Stone deaf ILs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Stone deaf"

LOL

I have to admit I was a bit like WTF on the title in more ways than one.

Yes I thought it was going to be about hearing impaired in-laws, not people who don't hop to it when called.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody seems to agree that the in laws are obnoxious, useless, won't change, clueless, etc etc. Has anybody (including OP) considered that maybe the in laws don't like the OP and have had negative or difficult interactions with her that are now preventing them from wanting to spend any time with her? This can also obviously impact the relationship with the grandchildren. Might want to reflect on that OP.

+1

After coming back and reading all of OP’s responses, I was going to post the same thing. She wasn’t willing to entertain any advice given, and had an excuse/clap back for every point made. I’m not sure I’d be jumping to go spend lengthy amount of time with her either.

The title of the post is gives it all away. I thought I was going to read about elderly parents who won't see an audiologist, and I was going to say that "stone deaf" is not an appropriate term, but it turns out her ILs don't come when called and she is outraged. Given that her parents are overseas, maybe she's from a culture in which ILs step in more, but that's not the card she drew, and I can't see how anything she's doing now is going to change that.

Maybe she should have married someone from her own culture and stayed near her parents.

OP: my parents are from the same culture as ILs, but live on another continent due to their work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Stone deaf"

LOL

I have to admit I was a bit like WTF on the title in more ways than one.

Oh dear. You found a typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell me I am in the wrong here.

DH is deployed. I work full time, I have 2 DCs, 5 yo and 2 yo. I have no nannies, no regular babysitters, I am doing all the drop offs and pickups. I am doing all the activities. I am IT when kids are sick. ILs are retired and live close to SIL, a SAHM with HS-aged DCs, in another state. I have not received one phone call "hey, how are you doing?", "hey, he is gone for a while now, can you use some help?"

Right after Christmas my youngest had COVID. Not a single text or phone call about how he was doing. NOTHING. Instead, I am bombarded with pictures of them lounging by the pool or on the ocean. Obviously no invite "hey, kids have spring break? Come visit us". But hey, I should send them annual pictures they can frame.

Should I confront them? I am fuming inside. I don't want to rile up DH but I am so sick of that.

My ILs are like this. There is no point to confront because they don’t care. You can’t shame them into being better people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody seems to agree that the in laws are obnoxious, useless, won't change, clueless, etc etc. Has anybody (including OP) considered that maybe the in laws don't like the OP and have had negative or difficult interactions with her that are now preventing them from wanting to spend any time with her? This can also obviously impact the relationship with the grandchildren. Might want to reflect on that OP.

+1

After coming back and reading all of OP’s responses, I was going to post the same thing. She wasn’t willing to entertain any advice given, and had an excuse/clap back for every point made. I’m not sure I’d be jumping to go spend lengthy amount of time with her either.

The title of the post is gives it all away. I thought I was going to read about elderly parents who won't see an audiologist, and I was going to say that "stone deaf" is not an appropriate term, but it turns out her ILs don't come when called and she is outraged. Given that her parents are overseas, maybe she's from a culture in which ILs step in more, but that's not the card she drew, and I can't see how anything she's doing now is going to change that.

Maybe she should have married someone from her own culture and stayed near her parents.

OP: my parents are from the same culture as ILs, but live on another continent due to their work.

So everyone is American but OP's parents live in Dubai as expats making a ton of money, and she gives them a free pass because she just wants to be a little beeyotch about everything with her ILs. Got it now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Stone deaf"

LOL

I have to admit I was a bit like WTF on the title in more ways than one.

Oh dear. You found a typo.

That's really not how typos work. That's a malapropism. Go look it up.

[Anonymous]

They're your kids not theirs. They are living their best retired lives. I see nothing wrong with not helping out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody seems to agree that the in laws are obnoxious, useless, won't change, clueless, etc etc. Has anybody (including OP) considered that maybe the in laws don't like the OP and have had negative or difficult interactions with her that are now preventing them from wanting to spend any time with her? This can also obviously impact the relationship with the grandchildren. Might want to reflect on that OP.

