Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

Ok you all know some men who are thrilled to be a SAHP and not work. That is not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people find staying home wrong and against a deep desire. Work feels right, if they have the privilege to choose, they choose work.
I found staying home felt right while working felt wrong for me. More than a "preference", it made infallible sense to me. I had the privilege of choice and went with my strong feeling. It can be difficult for either side if you are fed judgments, opinions and doomsday scenarios.
I think it's rare to be so much on the fence and calculating every aspect.
Op, it might help you to stop considering positives vs. negatives. You have the privilege to choose so, go about your regular days and see which direction you're being pulled without all the feedback.
I have been unsure about many major life decisions but this one was clear, hope you find the same clarity no matter where you land.

What's your explanation as to why only women married to men of a certain income level seem to get this moment of crystal clarity and a strong gut feeling they are meant to never work? Or do many people feel this way and just have to work anyway?

DP. My explanation is that most people are working for the paycheck. These women don’t need a paycheck.

Yeah, I agree with your explanation on some level.

However men (and some women) get a lot of their identity in their career and jobs. It's not just a paycheck. Most men would have a real problem saying they never worked and don't have a career. They're not getting "the strong feeling" to be unemployed. They would view it as embarrassing.

Most women I know who became SAHM did work outside the home. Why are you assuming these women "never worked"?

This is same poster back. I revise the wording. Not having worked in 25 years is not never working. I agree. I do think most men don't want to say at the age of 55-60 they haven't worked in 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people find staying home wrong and against a deep desire. Work feels right, if they have the privilege to choose, they choose work.
I found staying home felt right while working felt wrong for me. More than a "preference", it made infallible sense to me. I had the privilege of choice and went with my strong feeling. It can be difficult for either side if you are fed judgments, opinions and doomsday scenarios.
I think it's rare to be so much on the fence and calculating every aspect.
Op, it might help you to stop considering positives vs. negatives. You have the privilege to choose so, go about your regular days and see which direction you're being pulled without all the feedback.
I have been unsure about many major life decisions but this one was clear, hope you find the same clarity no matter where you land.

What's your explanation as to why only women married to men of a certain income level seem to get this moment of crystal clarity and a strong gut feeling they are meant to never work? Or do many people feel this way and just have to work anyway?

PP explains it with the "privilege of choice." Other women can't afford to go down this path of seeking clarity. They simply must bring in that paycheck. Or they do have that clarity that they're meant to not work, but have to keep their job anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

Ok you all know some men who are thrilled to be a SAHP and not work. That is not the norm.

A SAHP is not the norm but still an option for families today with the resources.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

+2 DH's nephew is engaged to an Apple attorney. He has been self-employed doing freelance software projects since they graduated from college. They are planning on having several kids and he is fine with being the SAHP to make it possible for his wife to bring in the big bucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some people find staying home wrong and against a deep desire. Work feels right, if they have the privilege to choose, they choose work.
I found staying home felt right while working felt wrong for me. More than a "preference", it made infallible sense to me. I had the privilege of choice and went with my strong feeling. It can be difficult for either side if you are fed judgments, opinions and doomsday scenarios.
I think it's rare to be so much on the fence and calculating every aspect.
Op, it might help you to stop considering positives vs. negatives. You have the privilege to choose so, go about your regular days and see which direction you're being pulled without all the feedback.
I have been unsure about many major life decisions but this one was clear, hope you find the same clarity no matter where you land.

What's your explanation as to why only women married to men of a certain income level seem to get this moment of crystal clarity and a strong gut feeling they are meant to never work? Or do many people feel this way and just have to work anyway?

Not the PP, but yes, I think it's much more difficult to make that decision if the other spouse does not make enough to support your current lifestyle or have the potential to easily grow into a job with that pay level. I'm sure there are plenty of women(and men) making $50K/year who would love to be SAHP but cannot justify dropping the family income from $100K to only $50K (or the equivalent). It's definately easier to make that choice when your partner makes good money and has the potential to continue doing so

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest post and is another data point showing that big salary does not equal big brains (assuming your husband didn’t deliberately marry a complete nincompoop and is therefore also not that bright).

Why do you need to crowdsource on a mommy message board whether or not finances are a consideration in staying home with your kids when your husband’s income is over a MILLION dollars a year? Why can’t you figure out how to have your husband contribute to a retirement account on your behalf if you’re worried about that? Why can’t the two of you save a huge chunk of that massive income so you don’t have to worry about things going catastrophically bad?

Ridiculous. I kind of hope you’re just a troll.

I don’t think she’s a troll so much as a humble braggart. Or bored and making up things to feel good about herself for.

Anyone else out there as wealthy and fabulous as my family that can relate? We make between $1M-$4M a year and I’m like, soooo worried we don’t have enough for me to do what I really wanna do, which is just take a break!!

We get it. You out-married all the girls who were mean to you in your small town Ohio high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

Ok you all know some men who are thrilled to be a SAHP and not work. That is not the norm.

A SAHP is not the norm but still an option for families today with the resources.

I had clarity that I wanted to stay at home. I'm glad I followed that instinct. I could see how people's lives get too crazy and busy once they have kids. And the whole family life seemed much too hectic. I am a workaholic so I knew that cutting back at work wasn't going to be something I was good at.

My mother was also a workaholic and we barely had any attention from her. I didn't want to go in that direction.

I am grateful that it's kept my family out of the lifestyle creep (spending lots of money on crap that will clutter up our landfills and oceans). We just don't have the cash to spend, so we don't. We do save plenty, though.

The only regret I have is wondering what I could have done in my career, but my career was quite advanced when I left it behind, so I'm not really regretful there.

[Anonymous]

I stayed home until my kids started school. I loved being there with them. We struggled financially when I was home but it was worth it to us. We have no long term financial regrets. Do what is best for you and your family, whatever that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people find staying home wrong and against a deep desire. Work feels right, if they have the privilege to choose, they choose work.
I found staying home felt right while working felt wrong for me. More than a "preference", it made infallible sense to me. I had the privilege of choice and went with my strong feeling. It can be difficult for either side if you are fed judgments, opinions and doomsday scenarios.
I think it's rare to be so much on the fence and calculating every aspect.
Op, it might help you to stop considering positives vs. negatives. You have the privilege to choose so, go about your regular days and see which direction you're being pulled without all the feedback.
I have been unsure about many major life decisions but this one was clear, hope you find the same clarity no matter where you land.

+2

I SAH for three years after my first was born - I was miserable. I now have three kids and am happy to work FT.

Different things work for different people. I have seen absolutely brilliant SAHMs and envy their creativity and organization. But it just wasn’t for me.

[Anonymous]

No, not for a minute. If I had been working, I never would have seen my kids.

Now that I'm back at work FT though I'm in savings overdrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, not for a minute. If I had been working, I never would have seen my kids.

Now that I'm back at work FT though I'm in savings overdrive.

Such a crap answer. It’s okay for your husband not to have seen the kids though, right?