I hate Mom Cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you never posted your DD’s playdate or party pics on FB?

Are all of the playdates you host for all of the girls in the class? If not, why not? Surely there are other girls who feel excluded that these “4 or 5 girls” are getting together without them.

I am asking these pointed questions bc OP seems like the kind of person who is fine with cliques as long as she is on the inside, but decries them when she is not.

You need to turn in your armchair psychologist badge, honey. WTF. She seems like what kind of person? Good Lord.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you never posted your DD’s playdate or party pics on FB?

Are all of the playdates you host for all of the girls in the class? If not, why not? Surely there are other girls who feel excluded that these “4 or 5 girls” are getting together without them.

I am asking these pointed questions bc OP seems like the kind of person who is fine with cliques as long as she is on the inside, but decries them when she is not.

Not meaning to be cliquey but some Moms and kids I just like more. Also, it depends on how we are tied. All my DD's fiends and Mom's are all barn and softball Moms and half go to the same school. The public school kids who are also barn and softball really do not hang out much with the ones at our school because there are less commonalities and we have not known them as long. We all started in a neighborhood expecting Mom's group and then storytime and Strollefit and then we decided to all send our kids to the same school and go to the barn for riding and the field for softball. It is also easy as we are on the same schedule so we sometimes go on a cruise or camping with each other as well. We just all click and our kids love each other. I have no family except for a Dad who is not in the US, so they are like my family. But, sometimes I feel that the other Mom's or classmates feel excluded. But, we all fit so well we do not want anyone else in our group. It is not mean, we just like it the way we are.

What do you do when this is not the case? You're in the elem. forum. Also the way you post ("barn and softball" mom), you don't see moms of older kids post like that. This intertwining you are doing just makes for a greater impact on your kid with the eventual separation as kids age. Hanging out a little with others who are not your identical copy will blunt some of that.

[Anonymous]

And honestly your kids should be making new friends that they want to hang out with. I hope you let your kids have playdates with the other kids even if they aren’t in your group. I’m assuming your child is still quite young, well hoping it, if you are planning her activities around your social group. Not that many girls would choose softball and riding as their activities without a lot of parent involvement. Eventually some of these girls are going to want to do other things…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you never posted your DD’s playdate or party pics on FB?

Are all of the playdates you host for all of the girls in the class? If not, why not? Surely there are other girls who feel excluded that these “4 or 5 girls” are getting together without them.

I am asking these pointed questions bc OP seems like the kind of person who is fine with cliques as long as she is on the inside, but decries them when she is not.

Not meaning to be cliquey but some Moms and kids I just like more. Also, it depends on how we are tied. All my DD's fiends and Mom's are all barn and softball Moms and half go to the same school. The public school kids who are also barn and softball really do not hang out much with the ones at our school because there are less commonalities and we have not known them as long. We all started in a neighborhood expecting Mom's group and then storytime and Strollefit and then we decided to all send our kids to the same school and go to the barn for riding and the field for softball. It is also easy as we are on the same schedule so we sometimes go on a cruise or camping with each other as well. We just all click and our kids love each other. I have no family except for a Dad who is not in the US, so they are like my family. But, sometimes I feel that the other Mom's or classmates feel excluded. But, we all fit so well we do not want anyone else in our group. It is not mean, we just like it the way we are.

What do you do when this is not the case? You're in the elem. forum. Also the way you post ("barn and softball" mom), you don't see moms of older kids post like that. This intertwining you are doing just makes for a greater impact on your kid with the eventual separation as kids age. Hanging out a little with others who are not your identical copy will blunt some of that.

Mom with older kids who started similarly here. The kids are fine. The fact they started out loving their moms’ friends kids doesn’t stunt their future social development. Kids make their own friends too. And yes, maybe they find friends from outside group with whom they connect more strongly, but they don’t feel that as a loss. It feels like a gain.

Good mom friends stay good mom friends. OG kids still get together with moms, usually with a few kids missing bc of things like play dates and sleepovers, different kids each time. Sometimes OG kids bicker, but it’s more like siblings. It’s fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Sixth grade parent still dealing with this crap and I’m so over it.

same happened before here and was part of a group too that wanted to exclude others. Its just so annoying and cant wait to be done with elementary.

It gets "better" (/s) in MS and HS - when the same ("I think I'm) "cool" moms try to live vicariously through their daughters, and micromanage the social calendar. Consider yourself warned.

Omg the number of moms I see who post pictures of their daughters’ social events, boyfriends, etc etc blows my mind. They are nutso.

Omg the number of people posting a picture of what they are eating for dinner blows my mind.

In other words, I don’t see how posting pictures of your kids and friends is any worse, or offensive, or “nutso” than the tons of other stuff people post.

