What personal battle are you currently fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am going to save my complaint that felt so hopeless and huge before reading these posts. I wish every pp the best and something positive soon.

I feel the same way, PP. I don’t feel like I can even specifically quote any of these posts because so many are heartbreaking.

+2 My heart hurts and I can’t find the words. I am so sorry for what you all are enduring. In sickness, may you find healing. In grief, may you find peace. If fearful, may you find courage. For your children, may you find strength in their progress. Where there’s a chance to forgive, have grace. I wish you moments of joy along the way. ❤️ from an internet stranger.

[Anonymous]

A kid with special needs. When she's in a good place I'm fine but always waiting for something to go wrong. And then it does. And I want to curl up and hide, disappear, make it all go away. But we always eventually get back to an ok place. Right now we are not in an ok place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unwanted separation/divorce while pregnant with 4th baby. So deeply sad feeling like life doesn’t make sense anymore. First holiday in 15 years without spouse.

My first holiday without my child was emotionally rough. I flew to Aruba with a friend and we had a fabulous time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other. We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships. It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again. The favored siblings are narcissistic. The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family. My parents continue to escalate and play favorites. Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings. Partial boundaries haven't worked.

I relate to this so much OP. Sometimes distance is healing and what kids need most is emotionally healthy parents. If the grandparents/aunts/uncles rob you of that, it is not good for your kids. They don't need grandparents and aunts/uncles in names and photos, they need adults who truly love them and demonstrate healthy relationships. If you can do that, you are giving them something beautiful.

I don't agree with the person who thinks about what will happen when they die to be able to tolerate it all. If they live a long time with lots of emergencies I can tell you it is total hell and a relief when they die. My one living parent is so awful I think I will finally breathe easier and sleep better when I know she is resting in peace, not suffering herself, but also not creating chaos and misery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Teen diagnosed with ADHD, starting meds, not sure what to expect. Feeling badly it wasn’t identified earlier in life as there have been many struggles and extreme anxiety and depression. Feeling like I failed at parenting.

Praying for all you facing challenges and loss.

PP thank you so much for your prayers. I’m one of the first posters who has the kid with autism, the dad with glioblastoma, and the MIL with dementia. I remember when I was in your shoes, with my other kid whom I didn’t mention. She has ADD (not ADHD as no hyperactivity) and anxiety and depression. But she didn’t make my post because we found her a great psychiatrist and a therapist, and she’s thriving as a sophomore in college. You and she can do this. ❤️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sister--unmedicated bipolar

The rage, mania and nastiness and grandiosity is really hard to deal with.

I have this with my mother and sister. You nailed it-that lovely combo of rage, mania, nastiness and grandiosity....throw in some scapegoating (blaming me for all their problems when I saw them and when I distanced myself), projection and some paranoia too. Both of them are much better when properly medicated, but they are convinced they are just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am deeply, mutually in love and feel I have found my person. He feels the same. But he has a young child, and I’d never imagined that I would be with someone with a kid. Taking on the role of stepparent and having his ex be part of his/our life forever seems like too much for me to take on. Keeping his life with me and his life as a parent separate as we have been is starting to weigh heavily and it’s getting close to the time where I need to jump in or jump ship. Every day I agonize over whether I should walk away from the love of my life and break both our hearts (but set him free), or accept the life I must have to be with him. Some days I think it would be crazy to walk away and lose so much happiness, and some days I think it would be crazy to stay and risk so much unhappiness. It feels like the true pivotal moment of my life and I don’t know what to do.

How old is the child and have you met/spent any time with them? Do you want kids of your own or had you envisioned a life without kids?

Maybe you can reframe this as the opportunity to love a new person who is an extension of someone you already love. Yes kids add a lot of chaos to life and have to be a priority, but they grow and it’s not like they are a little kid that will live with you forever (barring special needs). And if the ex is involved then you guys should have 50% free time to do adult things, travel, etc.

I haven’t met the kid yet, only because I feel very strongly that I didn’t want to become part of their life unless I was in it for the long haul. They’re 4. It’s coming up on 10 months though, so it really is time.

I like kids and have spent a lot of time nannying and babysitting, and having spent far too much time on this website I think I have much more theoretical parenting knowledge than the average childless person. I’d be a decent parent. I never had any strong pull to be a mother but wasn’t against it. I figured it may happen if I met the right person, and it has. From early on I was able to imagine having a baby with him. I have no doubt whether we have kids of our own or not, his child will add a lot of fun and joy and love to my life (in addition to the challenges and frustrations of caring for a little kid).

It’s just..all the complications. Having to be civil/friendly with his ex who is genuinely a mean-spirited person and an irresponsible parent (I’ve seen and experienced it for myself, my boyfriend does not degrade his child’s mother). The fact that I will likely end up loving this child and have no right to make decisions about their life. Jealousy. That we will never be free to live wherever we want. Negotiating holidays for the rest of forever. And probably countless logistical challenges I can’t even conceive of yet. My boyfriend adores me and has truly prioritized my happiness and well-being above all else so far and I have no doubt he will do his best to protect me from any unpleasantness, but there’s only so much he can do and I will have to compromise on my wants and needs. What if I can’t handle it? What if I regret signing myself up for this? But what if I regret letting him be the one who got away because I was too scared?

