Would you move your 15-year-old across the country for a new dream job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am coming late to this, having only just seen it in Jeff's summary of most posted threads from yesterday.

We made this move recently from Maryland with a 15yr old and 16 yr old who have started a new school in CA this January.

They had also made this move previously around ages 7 & 8. It was much more traumatic for them back then than this time round.

This move took about 2-3 wks to get settled in public school, adjusting courses (not all the courses they had been taking were available etc) and meeting new people. My DS keeps in touch with his friends via video games and my DD keeps in touch with some of her friends via instagram / FT and messaging.

Unless your child has severe disabilities or learning issues that make him highly resitent to change, he will be fine. There are issues you can pre-empt and get ahead of, then there are things you just have to deal with in the moment which you couldn't have expected without a crystal ball. But its all entirely doable.

I think if this job is the one you've wanted forever then that is going to have a ripple effect on your family. Your kid doesn't need to be near their heart-surgeon or their therapist? Then go.

Horrible advice.

Can you be more specific?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not. My teen is very happy, settled and thriving and teen mental health is nothing to mess around with. We will be empty nesters at 50 and can do anything we want then.

You mean sit around and regret not taking a once in a lifetime job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. My teen is very happy, settled and thriving and teen mental health is nothing to mess around with. We will be empty nesters at 50 and can do anything we want then.

You mean sit around and regret not taking a once in a lifetime job?

You mean doing the right thing when one has a teen/teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. My teen is very happy, settled and thriving and teen mental health is nothing to mess around with. We will be empty nesters at 50 and can do anything we want then.

You mean sit around and regret not taking a once in a lifetime job?

I wouldn’t regret a thing. My children are so much more important than any job.

[Anonymous]

As a teen, my mom took her dream job and I loved it for her. She was so happy. We moved not across the country but a few hours away. It was so worth it. Our family bond was closer in high school, I had two groups of friends and it was nice going back to see them here and then.

If she gave up that job and worked her previous lame job, she wouldn’t have been as happy and we wouldn’t have moved, met new people, and definitely wouldn’t be as close of a family.

Only selfish teens think about just themselves and cry a river.

Do what is best for the family. Don’t give up on dreams.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I am coming late to this, having only just seen it in Jeff's summary of most posted threads from yesterday.

We made this move recently from Maryland with a 15yr old and 16 yr old who have started a new school in CA this January.

They had also made this move previously around ages 7 & 8. It was much more traumatic for them back then than this time round.

This move took about 2-3 wks to get settled in public school, adjusting courses (not all the courses they had been taking were available etc) and meeting new people. My DS keeps in touch with his friends via video games and my DD keeps in touch with some of her friends via instagram / FT and messaging.

Unless your child has severe disabilities or learning issues that make him highly resitent to change, he will be fine. There are issues you can pre-empt and get ahead of, then there are things you just have to deal with in the moment which you couldn't have expected without a crystal ball. But its all entirely doable.

I think if this job is the one you've wanted forever then that is going to have a ripple effect on your family. Your kid doesn't need to be near their heart-surgeon or their therapist? Then go.

+1

I think some parents just coddle their teens like they are babies. They will adjust and be fine and it sound like a better atmosphere than DC metro anyway. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I assume dc is an only child? If so, would you consider one of you staying local w him for 3 years? My dh commuted to AZ for 4 years and it really wasn't bad (I know I wasn't the one doing the travelling). He would usually go out on a sunday evening and come back friday am. If there were any important sporting events, school things, etc he would say in dc for that week. We went out there lots of long weekends or met in chicago, etc. The kids loved it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I am coming late to this, having only just seen it in Jeff's summary of most posted threads from yesterday.

We made this move recently from Maryland with a 15yr old and 16 yr old who have started a new school in CA this January.

They had also made this move previously around ages 7 & 8. It was much more traumatic for them back then than this time round.

This move took about 2-3 wks to get settled in public school, adjusting courses (not all the courses they had been taking were available etc) and meeting new people. My DS keeps in touch with his friends via video games and my DD keeps in touch with some of her friends via instagram / FT and messaging.

Unless your child has severe disabilities or learning issues that make him highly resitent to change, he will be fine. There are issues you can pre-empt and get ahead of, then there are things you just have to deal with in the moment which you couldn't have expected without a crystal ball. But its all entirely doable.

I think if this job is the one you've wanted forever then that is going to have a ripple effect on your family. Your kid doesn't need to be near their heart-surgeon or their therapist? Then go.

+1

I think some parents just coddle their teens like they are babies. They will adjust and be fine and it sound like a better atmosphere than DC metro anyway. Good luck!

I think neither of you have kids very good at any particular extracurricular or with a very strong friend group. I also can’t imagine thinking my own happiness mattered more than my child’s. But, there are all kinds of parents I guess.

[Anonymous]

We had friends do this with a junior. Worked out amazingly well. Really depends on the child.

[Anonymous]

I think neither of you have kids very good at any particular extracurricular or with a very strong friend group. I also can’t imagine thinking my own happiness mattered more than my child’s. But, there are all kinds of parents I guess.

See, the thing is that it doesn’t have to be frame in these terms. It is not “my own happiness vs. teens’ happiness”. Moving could be good for both, as some of the experiences of previous posters (me included) have shown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think neither of you have kids very good at any particular extracurricular or with a very strong friend group. I also can’t imagine thinking my own happiness mattered more than my child’s. But, there are all kinds of parents I guess.

See, the thing is that it doesn’t have to be frame in these terms. It is not “my own happiness vs. teens’ happiness”. Moving could be good for both, as some of the experiences of previous posters (me included) have shown.

Sorry, I was quoting but the format went crazy

[Anonymous]

Nopeu, unless your child needs a change.

[Anonymous]

I immigrated as a teenager. It was tough, but I am a better person for it now. Move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I immigrated as a teenager. It was tough, but I am a better person for it now. Move.

Bad advice.

[Anonymous]

We moved across the country with kids in 10th and 5th. The move was for DH's job. We knew no one when we moved. The kids are thriving and loving it here almost 2 years later. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Much better quality of life here. Kids are in private schools which went out of their way to make sure the kids integrated into the school-this was a huge plus.

As a PP noted above, my kids are easy going and very adaptable. If they weren't moving would have been a bigger issue.