So tired of MIL acting like she’s the hostess in my home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I can commiserate a little. DH’s brother’s family of 4 was visiting from overseas for about 2 weeks. His wife didn’t learn so much as where the water glasses were. She would ask how she could help after the table was set and food was being carried to the table.

We visited with them before in their home country, but DH’s parents were hosting or we’d pick up food from a restaurant to share. She never did any meals for anyone other than her and her kids, not even for her husband.

She is very social and loves to be the center of attention and life of the party, but will not lift a finger until everything’s ready.

Maybe she’s super lazy, or maybe she cannot function without a maid. My MIL and l both really disliked her and felt she treated both of us, and her husband, like employees. And she had the least money of any of us - big spender and SAHM.

I have given DH a limit of 4 days for hosting them in the future, l don’t GAF that it’s a long way to travel. Stay in a hotel.

Sounds like she has no executive function (meaning, she has ADHD). If she can't hold down a job or notice when help is needed, that speaks to inability to be attentive and get organized. And since she has money and no incentive to work, well, there's no urgent need to get meds or treatment for it.

God, you people are positively Pavlovian. Not everything is ADHD. Sometimes people just suck.

-person with ADHD

+1. Sometimes DCUM really goes out of its way to put things that just aren’t there into the thread. This one is a great example, as is the one where OP was accused of not eating food. As evidenced by nothing, apparently.

Sometimes people are just weird and annoying. I would never go into my host’s wine rack and start offering wine around in the middle of the afternoon. If I wanted wine, I’d ask. Putting out food and drink in someone else’s house reminds me of Uncle Frank from “Home Alone,” that scene where he comes in with shrimp and starts offering them around to people loudly, and the woman in the corner is like “Frank? Frank, those are for later…” then gives up.

So you assumed where the wine was in your rant about assumptions? What are the odds MiL picked the exact dinner wine? Maybe it was sitting right out waiting to be served with dinner? How many people were meant to share one bottle, I wonder?

When did OP ever say there was only one bottle. Don’t worry, Wine Mom, I’m sure there was enough for your habit!

Hosting with a heaping serving of judgement. I’m sure you’re a lovely gracious host, right?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

Oh honey. That is exactly what this MIL is doing: offering OP her own food that she prepared in her own home.

[Anonymous]

OP you have a lot of components of a great host. You have a few to work on:

Flexibility
Graciousness
Sense of humor

You have to be able to roll with the punches to some extent. You can be generous to your MIL without ruining your day. If it’s really making it miserable for you, stop hosting.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

So then OP’s open kitchen all day would work well for you.

Except for when it’s 3, and no not that wine. But otherwise sure, wide open, help yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

Oh honey. That is exactly what this MIL is doing: offering OP her own food that she prepared in her own home.

Still don’t see the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.

“Booze,” arcade games, poker and movies—this sounds like a frat house. Anyway, some of us have more elegant gatherings. I bet some of your “displayed” items are in the shape of a Christmas tree or Easter Bunny butts. Live, Laugh, Love! GATHER.

NP. I am sure your dry turkey is politely tasted by all your guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.

“Booze,” arcade games, poker and movies—this sounds like a frat house. Anyway, some of us have more elegant gatherings. I bet some of your “displayed” items are in the shape of a Christmas tree or Easter Bunny butts. Live, Laugh, Love! GATHER.

NP. I am sure your dry turkey is politely tasted by all your guests.

I am always tickled pink by what passes as a burn here on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

Oh honey. That is exactly what this MIL is doing: offering OP her own food that she prepared in her own home.

Exactly. People are refusing to believe that the MIL is doing this. It’s nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Isn't dinner at 5 or 5:30? If I had to starve until 5 or 5:30 to finally get a few cheese slices, I'd never come back.

Are you 85? We are hosting multiple houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast around 7, lunch around 12, cocktail hour at 5, dinner around 6/6:30. And the kitchen is open all day. Who is starving?!

No, I am 48, and my relatives throw "holidays" for about 30-75 people, maybe 10 trays of appetizers, a full size bar with 15 stools and booze flowing, oh I forgot the bar has 5-10 more appetizers, fully stocked, real arcade games, poker table going, movie room going, and then yes we have dinner at 5:30, they have catering equipment, some have sternos going for heat, maybe main dish is a few 19 pound turkeys, all homemade sides. Nobody has to fuss about getting food or serving it. It's just there everywhere the entire freaking time. You did say you throw holidays. Booze is not rationed to cocktail hour, food is not saved for a particular time slot. You are a weirdo. Even if guests stay for the day before or after the holiday, it's polite to leave out food for people to snack on and drinks mid-afternoon. I use an island to display chips, nuts, cheeses, crackers. After 2 days maybe I drop the cheeses. Who doesn't do that? Who sets an hour for when drinks and snacks are permitted? I know some hotels offer a cocktail hour, but that's different.