Call me crazy, but I don't think a slice of pizza is having its privacy violated when you post a picture of it.

Ha, gotta love the posters who see nothing wrong with posting all about their kids’ and their own social lives on social media. I am understanding now that they really don’t know that other people think they are sad little insecure people. And that they probably think that those of us who don’t post don’t have social lives. 😂

+1. This message is not getting through though. I'm sure these are the same people with marriage on the rocks that send elaborate anniversary messages on the internet. To someone who lives in their house. For show.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Sixth grade parent still dealing with this crap and I’m so over it.

same happened before here and was part of a group too that wanted to exclude others. Its just so annoying and cant wait to be done with elementary.

It gets "better" (/s) in MS and HS - when the same ("I think I'm) "cool" moms try to live vicariously through their daughters, and micromanage the social calendar. Consider yourself warned.

Omg the number of moms I see who post pictures of their daughters’ social events, boyfriends, etc etc blows my mind. They are nutso.

Omg the number of people posting a picture of what they are eating for dinner blows my mind.

In other words, I don’t see how posting pictures of your kids and friends is any worse, or offensive, or “nutso” than the tons of other stuff people post.

Call me crazy, but I don't think a slice of pizza is having its privacy violated when you post a picture of it.

Ha, gotta love the posters who see nothing wrong with posting all about their kids’ and their own social lives on social media. I am understanding now that they really don’t know that other people think they are sad little insecure people. And that they probably think that those of us who don’t post don’t have social lives. 😂

Maybe they have their permission. You don’t know, so why the snark? I’m not on social media, but if you are- you should stop taking what others post personally or get off.

It doesn’t matter if you have their permission. Why do you need to share about your private social plans with people who weren’t there?? Why can’t you just share with the people who were there, the ones you cared to include?

I don’t and I don’t care if others do or don’t. Their intention is to share pictures of themselves/kids having a good time. If you are bothered by seeing that, move along.

You say you don't care but seem really intent on defending this unnecessary practice that does affect other people. No matter how many times you tell them to look away. What's it to you if people want to vent about it? If you're not actively doing it they're not talking about you.

It’s a delusion. There is no “mom clique.” So what exactly does OP “hate”? That sometimes people get together without her? Grow up

Why do you care if people like OP think the over sharers are jerks?

She posted on an anonymous board for comments. So…that’s how it works

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Sixth grade parent still dealing with this crap and I’m so over it.

same happened before here and was part of a group too that wanted to exclude others. Its just so annoying and cant wait to be done with elementary.

It gets "better" (/s) in MS and HS - when the same ("I think I'm) "cool" moms try to live vicariously through their daughters, and micromanage the social calendar. Consider yourself warned.

Omg the number of moms I see who post pictures of their daughters’ social events, boyfriends, etc etc blows my mind. They are nutso.

Omg the number of people posting a picture of what they are eating for dinner blows my mind.

In other words, I don’t see how posting pictures of your kids and friends is any worse, or offensive, or “nutso” than the tons of other stuff people post.

Call me crazy, but I don't think a slice of pizza is having its privacy violated when you post a picture of it.

Ha, gotta love the posters who see nothing wrong with posting all about their kids’ and their own social lives on social media. I am understanding now that they really don’t know that other people think they are sad little insecure people. And that they probably think that those of us who don’t post don’t have social lives. 😂

+1. This message is not getting through though. I'm sure these are the same people with marriage on the rocks that send elaborate anniversary messages on the internet. To someone who lives in their house. For show.

That isn’t OP’s problem. She is mad about people posting pictures of their kids on Facebook. She is mad they are posting pics of their kids- without hers present. I’m sure if OP and her kid were at this gathering and a picture that included them was posted- she wouldn’t be here complaining

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have you never posted your DD’s playdate or party pics on FB?

Are all of the playdates you host for all of the girls in the class? If not, why not? Surely there are other girls who feel excluded that these “4 or 5 girls” are getting together without them.

I am asking these pointed questions bc OP seems like the kind of person who is fine with cliques as long as she is on the inside, but decries them when she is not.

Not meaning to be cliquey but some Moms and kids I just like more. Also, it depends on how we are tied. All my DD's fiends and Mom's are all barn and softball Moms and half go to the same school. The public school kids who are also barn and softball really do not hang out much with the ones at our school because there are less commonalities and we have not known them as long. We all started in a neighborhood expecting Mom's group and then storytime and Strollefit and then we decided to all send our kids to the same school and go to the barn for riding and the field for softball. It is also easy as we are on the same schedule so we sometimes go on a cruise or camping with each other as well. We just all click and our kids love each other. I have no family except for a Dad who is not in the US, so they are like my family. But, sometimes I feel that the other Mom's or classmates feel excluded. But, we all fit so well we do not want anyone else in our group. It is not mean, we just like it the way we are.