+1

After coming back and reading all of OP’s responses, I was going to post the same thing. She wasn’t willing to entertain any advice given, and had an excuse/clap back for every point made. I’m not sure I’d be jumping to go spend lengthy amount of time with her either.

The title of the post is gives it all away. I thought I was going to read about elderly parents who won't see an audiologist, and I was going to say that "stone deaf" is not an appropriate term, but it turns out her ILs don't come when called and she is outraged. Given that her parents are overseas, maybe she's from a culture in which ILs step in more, but that's not the card she drew, and I can't see how anything she's doing now is going to change that.

Maybe she should have married someone from her own culture and stayed near her parents.

OP: my parents are from the same culture as ILs, but live on another continent due to their work.

So everyone is American but OP's parents live in Dubai as expats making a ton of money, and she gives them a free pass because she just wants to be a little beeyotch about everything with her ILs. Got it now.

You are weird. My parents do not live in the Middle East.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They're your kids not theirs. They are living their best retired lives. I see nothing wrong with not helping out.

New PP here. Sure, don't help out. And don't expect your grown kids to take care of your crap when you are no longer independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start treating their texts like FB posts. Something you might look at when you're not busy but, otherwise, ignore. They're showing you who you they are. Believe them. If they need/want something, let them go through your DH. I think once you can let go of your (justifiable) anger/frustration/hurt, you'll have more peace of mind. Don't let this take up any more of your precious energy.
Hugs.

Haven't thought of it this way but this is the way I handle texts like that from my ILs.
And to commiserate OP, I am very pregnant and a SAHM to a toddler. While my DH was on a work trip recently I seriously injured myself and all outgoing flights were canceled due to weather where my DH was. Despite living 5 minutes away my ILs were zero help- they were 'busy' the entire time but offered for us to come "visit" when my DH was back from his trip. Unbelievable.

You SAH at have one child. What do you need help with?

Maybe you missed the 'seriously injured' part? I think most people could use a hand with a toddler if they are very pregnant + seriously injured. Guess you wouldn't though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They're your kids not theirs. They are living their best retired lives. I see nothing wrong with not helping out.

New PP here. Sure, don't help out. And don't expect your grown kids to take care of your crap when you are no longer independent.

Exactly... love the independent, only the weak need a village attitude until they're the ones who need a ton of help. But it's totally different then! Not to mention that they were already the beneficiaries of major help when their kids were little. Convenient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would start treating their texts like FB posts. Something you might look at when you're not busy but, otherwise, ignore. They're showing you who you they are. Believe them. If they need/want something, let them go through your DH. I think once you can let go of your (justifiable) anger/frustration/hurt, you'll have more peace of mind. Don't let this take up any more of your precious energy.
Hugs.

Haven't thought of it this way but this is the way I handle texts like that from my ILs.
And to commiserate OP, I am very pregnant and a SAHM to a toddler. While my DH was on a work trip recently I seriously injured myself and all outgoing flights were canceled due to weather where my DH was. Despite living 5 minutes away my ILs were zero help- they were 'busy' the entire time but offered for us to come "visit" when my DH was back from his trip. Unbelievable.

You SAH at have one child. What do you need help with?

Maybe you missed the 'seriously injured' part? I think most people could use a hand with a toddler if they are very pregnant + seriously injured. Guess you wouldn't though!

Do they now? The poster yesterday from the thread that was deleted (who was most likely a sock puppeting troll) who hated her MIL was seriously ill with food poisoning and really resented the fact that her MIL tried to help, if OP was to be believed. Not everyone wants the help even when offered. They are that obstinate and hard to get along with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody seems to agree that the in laws are obnoxious, useless, won't change, clueless, etc etc. Has anybody (including OP) considered that maybe the in laws don't like the OP and have had negative or difficult interactions with her that are now preventing them from wanting to spend any time with her? This can also obviously impact the relationship with the grandchildren. Might want to reflect on that OP.

+1

After coming back and reading all of OP’s responses, I was going to post the same thing. She wasn’t willing to entertain any advice given, and had an excuse/clap back for every point made. I’m not sure I’d be jumping to go spend lengthy amount of time with her either.