“Booze,” arcade games, poker and movies—this sounds like a frat house. Anyway, some of us have more elegant gatherings. I bet some of your “displayed” items are in the shape of a Christmas tree or Easter Bunny butts. Live, Laugh, Love! GATHER.

NP. I am sure your dry turkey is politely tasted by all your guests.

I am always tickled pink by what passes as a burn here on DCUM.

Yes, but we all know the lady complaining about the arcade games offers her guests dry turkey and unseasoned gravy.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird and annoying, but many women of that generation weren’t brought up to be “guests” and they don’t know how to just sit down and chill. You’re not going to undo all the misogynistic programming that makes her feel like a failure unless she’s serving or offering food or clearing dishes whatever, so I would ignore it. It’s not about her claiming credit, she probably doesn’t know how else to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

Oh honey. That is exactly what this MIL is doing: offering OP her own food that she prepared in her own home.

Still don’t see the problem.

Next time your boss takes your team out to dinner, be sure to give a toast saying you’d like to thank everyone for their hard work, which is why you brought them all here today night, then accept their thanks when your boss pays the bill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MIL is stepping in because of OP’s weird, stringent food rules. If you have house guests, feed them. “We eat at 5” and not allowing food and drink otherwise is being a bad host.

Are you really unable to read? I have said numerous times that I am hosting houseguests for multiple days. We serve breakfast, lunch, cocktail hour with appetizers and dinner, and the kitchen is open any time someone wants anything. But you tried it!

Oh yes, I see now that you posted almost this same exact comment earlier! There is no way that someone like you is the easy-going hostess you’re trying to portray yourself as. You’re being too controlling with what and when your houseguests can eat/drink. Your MIL feels the need to step in, apparently with good reason.

Nope. It’s not he house, she’s not the hostess and she is RUDE.

It's normal for several female family members to pitch in to help on a holiday. Your "rude" is other people's normal. If you really want all guests to stay away from handling any food or beverages, then hire a catering team. That serves food and beverages to guests the entire time. And dinner at a normal time. Then it's all solved rather than just blame everybody for starving or being thirsty or for offering those folks items.

Who are you people that don’t think eating breakfast around 7, lunch around noon, cocktails around 5, dinner around 6 and an open kitchen where anyone can help themselves is somehow eating at “abnormal” times or not providing enough food? Even my literal linebacker brother doesn’t need someone to bring him a sandwich every 45 seconds.

Not everyone eats 3 square meals, some skip breakfast and eat smaller meals during the day. I also don’t like people telling me when i can eat.

So then OP’s open kitchen all day would work well for you.

Except for when it’s 3, and no not that wine. But otherwise sure, wide open, help yourself.

Tell me you buy cheap wine with no thought to food pairings without telling me you buy cheap wine with no thought to food pairings.

[Anonymous]

Clasic territorial competition between MILs and DILs. Question for OP, would you feel as annoyed if she were your own mother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let her play hostess and you play guest. Run with it. Tell her how delicious the food is. How did she prepare it? Is it a family recipe? The wine is amazing. How did she choose it? What is it called? Where can you find it? Keep going until she can’t take it anymore. She won’t do that again.

Another ridiculous unusable script. Only a psychopath would talk like this.

By your very same argument, only a psychopath would offer the person who made the breakfast casserole that same breakfast casserole. Funny, huh?

You’ve only ever been served food by the person who made it? That is super weird.

Nope, that’s not what is being said. But if you go over to someone’s house and they have made a full Thanksgiving spread, you do not walk up to the host and hostess and say, “Now Bob, Nancy, I want you to help yourselves. There’s turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce…” You would sound like a complete lunatic if you did that.

Fan fiction at its finest.

Oh honey. That is exactly what this MIL is doing: offering OP her own food that she prepared in her own home.

Still don’t see the problem.

Next time your boss takes your team out to dinner, be sure to give a toast saying you’d like to thank everyone for their hard work, which is why you brought them all here today night, then accept their thanks when your boss pays the bill.

This! Team OP!