This scenario just about has me breaking out in hives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have the playdate! You can’t get upset about this sort of thing. Five kindergarteners is a lot. Smaller gatherings are okay. There is probably a sixth girl feeling left out too.

And for goodness sake get off social media.

+1. It's possible they're just closer as adults and wanted to get together. It may be that if they felt like they invited your DD then they needed to invite 2 more, or all of the girls in the class, or whatever. The line gets drawn somewhere. And yes, maybe they're even jerks. Let it go, avoid on social media if it makes you upset, and do the big-tent playdate if you want to this summer. It's only as big of a deal as you make it in your own head.

- Mom who is definitely not in the inner circle of the "cool moms" and sometimes gets a little FOMO about it, but have done a pretty good job of just getting on with things and treating others the way I'd want to be treated

Good advice. OP, not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but no one is 100% inclusive. Even you. We constantly have to make decisions about who to invite. Did you host every girl from your daughter’s class over the school year? Are you planning on inviting every girl from the class over this summer? If not, there was probably a girl on the fringe who felt left out. Social media makes these occurrences seem personal, but before social media we were all regularly being excluded from some activity or another, we just didn’t know about it.

You will be very unhappy for the next 10 years of school if you perseverate on the injustice of the social dynamics among moms. By middle school, kids exercise more choice in their friends, so you can look forward to that.

[Anonymous]

If the girls like each other they'll continue playing with each other despite the cliquey moms. And by the time they're teens and have their own phones, moms are basically out of the picture. This may sting now but years from now it won't matter. My daughter is now 14 and I have nothing to do with her social life. I'm friends with her friends' parents, but beyond that, the moms are not involved. The ES years are rough and you'll get through it. Just keep inviting these girls over if your daughter likes them and who cares about the moms. Be the bigger person

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have the playdate! You can’t get upset about this sort of thing. Five kindergarteners is a lot. Smaller gatherings are okay. There is probably a sixth girl feeling left out too.

And for goodness sake get off social media.

+1. It's possible they're just closer as adults and wanted to get together. It may be that if they felt like they invited your DD then they needed to invite 2 more, or all of the girls in the class, or whatever. The line gets drawn somewhere. And yes, maybe they're even jerks. Let it go, avoid on social media if it makes you upset, and do the big-tent playdate if you want to this summer. It's only as big of a deal as you make it in your own head.

- Mom who is definitely not in the inner circle of the "cool moms" and sometimes gets a little FOMO about it, but have done a pretty good job of just getting on with things and treating others the way I'd want to be treated

Good advice. OP, not sure if this will make you feel better or worse, but no one is 100% inclusive. Even you. We constantly have to make decisions about who to invite. Did you host every girl from your daughter’s class over the school year? Are you planning on inviting every girl from the class over this summer? If not, there was probably a girl on the fringe who felt left out. Social media makes these occurrences seem personal, but before social media we were all regularly being excluded from some activity or another, we just didn’t know about it.

You will be very unhappy for the next 10 years of school if you perseverate on the injustice of the social dynamics among moms. By middle school, kids exercise more choice in their friends, so you can look forward to that.

Amen to the bolded.

O bet there is another parent on the school who thinks OP and these moms were clicking.

The click wss fine when OP was in. It's only bad now because she and her kid are out.

[Anonymous]

I’ve read most of the replies and there isn’t a clear consensus on what a “clique” is. It’s one of those things that you know if when you see it.

Defining a clique as a group of people who don’t include others seems incomplete. It has to be a group of people that other people want to join, ie popular kids. I was in a group of friends in 7th grade who took algebra and participated in scholar’s bowl, knowledge bowl, all the academic stuff. We didn’t include other kids, but it’s not like anyone noticed because no one wanted to join us.

I don’t think I was mean not to invite the athletes and cheerleaders to come join our lunch table, so is it considered mean for them to reciprocate?

Several people have commented that a clique isn’t a clique unless you are on the outside trying to get in, and that rings true to me.

I don’t post or read friends’ posts on social media so I’m no expert, but I don’t think most people are weaponizing every single post they make. It’s second nature to post things as they happen for so many people.

It might be hard to hear this OP, but if you are arranging playdates for your daughter with the same 4 girls over and over again, you are encouraging a clique among them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Sixth grade parent still dealing with this crap and I’m so over it.

same happened before here and was part of a group too that wanted to exclude others. Its just so annoying and cant wait to be done with elementary.

It gets "better" (/s) in MS and HS - when the same ("I think I'm) "cool" moms try to live vicariously through their daughters, and micromanage the social calendar. Consider yourself warned.

Omg the number of moms I see who post pictures of their daughters’ social events, boyfriends, etc etc blows my mind. They are nutso.

