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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents had favorites growing up and pitted the siblings against each other.  We're now in our late 30s and 40s and it's become clear that none of have functioning relationships.  It's all coming to a head this holiday season with the parts of the family no longer speaking with each other.

I don't think there's any way we'll ever really be a family again.  The favored siblings are narcissistic.  The disfavored siblings are angry and hurt, cutting themselves off from the family.  My parents continue to escalate and play favorites.  Apparently the new boundaries by the hurt siblings have my mom saying she wants to die, but it's unclear if she's really suicidal or if it's more manipulation.

It's so hard to decide to walk away from the mess and give up on having a family (and grandparents for your kids) or to keep engaging with the endless drama, bullying, favortism, and hurt feelings.  Partial boundaries haven't worked.[/quote]

I relate to this so much OP. Sometimes distance is healing and what kids need most is emotionally healthy parents. If the grandparents/aunts/uncles rob you of that, it is not good for your kids. They don't need grandparents and aunts/uncles in names and photos, they need adults who truly love them and demonstrate healthy relationships. If you can do that, you are giving them something beautiful.

I don't agree with the person who thinks about what will happen when they die to be able to tolerate it all. If they live a long time with lots of emergencies I can tell you it is total hell and a relief when they die. My one living parent is so awful I think I will finally breathe easier and sleep better when I know she is resting in peace, not suffering herself, but also not creating chaos and misery.[/quote]

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