Can you actually prevent teens from having sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

[Anonymous]

Walmart sells a kit called “CheckMate” made to test for unfaithful wives, but it also can be used to check daughters.

The way it works is to detect traces of semen in the woman’s underwear after a sespected incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

Seriously, you can't think of any reasons a teenager might want to get busy?

Exposure to sexually explicit material at home at a young age or being sexually abused or a victim of incest??

Then how do you explain that teen sex is currently at an all-time low?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

There's a huge difference between 13 and 17, but both qualify as "teens" It is perfectly normal for a 17 year old to be sexually active.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

There's a huge difference between 13 and 17, but both qualify as "teens" It is perfectly normal for a 17 year old to be sexually active.

Sex in HS rarely goes well for girls. Adolescent depression after multiple sex partners in HS is tragic for many girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

There's a huge difference between 13 and 17, but both qualify as "teens" It is perfectly normal for a 17 year old to be sexually active.

Sex in HS rarely goes well for girls. Adolescent depression after multiple sex partners in HS is tragic for many girls.

What? Do you have the data to back up this claim? How did they prove that it was multiple sex partners that caused the depression rather than other factors?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is such an ick and literally emotional abuse, sexism, and disgusting

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

There's a huge difference between 13 and 17, but both qualify as "teens" It is perfectly normal for a 17 year old to be sexually active.

+1

It's normal and healthy to be sexually active as an older teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Did you see how this was a family that was going through trauma of losing a dad and a mom with a busy career?? If there was a grandma in the family instead of a young cousin… maybe things would have been different with the young girl. Anyhow, the point is not that Indian kids are not curious about romance or even sex, but by not normalizing romantic relationships or sec for teens, and keeping them very busy with education and ECs and creating a community around them, they have a better chance that they will get an opportunity for sex when they are adults and when they are academically on the right path. Anyways, statistics prove the Indian Americans are doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture. There is nothing to feel proud of if your teen is having sex.

I mean, Ramaswamy has lots of money, but seems like a terrible person, so I don't know what you mean by "doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture." His parents seems have to picked the worst aspects of both cultures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The starting point is having a personal morality that you work from infancy to inculcate into your child, teaching that sexual relations have meaning beyond the mechanics and are not simply pleasant friction between two hormonally attracted individuals.

+1
Most teens globally are not having sex, so it is actually not the norm to be sexually active. In fact, I wonder why any teen would have sex? It makes them vulnerable and messes them up in so many ways.

I think that how teens think about sex is a function of their family dynamics, socialization, attitude of the parents and culture. Also, teens who lack a sense of purpose and pride in their achievement, and who do not get time from the parents - quality and quantity - are more apt to have sex.

Seriously, you can't think of any reasons a teenager might want to get busy?

Exposure to sexually explicit material at home at a young age or being sexually abused or a victim of incest??

Then how do you explain that teen sex is currently at an all-time low?

Social media has replaced in-person interaction for many, many teens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

There's a huge difference between 13 and 17, but both qualify as "teens" It is perfectly normal for a 17 year old to be sexually active.

Sex in HS rarely goes well for girls. Adolescent depression after multiple sex partners in HS is tragic for many girls.

That makes no statistical sense.

Teen sex is plummeting while teen rates of suicide are skyrocketing, especially for girls. It is especially high for girls using Instagram or other social.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Did you see how this was a family that was going through trauma of losing a dad and a mom with a busy career?? If there was a grandma in the family instead of a young cousin… maybe things would have been different with the young girl. Anyhow, the point is not that Indian kids are not curious about romance or even sex, but by not normalizing romantic relationships or sec for teens, and keeping them very busy with education and ECs and creating a community around them, they have a better chance that they will get an opportunity for sex when they are adults and when they are academically on the right path. Anyways, statistics prove the Indian Americans are doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture. There is nothing to feel proud of if your teen is having sex.

I mean, Ramaswamy has lots of money, but seems like a terrible person, so I don't know what you mean by "doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture." His parents seems have to picked the worst aspects of both cultures.

If Ramaswamy were aligned with the Democratic party, you would be leaving work early and actively campaigning for him every evening?

[Anonymous]

Part of what we realized when having all the sex talks (they started around age 3, as understanding grew) is that I want my kids to grow up to be adults with healthy safe sex lives. So now that the kids are older, we focus on pleasure, consent, respect, it needs to be a Hell Yes! not a tentative no from both parties.

Making sex a weird mysterious thing makes it more interesting, and taboo. Making it normal and healthy is so far working for us. Our kids are well educated on how bodies work and how to be respectful of another person. It likely won't stop them from having sex, but I'm also playing the long game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to scare them. My parents were extremely conservative and told me if I had sex I would be robbing my future husband of my purity. I was absolutely terrified of the consequences and it worked!

This is so wrong. What about girls/women who were raped? Your culture views them as unpure? As stained? Ruined? How backward.