The title of the post is gives it all away. I thought I was going to read about elderly parents who won't see an audiologist, and I was going to say that "stone deaf" is not an appropriate term, but it turns out her ILs don't come when called and she is outraged. Given that her parents are overseas, maybe she's from a culture in which ILs step in more, but that's not the card she drew, and I can't see how anything she's doing now is going to change that.

Maybe she should have married someone from her own culture and stayed near her parents.

OP: my parents are from the same culture as ILs, but live on another continent due to their work.

So everyone is American but OP's parents live in Dubai as expats making a ton of money, and she gives them a free pass because she just wants to be a little beeyotch about everything with her ILs. Got it now.

You are weird. My parents do not live in the Middle East.

Not the PP but you worded it oddly. You said the live in another continent due to work. Not because they are from there so it seems a logical conclusion that they would be here with you, but for work. Is that what you meant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody seems to agree that the in laws are obnoxious, useless, won't change, clueless, etc etc. Has anybody (including OP) considered that maybe the in laws don't like the OP and have had negative or difficult interactions with her that are now preventing them from wanting to spend any time with her? This can also obviously impact the relationship with the grandchildren. Might want to reflect on that OP.

+1

After coming back and reading all of OP’s responses, I was going to post the same thing. She wasn’t willing to entertain any advice given, and had an excuse/clap back for every point made. I’m not sure I’d be jumping to go spend lengthy amount of time with her either.

The title of the post is gives it all away. I thought I was going to read about elderly parents who won't see an audiologist, and I was going to say that "stone deaf" is not an appropriate term, but it turns out her ILs don't come when called and she is outraged. Given that her parents are overseas, maybe she's from a culture in which ILs step in more, but that's not the card she drew, and I can't see how anything she's doing now is going to change that.

Maybe she should have married someone from her own culture and stayed near her parents.

OP: my parents are from the same culture as ILs, but live on another continent due to their work.

So everyone is American but OP's parents live in Dubai as expats making a ton of money, and she gives them a free pass because she just wants to be a little beeyotch about everything with her ILs. Got it now.

You are weird. My parents do not live in the Middle East.

Not the PP but you worded it oddly. You said the live in another continent due to work. Not because they are from there so it seems a logical conclusion that they would be here with you, but for work. Is that what you meant?

Middle East is not the only work destination for Americans. My parents live and work on another continent. Why is that so hard to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody seems to agree that the in laws are obnoxious, useless, won't change, clueless, etc etc. Has anybody (including OP) considered that maybe the in laws don't like the OP and have had negative or difficult interactions with her that are now preventing them from wanting to spend any time with her? This can also obviously impact the relationship with the grandchildren. Might want to reflect on that OP.

+1

After coming back and reading all of OP’s responses, I was going to post the same thing. She wasn’t willing to entertain any advice given, and had an excuse/clap back for every point made. I’m not sure I’d be jumping to go spend lengthy amount of time with her either.

The title of the post is gives it all away. I thought I was going to read about elderly parents who won't see an audiologist, and I was going to say that "stone deaf" is not an appropriate term, but it turns out her ILs don't come when called and she is outraged. Given that her parents are overseas, maybe she's from a culture in which ILs step in more, but that's not the card she drew, and I can't see how anything she's doing now is going to change that.

Maybe she should have married someone from her own culture and stayed near her parents.

OP: my parents are from the same culture as ILs, but live on another continent due to their work.

So everyone is American but OP's parents live in Dubai as expats making a ton of money, and she gives them a free pass because she just wants to be a little beeyotch about everything with her ILs. Got it now.

You are weird. My parents do not live in the Middle East.

Not the PP but you worded it oddly. You said the live in another continent due to work. Not because they are from there so it seems a logical conclusion that they would be here with you, but for work. Is that what you meant?

Middle East is not the only work destination for Americans. My parents live and work on another continent. Why is that so hard to understand?

Getting snippy, are we? Why is it so hard to understand that the attitude you display here with total strangers might be indicative of the attitude you display with family and causing them to be aloof and unhelpful? You reap what you sow. And your parents are conveniently off the hook.