Can you actually prevent teens from having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Cherry-pickers scrounge outliers.

You think teens being super horny is the outlier position?

It should give all the anxious parents of teens some comfort that teens are reportedly having historically low amounts of sex, compared to our older generations.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-intelligence/202208/why-todays-teens-are-having-so-much-less-sex

So maybe you don't need to do anything.

Because teens are more well informed and having normal conversations. And woman no longer feel the need to appease men and they also now report sexual assaults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get them a chastity belt. That's really about it. No guarantees otherwise. Google some pix.

You can still have A sex with most chasity belts on.

Have you seen the old ones? That would really hurt. If you are talking Clinton's definition of "sex", then yea, it's possible with a chastity belt on but can't get pregnant.

Actually I am talking about the one I own and others I frequently see. Mine is what I would describe as a functional one I can still go to the bathroom. I wouldn’t want yo put my daughter in one where I was essentially changing a metal diaper everyday.

[Anonymous]

If DD did not like football or crowds, would you make her go to the superbowl with her grandfather? If not, why make her go the Taylor Swift with her grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?

I'd love to know which backwards country this is.

In one sentence, you convey what kind of xenophobic dunderhead you are.

Judging from a lot of these comments, sounds like plenty of Americans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get them a chastity belt. That's really about it. No guarantees otherwise. Google some pix.

You can still have A sex with most chasity belts on.

Have you seen the old ones? That would really hurt. If you are talking Clinton's definition of "sex", then yea, it's possible with a chastity belt on but can't get pregnant.

Actually I am talking about the one I own and others I frequently see. Mine is what I would describe as a functional one I can still go to the bathroom. I wouldn’t want yo put my daughter in one where I was essentially changing a metal diaper everyday.

You must have had a lot of fun with your own parts while you wrote that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

hahhahahhaaa. This is what I was thinking too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Cherry-pickers scrounge outliers.

You think teens being super horny is the outlier position?

It should give all the anxious parents of teens some comfort that teens are reportedly having historically low amounts of sex, compared to our older generations.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-intelligence/202208/why-todays-teens-are-having-so-much-less-sex

So maybe you don't need to do anything.

Because teens are more well informed and having normal conversations. And woman no longer feel the need to appease men and they also now report sexual assaults.

You must be joking, right?

Kids social and interpersonal skills are at an all-time low. Many have hundreds of online “friends” and ZERO friends they ever meet in person.

Insta, snaps, and Discord chats are not the “normal conversations” you seem to think we did not have enough of, but now kids are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Cherry-pickers scrounge outliers.

You think teens being super horny is the outlier position?

It should give all the anxious parents of teens some comfort that teens are reportedly having historically low amounts of sex, compared to our older generations.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-intelligence/202208/why-todays-teens-are-having-so-much-less-sex

So maybe you don't need to do anything.

Because teens are more well informed and having normal conversations. And woman no longer feel the need to appease men and they also now report sexual assaults.

You must be joking, right?

Kids social and interpersonal skills are at an all-time low. Many have hundreds of online “friends” and ZERO friends they ever meet in person.

Insta, snaps, and Discord chats are not the “normal conversations” you seem to think we did not have enough of, but now kids are.

Kids have little idea how to interact with each other today, let alone interacting with the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Cherry-pickers scrounge outliers.

You think teens being super horny is the outlier position?

It should give all the anxious parents of teens some comfort that teens are reportedly having historically low amounts of sex, compared to our older generations.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/sexual-intelligence/202208/why-todays-teens-are-having-so-much-less-sex

So maybe you don't need to do anything.

Because teens are more well informed and having normal conversations. And woman no longer feel the need to appease men and they also now report sexual assaults.

You must be joking, right?

Kids social and interpersonal skills are at an all-time low. Many have hundreds of online “friends” and ZERO friends they ever meet in person.

Insta, snaps, and Discord chats are not the “normal conversations” you seem to think we did not have enough of, but now kids are.

Kids have little idea how to interact with each other today, let alone interacting with the opposite sex.

Which I hope we can agree is a bad thing.

Having sex as a teenager isn't an inherently bad thing. In a LTR, with someone that you have feelings for, who treats you with respect, its not bad. I was sexually active at 17 and I don't regret it. It was a wonderful time in my life and one I look back on fondly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent who immigrated to the United States when my daughter was born, I was raised in a country where cultural norms, religious beliefs, and social expectations strongly discourage premarital sex. Romantic relationships prior to college are discouraged and are seen as distractions from pursuing education and personality development. The prevailing belief is that teenage minds are not mature enough to handle the emotional challenges that come with committed relationships.

I visit these forums to gain a general understanding of how parents in the suburban NOVA area approach issues related to teenagers. Is sexual abstinence not emphasized among teenagers anymore? Do parents here generally accept that teenagers will somehow engage in sex and so focus on guiding them to practice safe sex? If a parent engages in open conversations about safe sex and its significance, wouldn't it imply indirectly to their teenager that the parent acknowledges their child will likely engage in sexual activity and is accepting of it? Would a teenager perceive their parent as old fashioned if they emphasize on sexual abstinence at least until after high school or college entrance? How do you help your teenager understand preserving self dignity involves valuing their own body and personal boundaries, and that it should not be compromised in casual sexual encounters, even if safe sex precautions are taken?

I'd love to know which backwards country this is.

Hmmm. Not the p(pp), but I am an immigrant too and with the same values our children are ahead of the pack in academic and scholastic achievements. Have you heard about the achievement gap??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

Seriously, you can't think of any reasons a teenager might want to get busy?

Exposure to sexually explicit material at home at a young age or being sexually abused or a victim of incest??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Did you see how this was a family that was going through trauma of losing a dad and a mom with a busy career?? If there was a grandma in the family instead of a young cousin… maybe things would have been different with the young girl. Anyhow, the point is not that Indian kids are not curious about romance or even sex, but by not normalizing romantic relationships or sec for teens, and keeping them very busy with education and ECs and creating a community around them, they have a better chance that they will get an opportunity for sex when they are adults and when they are academically on the right path. Anyways, statistics prove the Indian Americans are doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture. There is nothing to feel proud of if your teen is having sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

Seriously, you can't think of any reasons a teenager might want to get busy?

Exposure to sexually explicit material at home at a young age or being sexually abused or a victim of incest??

Really? that's why you think teenagers get down, because they've all been victims of incest? Nothing to do with normal, age-appropriate hormones.

You guys are nuts. In the right circumstances, there's nothing wrong with being sexually active as a teen

you guys act like basic biology doesnt exist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Did you see how this was a family that was going through trauma of losing a dad and a mom with a busy career?? If there was a grandma in the family instead of a young cousin… maybe things would have been different with the young girl. Anyhow, the point is not that Indian kids are not curious about romance or even sex, but by not normalizing romantic relationships or sec for teens, and keeping them very busy with education and ECs and creating a community around them, they have a better chance that they will get an opportunity for sex when they are adults and when they are academically on the right path. Anyways, statistics prove the Indian Americans are doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture. There is nothing to feel proud of if your teen is having sex.

There's also nothing to automatically be ashamed of either