My DH and I strive to teach our kids, girls and boys, that a person's worth/value should be judged by their character, not sexual history. We also work to identify misogyny and tools of control, especially those which are disproportionately negative for women.

We deal in facts, not fear. Life outcomes are statistically better for kids who delay intercourse, delay partaking of substances and those who focus on education. We talk about healthy relationships, contraception, STDs and pregnancy. When they choose to have sex, it will be a more informed decision.

Sexual activity in such young age does not happen in isolation. Usually there is dysfunction in the family, poor boundaries, hyper sexualization of children, neglect and abuse from parents, poverty and poor literacy.

There's a huge difference between 13 and 17, but both qualify as "teens" It is perfectly normal for a 17 year old to be sexually active.

Sex in HS rarely goes well for girls. Adolescent depression after multiple sex partners in HS is tragic for many girls.

That makes no statistical sense.

Teen sex is plummeting while teen rates of suicide are skyrocketing, especially for girls. It is especially high for girls using Instagram or other social.

Girls, less Instagram and more sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Thank God, I was not raised in US and I am not White. I am Indian. Society, culture and family allowed me to develop as an individual first without being pressurized to have sex in India. There were no "sluts", premarital sex or teen pregnancy because these things just did not happen openly, so these things were not normalized (even if some happened, we were unaware of it).

Now. how do you teach your children growing in this country to abstain from teen sex? Stopping them, being too strict or being too "foreign" will make your children rebel. So, you do need to have conversations about sex pretty early and in an appropriate manner with them and keep that communications open. Furthermore, you need to expose the inherent dysfunction in family structures in this country early to your children. by letting them see for themselves and then analyzing it with the kids.

American kids have a very short childhood and they are very sexualized early on by a permissive family and society. Parents are always in a hurry to have "independent" children who can raise themselves, The truth is that in the guise of "delegation of responsibilities to the children", American parents often practice "dereliction of parental duties". They are raising their kids as how they were raised. On the other hand, if you are guiding your children in a way that they are being cared for and nurtured, being taught adulting by example and practice, being given tools to excel in life, having a thriving social life and a village, and knowing that you are going to be their support, they will turn towards you for guidance. Practically it also means that you are spending a lot of time with your children and making sure that they are very busy with EC activities where they can taste success and get their dopamine hits.

However, you cannot talk only about traditions and culture to your children because that will not win them over. You need to talk logically with them about the pros and cons of destructive behavior - teen sex, vaping, drugs, social media etc. My kids always needed facts and figures about the pros of one kind of behavior over another. Why should they be learning how to code vs having sex with someone. Teens who are indulging in sex have a lot of drama in their lives and it gets messy very soon and publicly when they are young. So when my kids watch others crash and burn, they also learn the lessons from that. Of course, in all of this - parents need to walk the walk, have a loving and strong family unit, give a lot of time to their kids, make sure that they have a large social network, have their own accomplishments to give them a sense of achievement, keep them busy etc.

Well raised children do not raise themselves. Great parents raise great kids. You have to make investment of your time, effort, emotions, love, money, resources in your children. Teen sex is a desperate way that children seek out comfort, love, attention and belonging because their own family life is lacking it .

I've had the opportunity to meet several indian americans through my work, and my daughter has participated in various competitive science and robotics teams, many of which were led by an indian american parent volunteer, mostly because of their math and science background. I've observed how indian american parents are extremely particular in having their kids foster friendships and connections with other like-minded children and their families who prioritize education and with moderate extracurricular activities. The children's schedules are packed with a wide array of afterschool engagements, including enrichment programs, sports, STEM-related competitive events, family gatherings, volunteer work, cultural events, etc., leaving little room for middle schoolers to explore romantic interests. My daughter's circle of friends is quite diverse, and lately, it includes many indian american friends. The conversations she participates in mainly center around the various activities they all take part in. These discussions are never even remotely related to the sexual topics that some other parents have brought up in this context. In a way, I can see how keeping children engaged in productive activities can help divert their minds from succumbing to hormone-driven, imitative sexual exploration.

Heh that's what the parents on Never Have I Ever thought, too.

Did you see how this was a family that was going through trauma of losing a dad and a mom with a busy career?? If there was a grandma in the family instead of a young cousin… maybe things would have been different with the young girl. Anyhow, the point is not that Indian kids are not curious about romance or even sex, but by not normalizing romantic relationships or sec for teens, and keeping them very busy with education and ECs and creating a community around them, they have a better chance that they will get an opportunity for sex when they are adults and when they are academically on the right path. Anyways, statistics prove the Indian Americans are doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture. There is nothing to feel proud of if your teen is having sex.

I mean, Ramaswamy has lots of money, but seems like a terrible person, so I don't know what you mean by "doing well in this country based on picking the best from both the Indian and American culture." His parents seems have to picked the worst aspects of both cultures.

If Ramaswamy were aligned with the Democratic party, you would be leaving work early and actively campaigning for him every evening?

No. But I probably would have if he actually picked the best from both Indian and American culture, and that has nothing to do with political party choice.