I hate Mom Cliques

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD just had her last day of K and I just found out ( bc one of DD’s friend moms posted pics on Facebook) that the moms of the group of 4 or 5 girls that DD became good friends with from her class arranged an after school get together with all the girls except for my daughter. And there’s no other reason I can find for this other than the fact that I’m not part of the Mom clique. I’ve arranged lots of play dates with these girls over the year and DD has been invited over to most of their houses as well, so I don’t think it’s a matter of them unintentionally excluding her.

It just makes me so mad and I can’t wait until DD is old enough to where the Moms aren’t so influential and involved in the social lives of their kids. Thank god DD is still clueless to these kinds of things, but I know that won’t last forever too. It just makes me feel terrible because she has been talking about having these girls over for a group playdate this summer and she’s clueless to the fact that she’s getting left out by the Moms.

You mean you hate Friendship and Trust.

Time to grow up I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have the playdate! You can’t get upset about this sort of thing. Five kindergarteners is a lot. Smaller gatherings are okay. There is probably a sixth girl feeling left out too.

And for goodness sake get off social media.

+1. It's possible they're just closer as adults and wanted to get together. It may be that if they felt like they invited your DD then they needed to invite 2 more, or all of the girls in the class, or whatever. The line gets drawn somewhere. And yes, maybe they're even jerks. Let it go, avoid on social media if it makes you upset, and do the big-tent playdate if you want to this summer. It's only as big of a deal as you make it in your own head.

- Mom who is definitely not in the inner circle of the "cool moms" and sometimes gets a little FOMO about it, but have done a pretty good job of just getting on with things and treating others the way I'd want to be treated

I agree with all of this and am similarly not a cool mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, have the playdate! You can’t get upset about this sort of thing. Five kindergarteners is a lot. Smaller gatherings are okay. There is probably a sixth girl feeling left out too.

And for goodness sake get off social media.

+1. It's possible they're just closer as adults and wanted to get together. It may be that if they felt like they invited your DD then they needed to invite 2 more, or all of the girls in the class, or whatever. The line gets drawn somewhere. And yes, maybe they're even jerks. Let it go, avoid on social media if it makes you upset, and do the big-tent playdate if you want to this summer. It's only as big of a deal as you make it in your own head.

- Mom who is definitely not in the inner circle of the "cool moms" and sometimes gets a little FOMO about it, but have done a pretty good job of just getting on with things and treating others the way I'd want to be treated

Agree with both of the above. Keep your attitude as healthy as possible, OP. The line has to get drawn somewhere so this kind of thing happens all the time, intentional or not. I'm also not a cool mom and am sure we get left out more than I even realize but I would rather be either blissfully unaware or assume they had good reasons. I keep my DD off of social media because of FOMO. Even mature adults can't handle it!

[Anonymous]

It’s not just you Op. If those girls wanted your DD to attend, then they would have pleaded to have her over.

[Anonymous]

Which one of the mothers was the host? Was she the poster? Now you know who the mean queen bee is.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. Is there any chance that they thought they invited you? Maybe everybody else that everybody else had invited your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.

[Anonymous]

As tough as it is to hear this, it's really not personal. I say this as someone who isn't part of the mom crowd.

My kid's in a program where the class stays together year to year. Early on, the moms who lived near one another bonded and yes, their kids often got together. My kid is friends with them but we weren't included then.

As they've grown, so has the circle of inclusion. We're invited to more group things as the kids ask for their friends. But honestly? These are my kid's friendships, not mine. I'm kind when the group engages me. I've found them to be very kind and open in return. But the kind of closeness they have together is just not gonna happen with me. It's not in my nature and I have my own friends outside of my kid's life.

I'd say take a pause and remember that kid friendships are fluid. They flourish or fail so suddenly. Help your kid ride the waves and have your own people outside of that circle to help you, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.

+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.

+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

+2. There will always be someone who feels left out. Not everything is a slight against you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

So don't post it all over Facebook. Again, that's what's causing the bad feelings. Otherwise nobody would know. But, no, mean moms needed the likes and validation that they aren't friendless losers. Look at us!

So don’t look at Facebook, if it affects you so much.

Cliquey mean mom has arrived! She is above reproach! Nothing is HER fault!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.

+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

+2. There will always be someone who feels left out. Not everything is a slight against you.

Which is why social media is toxic, and people who post this sort of thing on social media don’t care whose feelings they hurt. Why does it have to be posted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.

+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

+2. There will always be someone who feels left out. Not everything is a slight against you.

+3.

OP, time to learn how to develop friendships.

[Anonymous]

I suspect that it wasn't intentional. I don't take that into account when I plan things - it's mostly do my kids like each other and are the parents already my friends. That's really it. I don't think a lot of people put much thought into these things as adults.

You could invite all of them to a thing as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It probably was unintentional. The 5 moms are good friends and just decided to have this get-together.

This. If I’m friends with some moms why can’t I just plan on going out with them for lunch with our kids?
There might be other kids that our kids are friends with too OP, not just yours. Do we invite them all too? Then it turns into a cluster.

+1 this wasn’t a birthday party. I don’t think there was any ill intent.

+2. There will always be someone who feels left out. Not everything is a slight against you.

Which is why social media is toxic, and people who post this sort of thing on social media don’t care whose feelings they hurt. Why does it have to be posted?

Because people just post stuff about their lives? If you can’t deal, you really shouldn’t be on. It’s not worth staying on social media and getting your feelings hurt and saying “well they shouldn’t have posted that!” You’re fighting with reality.

—someone who literally never posts on social media and stays off as much as possible.