needlessly hostile. Glad you're a SAHM. Lose the self-righteousness. It makes you look like a b-tch.

I was definitely a SAHM when my kids were infants and toddlers and I see plenty of evidence on DCUM that people prefer to put their parents in an institutional setting when they get old. Those are just facts. You might think there is no relationship but I disagree. Calling me a bltch just makes you look like one.

God you're tone deaf. You are superior to all of us who had to work, and obviously you loved your kids more than we did and therefore your kids love you more than ours. I can only hope that you are canonized for your superiority to all of us.

Yes, your attitude is insulting and worthy of being called out for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Needlessly hostile. Glad you're a SAHM. Lose the self-righteousness. It makes you look like a b-tch.

I was definitely a SAHM when my kids were infants and toddlers and I see plenty of evidence on DCUM that people prefer to put their parents in an institutional setting when they get old. Those are just facts. You might think there is no relationship but I disagree. Calling me a bltch just makes you look like one.

God you're tone deaf. You are superior to all of us who had to work, and obviously you loved your kids more than we did and therefore your kids love you more than ours. I can only hope that you are canonized for your superiority to all of us.

Yes, your attitude is insulting and worthy of being called out for.

Superior doesn’t even mean anything, at least not in this country. I am sure she is immortal and live forever.

[Anonymous]

Far MORE likely to be promoted because bosses figure you need the money, plus you develop rapport with bosses who also have kids. When you’re a DINK they figure you and hubby make way too much. And when you’re past 30 and especially past 35 without a kid, bosses with children look at you like you’re a weird alien who seems to do nothing all weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

Probably true because if you were willing to outsource their care when they were infants and put your career ahead of them then they will return the favor when you are old.

Needlessly hostile. Glad you're a SAHM. Lose the self-righteousness. It makes you look like a b-tch.

I was definitely a SAHM when my kids were infants and toddlers and I see plenty of evidence on DCUM that people prefer to put their parents in an institutional setting when they get old. Those are just facts. You might think there is no relationship but I disagree. Calling me a bltch just makes you look like one.

So what? My kids don’t need to burdened with elder care when they are busy climbing the corporate dangling carrot. We all die, buddy, nothing really matters in the end, whether that’s relationship or career or money.

Seriously it’s like Swedish Death Cleaning. One of my major financial goals is to have enough money to fully fund my elder care so all my kids have to do is visit occasionally and send holiday cards. I don’t want them caring for me and taking on all that stress.

I see my mother caring for her mom and it’s impossible to do alone with the physical and mental demands, but they don’t have enough money for a full time nurse of any caliber or a proper elder care facility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I see elderly people (or people of any age) who are sick in the hospital - the career does not matter. We’ve had people who were judges and surgeons who dedicated their lives to their work. At the end of the day, relationships with people by your side matter. Kids are a nice way (forced way) to make you look outside yourself and build those relationships. Whatever you do make sure you build *multi generational * relationships with people. It’s not all about career.

To be honest when you are old and dying, your children won’t matter either.

not in our case. My MIL just passed. She held on just long enough for DH to get to her, but her other children were around her.

IMO, she held on for her son to say goodbye.

No one laments not spending more time at the office on their death beds, but they do lament not spending more time with family.

Agree with PP, family matters for most people.

I'm not a kid person, but after seeing what my MIL went through, and now my own parents (one has dementia), I do think having children matters when you are elderly, for most people.