What personal battle are you currently fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Suicidal thoughts. I don’t have a plan but the thoughts are haunting me. I have small children and I feel so trapped.

DS has SN. He’s huge and fast and strong at age 5 but has the mental understanding and maturity of a 2/3 year old. 2/3 is an age that I hate and completely suck at and I feel like we’ve been in the same place for 3 years. I’m scared he may be stuck this age forever.

I’m just so sad and lonely and tired and life does not feel worth living anymore. I feel like the best days are behind me and it will never get better.

Do you have a psychiatrist? Are you on medication?

I don't want anything to happen to you. Please seek help and don't suffer in silence.

Pp. yes I’m on meds, I have a psychiatrist and a therapist. I’ll be ok. It’s just very hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holidays are here again and I'm sad. My 2 daughters were very close growing up but they haven't talked in 7 years. Ugly things were said by both in different ways that can't be taken back or worked through. I have always been a "fixer" but this is unfixable. We have 4 grandchildren from oldest who we are very close to. My youngest daughter hasn't met the 2 youngest grandkids. When the separation happened, the kids were kept away. Younger daughter lives in another town so we only see her when we go to visit. She has too much anxiety to come back to her home or hometown. Religion, sexuality, politics, everything that can be disagreed on, they do. We are in the middle, loving them both. Lots of therapy on my part did help but the sadness of the family togetherness we won't have, escalates during the holidays. I don't talk about either to the other and it's so weird. We never thought this would be our life. I'm sad for both of them and my grandkids. They are all missing out on so much because they are all such great loving, kind people and I just pray that someday LOVE will be enough for them to reconcile and not wait until one of us is on out deathbeds.

You sound like an excellent parent. Hopefully your daughters can see your example of love and kindness.

Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was basically born hating me and has been super independent since birth. It’s really getting awful now that she’s 15 but as long as she’s been alive she’s never really wanted parents. I’ve done my own personal therapy and she had her own therapist she sees weekly and we have a family therapist we see weekly. I’ve had a parent coach. I’ve gone to classes. I’ve read all the books (so has DH).

She’s had a neuropsych exam ($$$$) that found nothing. I was really hoping we could find some answers.

To me it’s heart breaking. It’s like she never attached to us despite me being a SAHM, loving her so much, doing all the activities with her at all stages, taking her on special mommy and me trips, coming to all her games and supporting her interests. Today she reminded me “I hate you”.

My heart breaks reading this. Hugs. I believe that love is never on vain. I'm proud of you for never giving up.

Thank you. This really meant a lot to me today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I visited Florida for the first time last week and felt deeply unhappy and lonely there. I'm an immigrant from Europe and always felt fine in DC and other states I've visited, but FL was inexplicably depressive.

I would check your diagnoses for depression. I am also from Europe and have been to different parts of Florida several times. There are a lot of European immigrants in Florida.

I don't know--I felt like this when I visited Arizona. We went there and i didn't like it at all. A couple of years ago we drove extensively through Arizona, Nevada and New Mexico. I again had bad, bad vibes in Arizona. I just hated everything about it even when I could see yes, some of this is beautiful. So sometimes a place reveals itself.

Do you travel to other parts of the world outside of US? Do you feel the same vibes in the Jordan desert as you felt in Arizona? Have you been to Africa? I am a PP and I love traveling to Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and Utah. Beutiful nature, unforgattable landscapes. How one can not enjoy it? We bring a lot of our friends from Europe to see canyons and they all love it. Have you climbed Havasu Falls in Arizona?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Much love to you all.

My DIL has not spoken to me in over a year except to ask for money. For the last 3 years we have picked up the tab for Christmas. Not that we're counting but over $20,000 in that time. That includes birthdays. And all we got was a picture of them dressed up to go to church. And it looked like an old picture. No video of our grandchild opening gifts, no Merry Christmas, nothing. She "forgot". We're still waiting for any pictures. Son doesn't say anything except make excuses.
I have decided not to fund this year. I just can't give to people that only know me when they want something. And I feel like a pos for what I'm going to do.

do they ask for the money?
if they ask you could just say you can't manage it this year. you don't have to tell them it's bc they're ungrateful.