I can’t see myself finding as good a match for me again. It’s not the end of the world if I don’t, but it makes it hard to walk away. I’m a serial monogamist, dated a ton, and i’ve never once imagined myself marrying any past partners but I figured that was normal for everyone, and you just kind of decide to get married anyway because it’s the right time, they’d make a good parent, it’s a good financial decision etc. A couple months into dating this guy I was like…oh. This is how it’s supposed to be. I’ve never felt so deeply cared for and cherished, or such deep mutual respect and admiration. I’ve never been with someone who made me feel confident that they will always be on my team 100% no matter what. I’ve never felt so at peace. It’s a love that is calm, quiet, and easy. If it felt any less right it would be easier to say for sure the life I’m in for with him isn’t for me and I need to move on.

Goodness, this got too long, but I appreciate being able to get my thoughts out after feeling so alone with this for so long. If anyone actually read this, thank you.

How long have you been together? I may have missed this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sister--unmedicated bipolar

The rage, mania and nastiness and grandiosity is really hard to deal with.

I have this with my mother and sister. You nailed it-that lovely combo of rage, mania, nastiness and grandiosity....throw in some scapegoating (blaming me for all their problems when I saw them and when I distanced myself), projection and some paranoia too. Both of them are much better when properly medicated, but they are convinced they are just fine.

Thank you for the support PP. I forgot to mention the psychosis that she gets with people.

[Anonymous]

Pp. oh I see 10 mos! I believe you that you have the feelings you write about but this sounds so much like my friends ex!

He found a new love when his dc was 3 (divorced my friend) The new love …”They were soul- mates, so much in love.” No one ever had a connection like this. Soon Married. Divorced a few years later. Now his dd has no contact with that stepmother and step siblings.

Please ask yourself why he is divorced with a 4 yr old.

He absolutely may have a 100% legitimate reason but the way you described him and your relationship sounds eerily similar. Wishing you well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids so so much and they're so adorable and such sweet ages. But I am overwhelmed most of the time that I'm with them. Just cooking dinner, getting them to sit for dinner, brushing teeth, etc is all a major struggle. I look over and they're rolling on the floor either fighting or tickling each other. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Give yourself some grace. In the before times, I often felt like this. It's normal to feel this way. Hope you can get a break. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Lost my hearing in one ear over night a few years ago. Finally felt like I was making peace with it, and now my hearing is failing in the other ear. I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with losing sound in my life. No more music, no more hearing my daughter's voice, no more having security around knowing what's going on around me, probably no more socializing. I'm only 55. It's making me beyond anxious - every morning I wake up and check if I can still hear. One night last week I got tinnitus so bad in the hearing ear that it jolted me awake - it was like a siren going off. Things are declining and it's just hard to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp. oh I see 10 mos! I believe you that you have the feelings you write about but this sounds so much like my friends ex!

He found a new love when his dc was 3 (divorced my friend) The new love …”They were soul- mates, so much in love.” No one ever had a connection like this. Soon Married. Divorced a few years later. Now his dd has no contact with that stepmother and step siblings.

Please ask yourself why he is divorced with a 4 yr old.

He absolutely may have a 100% legitimate reason but the way you described him and your relationship sounds eerily similar. Wishing you well.

He was not married. Accidental pregnancy with a girlfriend and their relationship was not strong. He would have preferred she terminate but she wanted a baby. He’d told her he wasn’t financially or emotionally ready well before she got pregnant. So he tried to make it work with her for a year or so for the sake of the child but he was miserable and had to leave. They coparent fine.

I’m under no delusion that he is my soul mate or the only good match for me out there. It’s just a numbers game. I said that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I never found someone like this again, and that’s the truth—I have never put a huge emphasis on finding a life partner. I have been in longish relationships with many men and have turned down two proposals. All I know is this feels different. For the first time ever in my life, leaving would be incredibly heartbreaking and difficult.

[Anonymous]

OP, thank you so much for posting this question. I'm really grateful that this space can be one of love and support. <3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Admitted I was an alcoholic started going to AA and I've been sober for two weeks. Terrified of relapsing.

Take it one day at a time. One hour at a time, if necessary. You can do it.
And if you relapse, you can get back on the wagon and try again.

+1. Hopefully you have a sponsor or a person you can contact when you want to drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lost my hearing in one ear over night a few years ago. Finally felt like I was making peace with it, and now my hearing is failing in the other ear. I'm having a very hard time coming to terms with losing sound in my life. No more music, no more hearing my daughter's voice, no more having security around knowing what's going on around me, probably no more socializing. I'm only 55. It's making me beyond anxious - every morning I wake up and check if I can still hear. One night last week I got tinnitus so bad in the hearing ear that it jolted me awake - it was like a siren going off. Things are declining and it's just hard to manage.

There are hearing aids for single sided deafness! Choose to find a solution! Here is a start: https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1158764.page