Can you actually prevent teens from having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get them a chastity belt. That's really about it. No guarantees otherwise. Google some pix.

You can still have A sex with most chasity belts on.

Have you seen the old ones? That would really hurt. If you are talking Clinton's definition of "sex", then yea, it's possible with a chastity belt on but can't get pregnant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

Legally, a 15 year old is still considered an infant and is incapable of giving consent.

At 15 regardless of what the law says they should know right from wrong, personally boundaries and mutual consent in non sexual situations.

My son know that if a partner says I don’t like XYZ, XYZ is not comfortable, I don’t want to try that you stop immediately and you don’t push the issue. That conversation is easy and the comprehension of the conversation should be expected at that age.

Right, and young women know how to voice what they like and don't like very easily so there is never any issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

Legally, a 15 year old is still considered an infant and is incapable of giving consent.

At 15 regardless of what the law says they should know right from wrong, personally boundaries and mutual consent in non sexual situations.

My son know that if a partner says I don’t like XYZ, XYZ is not comfortable, I don’t want to try that you stop immediately and you don’t push the issue. That conversation is easy and the comprehension of the conversation should be expected at that age.

Right, and young women know how to voice what they like and don't like very easily so there is never any issue.

I wonder if young men can communicate as effectively as women these days....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is such an ick and literally emotional abuse, sexism, and disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending them to a girls' school would help. Sure, there are girls who have sex but my daughter and friends are juniors and have never dated (or in most cases even talked with boys). I was just talking to a group of parents whose daughters graduated in June and they're heading to college having never dated, kissed, etc. boys. We were talking about it in the context of it NOT being an ideal part of an all-girls education but if you're hoping to have your daughter avoid any physical relationship in high school it might help.

My nieces at Holton are incredibly boy crazy. A single sex school takes the opposite sex out of the classroom but doesn’t prevent all contact with the opposite sex. In some ways, I think it makes the kids more obsessed with the opposite sex because they don’t see them as friends/peers on equal footing. Most single sex schools seem to have a match where the boys/girls socialize. For example Holton and Landon or GP and Stoneridge.

I went to Whitman and Holton girls were very popular for a reason

The irony in your comment is hilarious

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

That's just disgusting in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?

I'd love to know which backwards country this is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?

I'd love to know which backwards country this is.

In one sentence, you convey what kind of xenophobic dunderhead you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I guess the real question is why would you want to? To prevent pregnancy? There are ways to do that. To prevent teens from taking on emotional situations that are beyond their capacity? Maybe focus on the whole child and nurturing capabilities and leadership that lead to self esteem and self awareness in all areas.
I'm not saying teens should be having sex, but we all know that they are. Before we get too freaked out or scared, it's important to consider what our actual goals are and work from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Cherry-pickers scrounge outliers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Cherry-pickers scrounge outliers.

You think teens being super horny is the outlier position?

It should give all the anxious parents of teens some comfort that teens are reportedly having historically low amounts of sex, compared to our older generations.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-intelligence/202208/why-todays-teens-are-having-so-much-less-sex

So maybe you don't need to do anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Nothing keeps a hormonal kid from thinking about sexual exploration. If they aren't exploring innocent relationships in high school, they are the ones on porn online thinking this is the norm and goes on to assault woman in college, not because they mean to, but because they are immature and learned from porn - not their peers or parents. My kid goes to an engineering nerd college and sexual assaults are SKY HIGH.