+1

IO would be thrilled to have generous, or even kind ILs, OP. You have no obligation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter was basically born hating me and has been super independent since birth. It’s really getting awful now that she’s 15 but as long as she’s been alive she’s never really wanted parents. I’ve done my own personal therapy and she had her own therapist she sees weekly and we have a family therapist we see weekly. I’ve had a parent coach. I’ve gone to classes. I’ve read all the books (so has DH).

She’s had a neuropsych exam ($$$$) that found nothing. I was really hoping we could find some answers.

To me it’s heart breaking. It’s like she never attached to us despite me being a SAHM, loving her so much, doing all the activities with her at all stages, taking her on special mommy and me trips, coming to all her games and supporting her interests. Today she reminded me “I hate you”.

My heart breaks reading this. Hugs. I believe that love is never on vain. I'm proud of you for never giving up.

Thank you. This really meant a lot to me today.

Not the OP but in a similar situation with teen daughter. I don’t know how to overcome the feelings of rejection and inadequacy. I used to be very social but now am socially isolated because I am too ashamed and depressed to be around people. Op- I’m not sure if it helpful to know that you are not alone but just in case - you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I visited Florida for the first time last week and felt deeply unhappy and lonely there. I'm an immigrant from Europe and always felt fine in DC and other states I've visited, but FL was inexplicably depressive.

I would check your diagnoses for depression. I am also from Europe and have been to different parts of Florida several times. There are a lot of European immigrants in Florida.

I don't know--I felt like this when I visited Arizona. We went there and i didn't like it at all. A couple of years ago we drove extensively through Arizona, Nevada and New Mexico. I again had bad, bad vibes in Arizona. I just hated everything about it even when I could see yes, some of this is beautiful. So sometimes a place reveals itself.

Do you travel to other parts of the world outside of US? Do you feel the same vibes in the Jordan desert as you felt in Arizona? Have you been to Africa? I am a PP and I love traveling to Arizona, Nevada, New Mexico and Utah. Beutiful nature, unforgattable landscapes. How one can not enjoy it? We bring a lot of our friends from Europe to see canyons and they all love it. Have you climbed Havasu Falls in Arizona?

Not the same poster who didn't like Florida. I traveled all around that area. No, I didn't like Arizona but I liked Nevada and New Mexico (have not been to Utah). The point I was trying to make is that sometimes there are places inexplicably creep you out. That has been Arizona for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wasn’t going to post this because it’s so trivial and stupid and privileged next to all the very hard battles others are going through, but I need to say it somewhere and this thread is long enough that others aren’t paying attention anymore probably.

Really struggling with the private school application process. Massive stress over dc school play session and our chances and it feels like it is taking over my life. I’ve put so much time and thought into this and realizing it could all come to complete rejection is really hard. And its making me see dc differently too, which is the worst part.

I've been there. Don't view your child differently. My child only got into 1 middleschool, out of the 7 we applied to, the one that takes 60% of the applicants. Now in HS she aced the entrance exams, has straight As, and got citywide recognition for her special hook. I think she'll get in everywhere she applies. Sometimes kids need a little longer to grow. Give your child space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids hate me. I try to keep busy around the clock so I won’t cry as much. My heart is broken and I feel like my life has no meaning. I wish I could get a second chance at parenting.

What would you have done differently if you got a second chance at parenting?

Hard for me to answer that question. I think that my parenting mistakes were related to my poor choices including choosing their father as a mate. I was not well-prepared for raising a family and had zero awareness of this. I always thought that I prioritized my children and their needs but I realize now that I failed at this in many ways. I am sure that this is how they see things.

