Do any SAHMs regret it because of financial reasons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, not for a minute. If I had been working, I never would have seen my kids.

Now that I'm back at work FT though I'm in savings overdrive.

Such a crap answer. It’s okay for your husband not to have seen the kids though, right?

I was SAHM and that is how we wanted it. My husband was not interested in SAHP at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the stupidest post and is another data point showing that big salary does not equal big brains (assuming your husband didn’t deliberately marry a complete nincompoop and is therefore also not that bright).

Why do you need to crowdsource on a mommy message board whether or not finances are a consideration in staying home with your kids when your husband’s income is over a MILLION dollars a year? Why can’t you figure out how to have your husband contribute to a retirement account on your behalf if you’re worried about that? Why can’t the two of you save a huge chunk of that massive income so you don’t have to worry about things going catastrophically bad?

Ridiculous. I kind of hope you’re just a troll.

I don’t think she’s a troll so much as a humble braggart. Or bored and making up things to feel good about herself for.

Anyone else out there as wealthy and fabulous as my family that can relate? We make between $1M-$4M a year and I’m like, soooo worried we don’t have enough for me to do what I really wanna do, which is just take a break!!

I don't think OP is a troll. I was her 20 years ago and chose to become a SAHM. DH didn't make 1 mil all of that time, but for a substantial part of it, and still makes over 500k. I was scared to stay at home for so many reasons from worrying whether my marriage would last to if I'd have regrets about not pursuing my own dreams. I decided to live in the present and not worry about the future. My kids will all be in college soon, and I will pursue something else. Not as high-paying as it would have been if I'd never quit, but I don't need it to be. OP, if you feel incredibly passionate about your job and hate quitting, then keep working. If you don't feel that way, then stay at home. I've really enjoyed being there for my kids and also having a calmer home life. Working then having to take care of everything else involved with running a home is a grind.

We get it. You out-married all the girls who were mean to you in your small town Ohio high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

Where do you all live that you know all these stay at home dads? I do not know a single one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

Where do you all live that you know all these stay at home dads? I do not know a single one.

I know two in my very middle class neighborhood. One has a wife who is a fed and the other one is married to a teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

If you have 8k a month for all of those things, would you spend 15-20k on business class seats?

If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.

I don’t think PP is saying she’s too poor to afford business class. What she’s saying is if you spend 15-20k on business class seats it’s going to have to come from somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

If you have 8k a month for all of those things, would you spend 15-20k on business class seats?

If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.

I don’t think PP is saying she’s too poor to afford business class. What she’s saying is if you spend 15-20k on business class seats it’s going to have to come from somewhere else.

+100 PP are you seriously suggesting someone spend two months take home salary on a few hours worth of airplane travel? I think you're the one who's bad with budgeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

Where do you all live that you know all these stay at home dads? I do not know a single one.

I know two in my very middle class neighborhood. One has a wife who is a fed and the other one is married to a teacher.

You’re not answering the Q of where. I’ll answer. I live in Arlington and don’t know a single one. The idea that stay at home dads are all around us is a bit of news to me. But yay for progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. No regrets that I spent time with my kids and they have done well in life. And I am a frugal person, living in a nice house in an average neighborhood and my kids went to public schools and state flagships - so I do not need a whole lot of money. I have a happy marriage and my DH makes a decent amount of money upwards of $400K.

I have enough for our needs and some wants too.

BUT if I won the lottery, I would fly everywhere in business and first class. I hate travelling in cattle class, especially flying for 20 hours in cattle class. I am too old for this crap!!!

Your post seemed sane until you mentioned that your husband makes over 400 goddam thousand dollars a year and you can’t figure out how to fly business or first class.

DCUM posters, a serious question: what in the actual hell do you guys do with all your money?

Np
At 3x that income we would not consider first or business class either. I also dream of having enough to buy those tickets. Maybe we should cut back on housekeeping but that wouldn't make a dent in paying so much for flights. We travel far and often but those seats would equal a vehicle for our family of four. We've over splurged on hotels though.

+1

At 400K we would rarely pay for a business class. It is simply not in the budget at that income level, unless you live in a VLCOL area and your house is only $150K

Unless you are completely mismanaging your money (which I suspect many of you are), or you are flying overseas with the entire family on a monthly basis, there is absolutely zero reason why you cannot afford business class tickets for your family vacation at an income of 400K, and it should not even make you bat an eye.

I would love to see some of your budgets because many of you clearly need a lot of help.