Omg the number of people posting a picture of what they are eating for dinner blows my mind.

In other words, I don’t see how posting pictures of your kids and friends is any worse, or offensive, or “nutso” than the tons of other stuff people post.

Call me crazy, but I don't think a slice of pizza is having its privacy violated when you post a picture of it.

Ha, gotta love the posters who see nothing wrong with posting all about their kids’ and their own social lives on social media. I am understanding now that they really don’t know that other people think they are sad little insecure people. And that they probably think that those of us who don’t post don’t have social lives. 😂

+1. This message is not getting through though. I'm sure these are the same people with marriage on the rocks that send elaborate anniversary messages on the internet. To someone who lives in their house. For show.

That isn’t OP’s problem. She is mad about people posting pictures of their kids on Facebook. She is mad they are posting pics of their kids- without hers present. I’m sure if OP and her kid were at this gathering and a picture that included them was posted- she wouldn’t be here complaining

She is upset that her kid was not invited because the petty loser moms get off excluded little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Sixth grade parent still dealing with this crap and I’m so over it.

same happened before here and was part of a group too that wanted to exclude others. Its just so annoying and cant wait to be done with elementary.

It gets "better" (/s) in MS and HS - when the same ("I think I'm) "cool" moms try to live vicariously through their daughters, and micromanage the social calendar. Consider yourself warned.

Omg the number of moms I see who post pictures of their daughters’ social events, boyfriends, etc etc blows my mind. They are nutso.

Omg the number of people posting a picture of what they are eating for dinner blows my mind.

In other words, I don’t see how posting pictures of your kids and friends is any worse, or offensive, or “nutso” than the tons of other stuff people post.

Call me crazy, but I don't think a slice of pizza is having its privacy violated when you post a picture of it.

Ha, gotta love the posters who see nothing wrong with posting all about their kids’ and their own social lives on social media. I am understanding now that they really don’t know that other people think they are sad little insecure people. And that they probably think that those of us who don’t post don’t have social lives. 😂

Maybe they have their permission. You don’t know, so why the snark? I’m not on social media, but if you are- you should stop taking what others post personally or get off.

It doesn’t matter if you have their permission. Why do you need to share about your private social plans with people who weren’t there?? Why can’t you just share with the people who were there, the ones you cared to include?

I don’t and I don’t care if others do or don’t. Their intention is to share pictures of themselves/kids having a good time. If you are bothered by seeing that, move along.

You say you don't care but seem really intent on defending this unnecessary practice that does affect other people. No matter how many times you tell them to look away. What's it to you if people want to vent about it? If you're not actively doing it they're not talking about you.

It’s a delusion. There is no “mom clique.” So what exactly does OP “hate”? That sometimes people get together without her? Grow up

Why do you care if people like OP think the over sharers are jerks?

She posted on an anonymous board for comments. So…that’s how it works

Exactly. And many agree with OP but people are chiming in to say just look away. So people are commenting on that as well. If people can ask why OP cares about any of this, then the social media defenders can be questioned as well. I think the social media defenders don't like the idea that people are judging them for what they post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. Sixth grade parent still dealing with this crap and I’m so over it.

same happened before here and was part of a group too that wanted to exclude others. Its just so annoying and cant wait to be done with elementary.

It gets "better" (/s) in MS and HS - when the same ("I think I'm) "cool" moms try to live vicariously through their daughters, and micromanage the social calendar. Consider yourself warned.

Omg the number of moms I see who post pictures of their daughters’ social events, boyfriends, etc etc blows my mind. They are nutso.

Omg the number of people posting a picture of what they are eating for dinner blows my mind.

In other words, I don’t see how posting pictures of your kids and friends is any worse, or offensive, or “nutso” than the tons of other stuff people post.

Call me crazy, but I don't think a slice of pizza is having its privacy violated when you post a picture of it.

Ha, gotta love the posters who see nothing wrong with posting all about their kids’ and their own social lives on social media. I am understanding now that they really don’t know that other people think they are sad little insecure people. And that they probably think that those of us who don’t post don’t have social lives. 😂

+1. This message is not getting through though. I'm sure these are the same people with marriage on the rocks that send elaborate anniversary messages on the internet. To someone who lives in their house. For show.

That isn’t OP’s problem. She is mad about people posting pictures of their kids on Facebook. She is mad they are posting pics of their kids- without hers present. I’m sure if OP and her kid were at this gathering and a picture that included them was posted- she wouldn’t be here complaining

She is upset that her kid was not invited because the petty loser moms get off excluded little kids.

Why are the moms petty losers?
What makes her kid entailed to be included? Because she sometimes plays with them? Someone is always going to be excluded because you can’t include every person that may be friends with your child every time you have a gathering.