Kudos to your self awareness. Talk to them and build a relationship with the adults they've become. My mother fail me in so many ways too, but doesn't have this self awareness - like I suffered severe emotional neglect. Every time I had any emotions (good or bad) I was punished in some way. As an adult I don't experience joy for accomplishments. The only emotion I'm close to is anger - and I repress that very well - I get quiet, smile, and breathe - it makes me great at my job, but distant from my parents. I've worked through this some, but know that I'll never be normal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Holidays are here again and I'm sad. My 2 daughters were very close growing up but they haven't talked in 7 years. Ugly things were said by both in different ways that can't be taken back or worked through. I have always been a "fixer" but this is unfixable. We have 4 grandchildren from oldest who we are very close to. My youngest daughter hasn't met the 2 youngest grandkids. When the separation happened, the kids were kept away. Younger daughter lives in another town so we only see her when we go to visit. She has too much anxiety to come back to her home or hometown. Religion, sexuality, politics, everything that can be disagreed on, they do. We are in the middle, loving them both. Lots of therapy on my part did help but the sadness of the family togetherness we won't have, escalates during the holidays. I don't talk about either to the other and it's so weird. We never thought this would be our life. I'm sad for both of them and my grandkids. They are all missing out on so much because they are all such great loving, kind people and I just pray that someday LOVE will be enough for them to reconcile and not wait until one of us is on out deathbeds.

Clearly they have a different ideology and "love" will never be enough. It sounds like they could both benefit from learning a high level of tolerance for "other". Maybe then they can find their way back to common ground, and possibly love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Much love to you all.

My DIL has not spoken to me in over a year except to ask for money. For the last 3 years we have picked up the tab for Christmas. Not that we're counting but over $20,000 in that time. That includes birthdays. And all we got was a picture of them dressed up to go to church. And it looked like an old picture. No video of our grandchild opening gifts, no Merry Christmas, nothing. She "forgot". We're still waiting for any pictures. Son doesn't say anything except make excuses.
I have decided not to fund this year. I just can't give to people that only know me when they want something. And I feel like a pos for what I'm going to do.

do they ask for the money?
if they ask you could just say you can't manage it this year. you don't have to tell them it's bc they're ungrateful.

+1

IO would be thrilled to have generous, or even kind ILs, OP. You have no obligation.

+1
I would NEVER ask my ILs for money! Why do you expect DIL to send photos etc. Why not ask your son? Why is it her responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Currently living through worst year of my life. Delayed grief over my mom’s death; just turned 50 and questioning whether I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband (the answer is no, but I’m too afraid to hurt him by leaving). Have been severely depressed and don’t see a way out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Holidays are here again and I'm sad. My 2 daughters were very close growing up but they haven't talked in 7 years. Ugly things were said by both in different ways that can't be taken back or worked through. I have always been a "fixer" but this is unfixable. We have 4 grandchildren from oldest who we are very close to. My youngest daughter hasn't met the 2 youngest grandkids. When the separation happened, the kids were kept away. Younger daughter lives in another town so we only see her when we go to visit. She has too much anxiety to come back to her home or hometown. Religion, sexuality, politics, everything that can be disagreed on, they do. We are in the middle, loving them both. Lots of therapy on my part did help but the sadness of the family togetherness we won't have, escalates during the holidays. I don't talk about either to the other and it's so weird. We never thought this would be our life. I'm sad for both of them and my grandkids. They are all missing out on so much because they are all such great loving, kind people and I just pray that someday LOVE will be enough for them to reconcile and not wait until one of us is on out deathbeds.

Clearly they have a different ideology and "love" will never be enough. It sounds like they could both benefit from learning a high level of tolerance for "other". Maybe then they can find their way back to common ground, and possibly love.

You are correct. Love will never be enough. Tolerance would be a great way to approach this if I were to try again since they both think the other is wrong 100%. They are both 100% wrong about this but there isn't much more I can say. Thank you

[Anonymous]

I really don’t like myself these days, and motivating myself to try harder seems impossible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm figuring out aging with Cerebral Palsy. I'm exhausted all the time. Blood work doesn't indicate any issues there, BTW. It's the CP.

I need to exercise to maintain the strength and mobility I have now. I also need to lose weight. It's hard to do enough exercise to be beneficial without overdoing it.

Trying to figure it out is frustrating.

I'm in the same boat. I'm also in my late 30s, so it's frustrating that no one can relate to the aging process yet(on top of being disabled)