Can you actually prevent teens from having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I didn't have sex until college. My parents especially my father was very clear that if I got pregnant I would be on my own.
I'm not sure what would have happened but it put the fear of God in me.
Now I'm wondering what to do with my own kids. I don't want to make idle threats, but the other thread about allowing the 15 yo over at her boyfriends house is making me think that I need to think of something.
My oldest child is 10 so we haven't had the full sex talk yet.
What are other parents doing to prevent teenage sex/pregnancy etc.

There's absolutely nothing you can do to prevent teenagers from having sex. Cars, backyards, golf courses, spare rooms at parties, bathrooms. Teenagers will make it work.

The only thing a parent can do is talk about consent and values. That's it. And birth control. Teenagers are going to do their thing. Your job as a parent is to make sure they make reasonably good choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1

This coupled with discussion about all the ways an unexpected pregnancy would derail personal, academic, and professional plans. I remind my girls of the many opportunities they have and how success is far easier if they keep their noses clean (and their knees together!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get them a chastity belt. That's really about it. No guarantees otherwise. Google some pix.

You can still have A sex with most chasity belts on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

They do if you talk to them about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending them to a girls' school would help. Sure, there are girls who have sex but my daughter and friends are juniors and have never dated (or in most cases even talked with boys). I was just talking to a group of parents whose daughters graduated in June and they're heading to college having never dated, kissed, etc. boys. We were talking about it in the context of it NOT being an ideal part of an all-girls education but if you're hoping to have your daughter avoid any physical relationship in high school it might help.

My nieces at Holton are incredibly boy crazy. A single sex school takes the opposite sex out of the classroom but doesn’t prevent all contact with the opposite sex. In some ways, I think it makes the kids more obsessed with the opposite sex because they don’t see them as friends/peers on equal footing. Most single sex schools seem to have a match where the boys/girls socialize. For example Holton and Landon or GP and Stoneridge.

[Anonymous]

You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sending them to a girls' school would help. Sure, there are girls who have sex but my daughter and friends are juniors and have never dated (or in most cases even talked with boys). I was just talking to a group of parents whose daughters graduated in June and they're heading to college having never dated, kissed, etc. boys. We were talking about it in the context of it NOT being an ideal part of an all-girls education but if you're hoping to have your daughter avoid any physical relationship in high school it might help.

My nieces at Holton are incredibly boy crazy. A single sex school takes the opposite sex out of the classroom but doesn’t prevent all contact with the opposite sex. In some ways, I think it makes the kids more obsessed with the opposite sex because they don’t see them as friends/peers on equal footing. Most single sex schools seem to have a match where the boys/girls socialize. For example Holton and Landon or GP and Stoneridge.

I went to Whitman and Holton girls were very popular for a reason

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sending them to a girls' school would help. Sure, there are girls who have sex but my daughter and friends are juniors and have never dated (or in most cases even talked with boys). I was just talking to a group of parents whose daughters graduated in June and they're heading to college having never dated, kissed, etc. boys. We were talking about it in the context of it NOT being an ideal part of an all-girls education but if you're hoping to have your daughter avoid any physical relationship in high school it might help.

My DC and all her friends at her fancy all girls school were having lots of sex during 11th and 12th grade. Class of 2023. These parents are in denial.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Purity culture is weird

Agree. I don’t want my kids waiting until their wedding night. You need to be sexually compatible for a marriage to work.

Do you have your kids enrolled in a sex travel league to be their best by wedding night?

And when they are no longer sexually compatible? Divorce?

do you really think a marriage that survives a lifetime had to be because they are f***ing their entire lifetime?

I definitely don't want my kid to get married in order to have sex because that's the ticket into that club. Having multiple sexual partners also teaches you that it's just a piece of the compatibility puzzle.

If you setup your kids to think that marriage works only if sex works, it should come as no surprise if they turn themselves into a school slut or town slut to discover their ideal partner. And when that perfect partner leaves them due to wrinkles, weight gain, thinning grey hair, and a reduced sex drive, they should consider their divorce justified?

+1
When looking for a potential spouse, one should concentrate on kindness and generosity. It won’t matter how little experienced in bed someone is if they are willing to learn to please. And it won’t matter how greatly experienced someone is if they are too selfish to care.

[Anonymous]

You think teens are thinking about marriage? That's a lifetime away from their thoughts. If they're not having sex, they're thinking about it. Were your parents aware of every sexual encounter you had as a teen? Obviously a lot more is going on than you know or hear about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Yes, as far as I can tell. That was the first thing I flipped out about, even though we have talked about consent for years. I thought he would wait until he was in a mutually caring, committed relationship. But nope!

He has access to condoms and Plan B. Even though I preach no sex until 18 and in committed relationship, I'm not stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

Legally, a 15 year old is still considered an infant and is incapable of giving consent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

Legally, a 15 year old is still considered an infant and is incapable of giving consent.

+1. I talk with my kids about a lot of things. That doesn't mean they fully understand what it means, especially in the heat of the moment. There are adults who get confused about consent all the time -- they think they want something, and then realize that they didn't really want it. Why do we think teens would be better at this than adults?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

I have to wonder what your childhood was like or if you, perhaps, are not NT. People, not just teens, have sex for all kinds of reasons but one of the biggest is that it (and the lead up to it) feel really good. NOTHING feels like sexual attraction and the physicality of sex. Even when there are abhorrent, tragic consequences for having extra/pre-marital sex, people engage in it because of the feelings and pleasure it generates. How can you not know that or remember that from your youth? I was born in the 60s in the rural, conservative, bible thumping midwest. A girl/woman's value was definitely diminished having sex outside of marriage or, god forbid, being a 'slut'. Yet, teen pregnancy was prevalent.

Unless you're willing to lock down your teens and impose stiffling restrictions and conditions on them, you cannot completely control their bodily autonomy. You are better off having age appropriate conversations about sex, contraception, feelings, relationships and medical care starting at early ages so that when your kids are making decisions, they make better ones. Don't forget to include drugs/alcohol in those conversations.

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

+1

Teen sex is because hormones are RAGING and there are lots of similarly young and horny people around

Yeah. My kids have a very stable, two parent household, and I've done everything "right" by today's standards of investing in character, emotional growth, resilience, etc., and I have a wonderful relationship with my son. He tells me everything. That's how I found out he had casual sex at a Memorial Day party in Potomac this past spring.

Was it consensual for both people involved? Were they safe? If yes, you raised him well and you have a son who respects others and has responsible sex.

Were they 15? Because at that age, do they really know how to give consent and be safe?

Legally, a 15 year old is still considered an infant and is incapable of giving consent.

At 15 regardless of what the law says they should know right from wrong, personally boundaries and mutual consent in non sexual situations.

My son know that if a partner says I don’t like XYZ, XYZ is not comfortable, I don’t want to try that you stop immediately and you don’t push the issue. That conversation is easy and the comprehension of the conversation should be expected at that age.