So if you are making $400K, then you are taking home $260K (after fed and state taxes and FICA). Add in $20K for each spouse for 401K and another $6.5K each for IRA---that's $53K reduction. If you have 2 Kids, then take away $25K/year for college savings (at a minimum)--this might pay for in-state for 4 years for each kid.

So now I have only paid taxes, saved for retirement and college (the bare minimum) and I have $182K remaining for everything else.



My monthly mortgage on a million dollar home will be $6K+ for mortgage, insurance, prop taxes ($72K). Health insurance plus medical co-pays/fees per month will easily be $1K, and the kids are not even old enough for braces.

Add in vehicle insurance, costs for cars, etc...

Then I've got food, clothing, etc.

Oh and perhaps we need to fly to see family once per year in the USA.

So sure, I technically could afford to pay business class for a trip to Europe for my family of 4, but that would be $4K/person vs $1.2K/person. So $16K vs 4.8K. I will be flying economy and using the difference to help pay for the rest of the vacation.

What I am getting out of your post is that you have approximately $100,000 after paying taxes, retirement savings, college savings, mortgage, and health insurance. So let’s say you have about 8K per month to pay for food, clothing, transportation, and entertainment. That is an absolute f***ton of money.

So yes, you can “technically” and OBVIOUSLY afford to spring for business class tickets on your yearly European vacation if that is something that matters to you (and I am not sure how many rich posters on here were whining about “cattle class” or if you were one of them). That you choose not to is just that, a CHOICE.

(TLDR: your post only confirms you would be an idiot to pretend you can’t afford business class on 400K income. Stop crying poor, it’s ridiculous.)

If you have 8k a month for all of those things, would you spend 15-20k on business class seats?

If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.

I don’t think PP is saying she’s too poor to afford business class. What she’s saying is if you spend 15-20k on business class seats it’s going to have to come from somewhere else.

+100 PP are you seriously suggesting someone spend two months take home salary on a few hours worth of airplane travel? I think you're the one who's bad with budgeting.

No, what I am saying outright is that if business class is important to you (as claimed by the anti “cattle class” posters) then you can ABSOLUTELY AFFORD to pay for it on this level of income. It has nothing whatsoever to do with what you or I do or would choose to do, the fact of the matter is that it is something that YOU CAN EASILY AFFORD if you choose to do so.

And it would not be two months take home salary… it would be two months of discretionary income after the majority of basic needs and savings goals have been met.

As for this:
“ If you earned 100k a year would you spend 5% of your income on plane tickets for one vacation? My guess is no.”
If an average middle class family ever wants to take a vacation to Europe, then this is about right… but they of course would need to fly coach to make it work. Not the case with the 400K earners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

Where do you all live that you know all these stay at home dads? I do not know a single one.

I know two in my very middle class neighborhood. One has a wife who is a fed and the other one is married to a teacher.

You’re not answering the Q of where. I’ll answer. I live in Arlington and don’t know a single one. The idea that stay at home dads are all around us is a bit of news to me. But yay for progress.

I'll bite. Metro LA. Wife is a managing director at a hedge fund and husband SAHD with three children. Met in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

Where do you all live that you know all these stay at home dads? I do not know a single one.

I know two in my very middle class neighborhood. One has a wife who is a fed and the other one is married to a teacher.

You’re not answering the Q of where. I’ll answer. I live in Arlington and don’t know a single one. The idea that stay at home dads are all around us is a bit of news to me. But yay for progress.

I'll bite. Metro LA. Wife is a managing director at a hedge fund and husband SAHD with three children. Met in college.

I know another sahd. From hs. Brilliant guy but seemed to lose motivation in college

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my second child earlier this year and I’m really feeling the pull to stay at home, mostly because I’m not in love with my job and our home life feels so hectic all the time because my husband and I both have those stereotypical “very busy” jobs. (I know this won’t be popular but we would keep our nanny for a while so I would have time to devote to household things other than just childcare, so I do think staying home would improve how smoothly our lives run vs. how it is now.)

Anyways, I know there are lots of women who always post “don’t stay at home, your husband might leave you and you won’t be able to support yourself!” Which I hear and I do consider that risk.

But posting this in the money/finances section because I would really like to hear from anyone who ended up regretting staying at home because financial problems became an issue later on (not due to divorce). This is my main fear in making the decision.

Or if everything worked out for you and your partner financially and you are very glad you decided to stay at home, please share as well!

