When did your parents stop going to their parents’ home for Thanksgiving? |
She didn't say her mom was mad. She said her mom looked like she'd been punched in the gut, which I read as surprised and hurt. |
When it was agreed that they would host. Grandparents weren’t told we were no longer coming. There wasn’t a competing dinner elsewhere. Also my grandparents basically lived in a studio apartment. |
So all OP’s mom did was “look” a certain way. Looks are open to interpretation. It could very well be that OP is exaggerating the situation.
And by “situation,” I mean her parents’ calm acceptance of OP’s decision. They didn’t argue, yell, guilt trip, threaten, etc. OP’s mom…looked surprised by info she didn’t know was coming. Like, OK. |
So you were involved in your parent's discussions about Thanksgiving with their parents? This happens outside of most kids' hearing/vision. |
Classic. OP starts a thread bragging about how she gut punched her mom, then when no one is impressed, she comes back to say: 1) actually I didn’t mention it but my mom is a narcissist who invites other peolel and makes me play scullery make so she deserved it; 2) I never read dcum but thought my approach would be helpful to many other lurkers on this site; 3) I don’t have time to be criticized so I’m out. Op I will say that if your mom is truly that awful, you handled it appropriately. But it is not good advice for anyone who has a reasonably normal mom. |
I was a teenager and well aware of what was going on. WTF? |
This is actually not true - it is always something of a shock to a matriarch who is now being told that a new generation is taking over and she is being put out to pasture. Every family goes through this rough adjustment OR the oldest generation keeps hosting until it becomes clear that it is too much work for them and they beg for mercy. OP's mom had a hurt look, but did not argue, etc. She did not dramatically overreact to something that clearly was a real disappointment for her. It is fine for OP to want to have a family dinner, but don't throw shade at Grandma who is having a normal reaction at being replaced. |
"gut punched" her mom by saying she wants to host her own thanksgiving and starting the discussion with the menu. talk about overwrought. |
I understand wanting to host Thanksgiving in your home and not travel, but what's the purpose of this post?
Your mom looked like she had been punched in the gut? Are you celebrating that? I hope you've done the decent thing and warned them and aren't gleeful over their shock. |
Bizarre that this one thread about such a mundane topic has gone on for 9 pages and thousands of views. |
I dunno. This Gen Xer thinks Boomer are holding on to most things too long. They can either keep and understand change or act all shocked that they "being put out to pasture." I guess if you are a woman and you no longer host, you are done. (eye roll). |
Yes! This is what I was thinking. It's very strange to go about it like op did. Op it sounds like you're saying "you're welcome to come... Or not. I don't care." Which would make anyone feel like they're not really wanted. |
NP. I guarantee if OP had come on here and phrased it like the posters above had suggested, you all would have bristled at her presumption. “You should have INVITED her, not just assumed her presence and steamrolled through!” I can hear it now. |
+1. My mom bosses us all around too. I'd rather bring folding chairs up from the basement than my older parents. |