I did not read the thread.
Want to say that staying home with kids was a big financial and more important emotional mistake for me. I should have made more of an effort to find work, but I had a very sick child, so it made sense for me to stay at home. Now the kids are grown and I am totally miserable and I absolutely hate my life completely and totally. I am BORED out of my mind, but I can't get a job because of my AGE and the huge gap in my resume. I got some training, lost weight, dyed my hair, etc., but still, age and that hole in my resume are holding me back. I'm volunteering and getting more education while I hope someone thinks I'm worth hiring. I deeply regret giving up my job to stay home with kids. I could have managed to go get a grad degree or part-time work, but it was so hard, so I didn't. I'm doing clerical work as a volunteer, and I'm happy to at least contribute to a good cause and have something to do. Sucks, OP. Don't quit your job, or at least work part time and keep the nanny. You will regret giving up your career. I surely do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP and I haven't read the replies, but I'm giving you mine.

DH and I met in law school and we both started out in Big Law, then I got the consulting job of my dreams so I did that. We had no family nearby. When we decided to have kids, it became clear that something had to give or we'd have to nanny out our kids. I decided to SAH because my job involved too much travel, and even if I went part-time it wouldn't work.

In our situation, DH could really concentrate on work, and because of that, he became a much bigger deal than he otherwise would. It's the same old annoying story, that man who is wildly successful but supported by a woman (or women) who is running everything non-work-related in his life. This model works but yes, there is a bit of invisibility in the job. (my job).

We had some rough times (miscarriage, SN kid, cancer, DH depression at one point, parent illnesses and deaths, mentally unstable teen), but while I felt I was too rusty to re-enter my field, I never felt vulnerable financially partly because of the way we invested our money, but mostly because my DH is the kind of person that would not leave me or us out financially even if the marriage did not work out. He's not mean, hostile, or vindictive, so a bad situation would not trigger that response in him. So my point here is, since it is a financial risk for you, you have to be honest with yourself about your DH's character.

Also, I'll say something that really helped our marriage early on when we had a toddler and an infant. I stopped giving him "the second shift" --basically the honey-do list when he came home. That took a lot of pressure off him, and I think subconciously, made him want to come home, and he found ways to come home earlier. Basically, I just decided to create an environment where he'd want to come home. At work, he's got pressure and the work is never-ending, but also, he had a bunch of people fawning all over him, and both those things contribute to workaholism. While that can be intoxicating, it's still not as good as when your loved ones are excited to see you walk through the door.

We just celebrated our 25th anniversary and were at a hotel and the young staff kept asking us what the secret was. We hadn't reflected on that, so we discussed it at dinner. We decided that it was that we:
1) both considered ourselves lucky to have the other, and
2) both tried hard to be worthy of the other.
That mentality definitely requires adoption by both indivdiuals; it won't work one-sided. But if your marriage has that, then that's a good indicator that you can take the SAH leap of faith.

Good luck, OP!

PP, how have you invested your money such that you have never felt financially vulnerable.

Top PP here. BTW my post generated lots of commentary by other PPs, not me. But this PP made me reflect further about what I wrote. So, when I say I've never felt financially vulnerable, I don't mean vis-a-vis the world or the market, I mean with vis-a-vis my DH.

However; something about my situation that I hadn't thought of which may make my situation unique, is that as a child, after my parents split up, I grew up quite poor. It was probably the main reason that I ended up in law school and then in big law, that need for financial security. Fortunately, I've not allowed myself to give in to a certain tendency that can come with this kind of childhood experience, which is, "feeling" that no amount is ever enough. So I'm okay that way.
Conversely, as I experienced financial security, something else happened...I know how to live with very little, so (unlike when starting out) I'm not scared of living smaller--I know I can do it, and when my kids were little, I knew that, say my DH died, that I could make a life for our kids on very little. So, that might differentiate me from others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nephew freelances as a website designer. His wife is a busy pharmaceutical executive pulling down in the high six figures. They are expecting their first child. Guess who will the the SAHP? Is he embarrassed? Heck no! They can't wait!

+1 I know a lot of guys in their 30s who are good with this. It's not the norm yet, but it's fairly common and not looked down upon. Most guys their age are jealous of how they got such a sweet deal.

-2

I do not know one woman who’d be happy with this.

You need to widen your circle, pp. Many women have said they would have been able to lean in much more with a "wife" (sahp).

Where do you all live that you know all these stay at home dads? I do not know a single one.

I knew several as the wives are the high earner.